The Meaning of Family
by Moose Juice
Summary: What if Sirius hadn't gone after Pettigrew and been framed? What if Dumbledore hadn't been aware of the charm that lay over the Dursleys' and Sirius had been allowed to bring Harry up? Focuses on the relationship between Sirius and Remus. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**_DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros._**

_**Yeah, the title is kinda rubbish – I couldn't think of a better one…**_

_**So, this is my first (possible) slash – it's probably going to be terrible. Please forgive me for that and I'll try to improve. So, tell me what you think and I will hopefully improve upon my writing :)**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter One

'…_**Me too.'**_

'_**Where'd you get that?'**_

'_**Nicked it,' said James casually. He started playing with the Snitch, allowing it to fly as much as a foot away before seizing it again; his reflexes were excellent. Wormtail watched him in awe.**_

_**Lupin had pulled out a book and was reading. Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. His dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance James's could never have achieved, **__Remus noted. He smiled to himself, feeling almost inappropriately over-interested for noticing such a small detail. _

'_**Put that away, will you,' Sirius said, as James made a fine catch and Wormtail let out a cheer, 'before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.'**_

_**Wormtail turned slightly pink, but James grinned. **_

'_**I'm bored,' said Sirius. 'Wish it was full moon.'**_

'_**You might,' said Remus darkly. 'We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me. Here…' **_

'_Alright,' Sirius sighed. 'Give it here.' He reached out for Remus's book, rolling his eyes, but was unable to conceal a grin. It was a strange sort of smile, almost… private. As if it wasn't for James or Wormtail to see. Remus could still picture it, that easy yet half-shy smile…_

_And he smiled back._

_And suddenly it was just the two of them, James and Peter had somehow melted away into the bright, sunny June background. It was only the two of them, alone together. Sirius dropped Remus's book on the grass and leaned forward, uttering the other's name through soft, half-closed lips._

'_Remus…'_

'_Remus!'_

'REMUS!'

He woke up and sat bolt upright.

'What's wrong? Is it Peter? Not Lily and James? What's happened?'

'I – I don't know. Something feels wrong. We need to go.'

* * *

><p>'What's happened? We came as fast as we could!'<p>

The two of them had hurtled to Godric's Hollow as fast as humanly possible, Remus pulling on his shoes and running out of the door without stopping to get dressed or even throw on a coat. There hadn't been time – the wild urgency in Sirius's eyes had told him that they must go, they _must _leave right away, lest the worst had happened and they were needed immediately. Remus didn't even notice the goosebumps on his arms as he and Sirius skidded around the corner and rushed towards a small wooden gate just as a silver-bright bird faded into the dark night. Suddenly Sirius fell back, almost collapsing into the other's arms.

'Oh no, oh no, _no_, _NO!_'

Sirius's desperate cry frightened Remus. It expressed a kind of terror and agony that physical pain could not cause, and he knew, without having to look, that the worst _had _happened… But it wasn't true, surely… It _couldn't _be true…

The house was devastated. The roof was missing and half of the second floor had been blown apart. Bricks that had once been part of the wall of the smallest bedroom had fallen twenty feet onto the ground below, toppled in heaps like fallen soldiers. The door had been blasted apart; clearly _he _had not stopped in his march to murder. _How _could this happen? _How? _Why them? Was it because they had been in the Order of the Phoenix? They had known they were in danger… And yet they all knew that they were _all _in danger, that opposing Voldemort meant a high risk of fatality… And yet he had chosen to visit the Potters personally… He had not gone to any of the houses belonging to any other Order members… he had gone straight to theirs… _WHY? Why _Lily and James?

He could do no more than hold Sirius and stare up at the ruined building in front of the two of them – the ruins of a house… a _home_… a life…

…And yet, where was the Dark Mark? What was going on?

This wasn't a normal attack…

Suddenly a monumental figure turned and walked towards them – at first Remus stumbled back, wild thoughts of Dark wizards and Death Eaters, giants and Inferi, but as moonlight hit the figure he realised it was Hagrid, and breathed a sigh of relief.

But wait – what was _Hagrid _doing here?

No… It couldn't be…

'_Hagrid?'_

'Remus? Remus! Oh thank Merlin someone actually got Professor Dumbledore's Patronus! Yeh get here alrigh'? God, it's awful… Jus' awful…'

It was definitely Hagrid – he recognised the dustbin lid hands and the strong accent; Hagrid couldn't be a Death Eater in disguise because the only way he could do that was Polyjuice Potion, and of course that was designed specifically for human use – Hagrid, being half-giant, could not be impersonated.

'What happened?' Remus said weakly; it wasn't so much that he wanted to know – he really didn't – but that he felt an obligation to ask. Besides, somebody had to say something, and all Sirius seemed to be capable of was gaping in horror and leaning heavily on his friend. Hagrid didn't seem to want to reply, but there was a mutual understanding between the three – they _had _to find out why Lily and James had been targeted.

'He… he came here an' – an'...' Hagrid broke off, loud, heavy sobs breaking through the tense night air. After a few silent seconds, Sirius spoke, the first time he had done so in several minutes.

'Harry too?' His voice was hoarse, tense and desperate. Remus knew how he must feel. Not only was his best friend dead, but his godson as well. It was surreal, Lily and James couldn't be dead, they just _couldn't. _And Harry, Harry who was only just one year old –

_Crack._

The sound penetrated the night air like a gunshot, and the three men turned immediately towards the sound, Sirius and Remus drawing their wands so fast their hands were blurs too quick to follow.

A tall man dressed in sweeping purple robes and high-heeled, buckled boots swept across the deserted street with a sort of refined purposefulness. His bright blue eyes were flashes of fire, and his silver hair and beard streamed out from behind him. He too had his wand drawn and pointed at the group in front of the house.

'Who goes there?'

It was not so much an inquiry as a demand. Sirius and Remus took a couple of reflex steps back – the man did not look like one to cross. Sirius opened his mouth, but it was Hagrid who spoke first; he sounded relieved and yet also a little nervous.

'Professor Dumbledore, sir, it's me, Rubeus – an' Remus an' young Sirius Black. These two came as soon as they got yer Patronus message –'

'Ah yes, I sent one to all the Order. Where are they?' Dumbledore was at once alert and suspicious. Without waiting for an answer from any of the party he strode up to Sirius, his wand inches away from the young man's face.

Sirius backed further away, but Dumbledore grabbed him by the collar and pointed his wand in Sirius's face.

'What –?' Remus began, but he was cut off by Dumbledore.

'_What were the last words I said to Sirius Black?'_

'"I give you my word that I will do everything in my power to protect Lily and James",' Sirius responded quickly. 'But you didn't, did you?' he added bitterly.

'I did everything in my power, as I swore to you I would,' Dumbledore replied. He looked Sirius in the eye and asked quietly, 'Was it you?'

Sirius met Dumbledore's gaze with his own angered glare. 'As if I would ever betray James and Lily,' he said, his voice soft and dangerous, venom lacing his tone.

'But that doesn't answer my question.'

Remus looked from Dumbledore to Sirius in disbelief. What on earth was going on? Why _would _Sirius betray their two best friends – how could Dumbledore even consider the possibility of that crossing his mind?

'I would rather die than betray my friends, and I did not betray Lily and James to Voldemort,' Sirius hissed. '_How _could you even think that I would?' His voice was suddenly disbelieving, and Remus was inclined to ask the same question; but he was unable to as, a second later, Dumbledore's wand was suddenly turned on him.

'What feature was put in the grounds of Hogwarts the year that Remus Lupin came to Hogwarts and what was the reason for it?'

'The Whomping Willow was planted in the grounds of Hogwarts in 1971, the year that I, Remus John Lupin, came to Hogwarts. A passage from the Willow leads to the Shrieking Shack, where I was led once at month, at the full moon, to transform because I am a werewolf,' Remus answered, rather calmly, but almost as rapidly as Sirius.

'And did you betray the Potters?'

'I did not betray Lily and James – I gave you, Albus Dumbledore, my word that I would give my life to protect them and fully intended to keep my promise.' He gave Dumbledore a desperate look, a plea to tell them that it was not true. The older man understood, and nodded. It was slow and reluctant, but a clear, unmistakable nod.

'No,' Sirius whispered, and his voice broke. '_No!_'

Remus couldn't bear to look at him. He closed his eyes and whispered, 'Harry too?' He wasn't sure why he was asking – if Voldemort had killed Lily and James, the chances that their baby boy had survived were pretty much nil, but Remus couldn't bear the thought that there was nothing left of the Potter family at all. He held his breath, waiting for the inevitable answer.

'Not Harry.'

Remus opened his eyes; he heard Sirius's sharp intake of breath, so he _couldn't _be hearing things, but how in the world could Harry have survived?

'W-what?'

'Harry survives.'

Remus and Sirius exchanged bewildered glances.

'But – it can't be,' Sirius breathed hoarsely. 'He – he's just a _baby_, for God's sake!'

'He survives,' said Dumbledore again, simply. 'I do not know how,' he added, as Remus opened his mouth to ask the obvious question, 'but I know that he survives.'

'But,' Sirius muttered, breathing softly, 'does that – does that mean –'

'I am afraid not,' said Dumbledore gently, cutting Sirius off. 'Lily and James are…'

'But then…' Remus frowned. 'Where _is _Harry?'

A sudden scraping noise, like loosened gravel, caused both Sirius and Remus to turn around sharply, wands drawn and ready to attack or defend, whichever was called for. Dumbledore, on the other hand, shook his head and walked calmly towards Hagrid, the existence of whom had been forgotten by the other two in the events of the past ten minutes. He was holding something in his gigantic arms, cradling it, tenderly, softly, like one would hold a baby. Dumbledore took the object (although Hagrid seemed reluctant to let it go) and turned back towards Remus and Sirius, who looked down to see a pile of blankets nestled in their former headmaster's arms.

'Is that –?'

'It is. Now I have a question to ask you, Sirius,' Dumbledore said. He too had been looking down at the pile of blankets he was cradling, but now looked Sirius full in the face. Sirius looked back from under his lashes, guessing Dumbledore's question, but unsure of whether to voice his answer yet. The latter took advantage of the momentary silence to speak.

'Sirius,' he began, looking into the young dark eyes, shining with something that could have been fear or excitement or both, 'before you rush into this, I must warn you – I am not forcing you into anything, nor do I intend to make you feel obliged to do anything.' He paused. 'Understood?'

Sirius nodded.

'Lily had a sister, as you may or may not know, a sister who has a son of her own and who therefore has no qualms about parenting, I am positive. If you feel you would not be able cope then I assure you that Harry will be in safe hands with his aunt and uncle. However, Lily and James requested that, were anything to happen to them, you, as Harry's godfather, would be his guardian. I am sorry to put you on the spot like this Sirius, but we need to get Harry to safety as soon as possible, and so I request that you make a choice. Will you be Harry's guardian, and bring him up as your own under – I guarantee – the very best protection I can give you both; or would you rather he is take to his aunt and uncle, and brought up under their care and protection?'

There was a silence. Remus held his breath.

'I can't, I can't do it,' Sirius said finally. 'Take him to his aunt and uncle. They'll bring him up well, I hope.'

'You're sure?' Dumbledore asked.

Sirius nodded. 'I'm sure,' he said. 'I'd be a terrible parent, and anyway,' he added, with a sudden rush of anger, 'I've got something I need to deal with.'

This sounded ominous to Remus, and he grabbed Sirius's arm, but the latter shook him off.

'You can take Harry to his aunt's house on my bike, Professor. We came here on it, we didn't want to apparate, I wasn't sure if we were being watched,' he said to Dumbledore.

'Hagrid is taking him.'

Remus bit his lip. He didn't want to express his doubt of Hagrid right in front of the man, but everybody knew that Hagrid wasn't the most… _careful _person in the world. This, however, didn't seem to have crossed Sirius's mind.

'Hagrid, then,' he mumbled distractedly. 'Take him on my motorbike, it'll get you there fast. I'll get it, it's just around the corner. **I won't need it anymore**.'

He turned and walked briskly towards the corner, his face set as he tried not to think about James or Lily. Everything was happening so fast he didn't even notice that he was being followed until a hand was placed on his shoulder. He spun around, drawing his wand.

'Sirius!'

'Oh. Sorry. I didn't notice it was you,' he muttered, trying to turn away. Remus grabbed his arm again, holding on tightly this time so that Sirius couldn't shake him off again.

'What the _hell _are you doing?' he hissed, his tone as outraged as it could be through gritted teeth.

'I'm getting my bike for Hagrid,' Sirius replied, looking at Remus as though he half expected him to suddenly attack. Remus sighed in exasperation, and closed his eyes.

'Yes, I _know,_ but _why_? You can't!'

'Remus, I can't cope!'

'And what is it you need to do?'

'Eh?'

'What's the something you've got to deal with?'

Sirius's mouth tightened, and his lips thinned momentarily. 'You want to know?' he asked; his breathing quickened.

Remus was aware that his friend's tone was dangerous. He proceeded with caution, but proceeded all the same. 'Yes.'

'Peter.' The one word was spat out with more poison than to kill ten thousand men. Remus couldn't understand.

'Peter? What's Peter got to do with this?'

'Everything! Peter CAUSED this!' Sirius yelled, anguish and heartbreak mingling with the rage in his voice.

Remus frowned. 'What do you mean, he caused it? I don't understand.'

'_I _was their Secret-Keeper! When Dumbledore performed the Fidelius Charm James and Lily made me Secret-Keeper, they knew I'd rather die than betray them. But then…' His face crumpled for a moment but he remained composed. 'No, I was wrong to say Peter caused it. _I _caused it… I persuaded them to change Secret Keeper, don't you see?**I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me… I'm to blame, I know it.**'

'But… But why?' Remus said hoarsely.

'Don't you see? It was the perfect bluff! The Death Eaters were sure to come after me, I knew they would! But they could torture me and use Legilimency or Veritaserum – they could even kill me – and I wouldn't know. But… I went to Peter's hiding place, remember – I told you just before we got here.'

Remus nodded slowly. 'He was gone. **Yet there was no sign of a struggle.**'

Sirius nodded. **'It didn't feel right. And when we saw the house, destroyed – I realised what Peter's done. What **_**I've **_**done.'**

All he wanted to do was collapse into Remus's welcoming, tender arms, but he took a deep breath and grabbed hold of the motorbike's heavy handlebars, wheeling it back towards the ruined house.

Remus tried to comprehend all this. It was a while before he could move. Finally, he turned his head towards the sound of an engine roaring to life.

'Sirius – Sirius _wait!_' Remus called, but to no avail. He sprinted after Sirius and arrived outside the house just as Hagrid was slipping on a pair of giant flying goggles. Hagrid had Harry strapped to his chest in a baby carrier.

'Alrigh'? Let's go then!' Hagrid called over the engine's loud rumble.

He revved the engine and prepared to fly away.

_**So that's my first chapter. I'm aware it's a little action-packed and there isn't much of the characters' thoughts and feelings but that's going to come soon – I've already started writing chapter 2 (which is either good or bad – tell me what you think.) Please R/R :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**OHMYGOSH! I was rather surprised by the number of visitors (as you can probably guess I don't get many) so thank you for reading it!**_

_**Some strong language in this chapter – just warning you. It's not excessive though. :)**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Two

'_Wait!_' Remus cried. He dragged Sirius back into the path of the motorbike, so that Hagrid couldn't drive off. Hagrid and Dumbledore looked confused, whereas Sirius looked angry.

'Sirius,' Remus whispered. 'Sirius, please listen to me.'

'I have to find Peter,' Sirius growled. 'I have to find him and _make him pay for what he's done!_'

'No you can't!' said Remus. 'You can't Sirius!'

Sirius growled under his breath. 'And why's that?'

Remus sighed desperately. 'He's already outwitted us once, who's to say he won't do it again?'

'That stupid fat little rat?' Sirius laughed. His laugh was hard and cold, and there was not a trace of amusement in it. 'He's too dim-witted to tie his own shoelaces, for Merlin's sake –'

'What if he runs back to You-Know-Who? Sirius…' Why was it so hard to say? He couldn't find the words that were needed at that very moment.

'What? I'm waiting, Moony.'

'I don't want you to get hurt.'

'Hurt?' Sirius exploded, not troubling to keep his voice down. '_Hurt? _Lily and James are _dead_, Remus, and you don't want me to get _hurt._ Well, we'd better get our priorities right, eh?' His tone was laced with icy, knife-edged sarcasm. It tasted of acid.

Remus took a deep breath and added, 'James wouldn't want you to get hurt, either Sirius.'

'Don't try and guilt me out of it, Remus, I'm going, and I will find Peter and _I will kill him!_'

'JAMES WOULDN'T WANT THAT!' Remus bellowed. He _had _to make Sirius see, had to stop him from doing this. 'For God's sake, Padfoot, can't you see? You're just defeating the object if you go and get yourself into trouble. James wouldn't want you to get hurt or killed, but equally he wouldn't want you to kill someone else, either. Especially not one of his friends.'

'That little bastard is _not _James's friend. Friends don't betray you to the Dark Lord, Moony, remember?'

'Please, Sirius, please don't do it! I –' He hesitated, but after a moment proceeded. 'I couldn't stand to lose you as well.'

'What?' Sirius said, confused. What did his friend mean by that? Surely he didn't mean…?

He shook himself mentally. Of course Remus didn't mean that. After all, he'd never mentioned or hinted at or suggested _anything _of that sort, so why should he feel like that now? Sirius sighed. He was being stupid. It was obvious what Moony meant – he'd just lost one of his closest friends and since discovered that another of his best friends had actually been a catalyst in the other's death. He didn't want to be alone and friendless. After all, Sirius felt exactly the same – _obviously _that was all he meant. Wasn't it?

'Sirius?' Remus said quietly. 'Sirius, you can't go after Peter. I need you. _Harry _needs you.'

'Harry doesn't need me,' Sirius said, determinedly ignoring Remus's statement that _he _needed Sirius.

'Yes he does!' Remus protested. 'Of course he needs you, idiot! You're his godfather! You're his legal guardian now.'

'I'm not, Remus, Dumbledore said his aunt –'

'We both know Lily didn't mention Petunia a lot, and when she did it was exactly complimentary. How do you know if he'll be okay? You don't know that Petunia will care for him like one of her own, and neither do I, but I _do _know that you would – you will. _Please_, Sirius. Please. For Lily and James. You know they wanted you to look after Harry. Plus,' he added, and his tone would have been almost mischievous but for the events that had gone on that night, 'it might stop you from doing something stupid.'

He hadn't meant to offend Sirius, but Sirius seemed to take it as a personal criticism. He glared at Remus.

'And what do you mean by that?' he hissed, on the verge of drawing his wand and preparing to duel, such was his frustration and anger at Remus's refusal to let him go after Wormtail.

'Sirius? Remus?' Dumbledore's quiet voice broke the tension as the two friends jumped – they'd forgotten all about his and Hagrid's presence at the scene. 'Is something wrong?'

Still glaring at Remus, Sirius took a deep breath. 'No, Professor. Nothing's wrong,' he replied, his anger abating as quickly as it had risen. He glanced at Remus, once, for confirmation. Remus understood, and nodded. Sirius continued: 'I've decided that – that I want to take Harry.'

He could see the surprise on the old man's face at his change of decision, but Dumbledore kindly did his best to conceal it. 'Are you sure?' he asked. Remus could tell he was concerned, and to be frank he wasn't surprised. Sirius wasn't exactly renowned for being wise or careful. On the contrary, he was rash and hot-headed, often making quick decisions, and for twenty-one, he wasn't all that mature. On the other hand, he was compassionate and caring, especially for his godson, and Remus had no doubt that he would make a better guardian for Harry than Petunia ever could.

'Yes, I'm sure. Positive,' Sirius said. _He'd better not try and back out of this_, he thought, before adding, 'And Remus has offered to move in with me to help look after Harry.'

Dumbledore turned to Remus, who quickly cottoned on and nodded vigorously, adding, 'We thought we'd be able to cope better if the responsibility were shared. And of course, we both want to raise Harry right.'

'And give him the best childhood he can possibly have,' Sirius put in.

'Well, in that case…' Dumbledore nodded. Understanding as he was of James and Sirius's close relationship, he couldn't help but feel much more relieved now that Remus had apparently 'offered' to help. In fact, the young man had rather been put on the spot, it seemed to Dumbledore, but whether or not he had been forced into it, the old man knew that Remus would go to any lengths to make sure that Harry had a happy and loving childhood. He'd known that Petunia would take Harry, he'd been sure of it, but he was more than happy to let the two friends take over instead. After all, they might well discover something about themselves along the way.

'Hagrid,' he called over the engine's roar, 'I'm sorry to bother you, but it seems you needn't make the journey to Surrey after all. Sirius and Remus have agreed to look after Harry instead.'

'Well tha's wonderful! I 'ad a feeling, Professor Dumbledore,' Hagrid said, leaning conspiratorially towards Dumbledore, 'that them two would make great guardians fer Harry in the firs' place!' He turned off the engine, got off the motorbike and place Harry gently in Sirius's arms. 'Now you make sure yeh look after him alrigh', yeh hear me?' he said to Sirius.

'I hear you, Hagrid,' Sirius said, smiling for the first time that night. It felt odd, as though he hadn't smiled in years. 'And I promise that we'll look after Harry, come what may. Right, Remus?'

'Right,' Remus agreed, smiling back at Sirius. Something passed between them that reminded him of a dream he'd been having just before Sirius woke him that night, some kind of message or emotion that had gone previously unnoticed. It was odd, but not unpleasant.

Dumbledore noticed it too. 'I have a feeling,' he whispered to Hagrid as Sirius and Remus clambered awkwardly onto the bike, Harry in the baby-carrier that was now strapped to Sirius's chest and sleeping peacefully, 'that those two may become something more than friends – indeed, Harry will certainly bring them closer together.'

'How do you know that, Professor?' Hagrid asked.

'Oh, I don't – it's just a guess. **But my guesses have, usually, been good.**'

Hagrid chuckled, as the engine roared to life once more that night, and bright yellow headlights swept across the ground. Hagrid waved sadly as the motorbike rose gracefully into the air. 'Poor Lily an' James,' he sighed. 'An' poor Harry.'

'Yes. Poor Harry,' Dumbledore echoed, also raising a hand in farewell. The bike's tail lights were now no more than jewel-bright pinpricks in the distance.

'He'll never know 'is family, poor thing,' Hagrid murmured softly. Dumbledore looked at him.

'Oh, he'll know family Rubeus,' he contradicted. 'He won't remember Lily and James, true, and he'll probably never know his aunt and uncle. But while he has Sirius and Remus – and as long as Sirius has Remus, Harry will have Sirius for a long time – he'll be loved and cared for, and that, Rubeus, is the true meaning of family.'

_**Oh, how dreadfully clich**__**é! I promise it will improve – give me your thoughts! Please R/R. :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Woo new update!**_

_**PLEASE review! I beg of you.**_

_**Or else I have nothing to live for! :(**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Three

'I don't like this,' Remus said decisively, gripping the bike's handlebars like a lifeline.

'You never were any good on this thing – broomsticks either,' Sirius sighed, shaking his head. 'I'd swap places with you, but –' he looked down at Harry, but Remus, his gaze fixed on the sky ahead, couldn't see.

'It's kind of hard in midair, isn't it?' he finished for Sirius.

'Yeah,' Sirius agreed. 'Bloody hell, Moony, get a move on or we'll be here all night!'

'Well I don't want to be responsible for crashing into a helicopter!' Remus snapped.

There was a pause. After a while, Sirius said, 'Sorry, Remus,' rather quietly.

'No, no, I'm sorry,' Remus sighed. 'I shouldn't have snapped at you but… I'm just so… nervous, you know?'

'I know, mate,' Sirius murmured. 'How are we ever gonna raise a _kid?_ I'm scared we'll do it wrong.'

Remus sighed again. 'I still can't take it in.'

Sirius knew what he was talking about, and nodded, before remembering that Remus was in front, and so couldn't see. 'Me neither.' How could Lily and James be…? How was it even possible? 'It's not fair.'

'I know, Sirius. It's not fair.'

'Where are we going anyway?'

Remus shrugged (as best he could without loosening his iron grip on the handlebars). 'I dunno. I just assumed we were going to Grimmauld Place.'

'Yeah,' said Sirius. 'Or we could go to your place.'

'My house is so small. What's wrong with yours?'

'What's right with it?' Sirius muttered darkly.

'Dunno. It's big,' Remus suggested.

'That was a rhetorical question.'

'I know.'

Sirius looked down at Harry again. Even though he was only a year old, Sirius could see traces of James in his face, in his lips and his nose and his cheekbones. He remembered receiving Lily's letter when Harry was first born. _'He looks exactly like James – even old Bathilda agrees – except for his eyes. James says he's got my eyes and I suppose he's right. They're green, like mine, anyway…'_

'Poor little sod,' he whispered.

'I know,' Remus said again.

'We're gonna screw this up so badly.'

'No we're not,' Remus protested. 'We'll manage, Padfoot. You just have to have a little faith in yourself.'

'How am I supposed to have faith in myself when my own mother can't stand the sight of me?'

Remus sighed for the third time.

'Listen, Sirius, your mother called me a filthy half-breed when she first met me, I don't care much for her opinion.'

'Hey! That's my mother you're talking about!' Sirius said with mock indignation.

'Ha ha. You know she only doesn't like you 'cause you hang out with half-breeds.'

'And 'cause I was in Gryffindor, remember? And 'cause I ran away at sixteen. _And _because I hate Kreacher, and because my Uncle Alphard left me a load of gold in his will so she had to burn him off the Black family tapestry, remember? I think you were there…'

Remus grinned. 'Alright, Padfoot, you've made your point. Or rather, you've made _my _point. Your mother hates you. We're not going back to your mother's.'

'Especially since she's a minor fan of Voldemort,' Sirius added, his tone darkening.

Remus sighed again. 'Come on, Padfoot. Why don't you come back to mine?'

* * *

><p>'Wow, cramped much?'<p>

'I told you it was small.'

'D'you think my bike'll be okay outside?'

'Your bike will be fine, Sirius. Sit down, if you can find somewhere. The place is covered in papers and stuff.'

Sirius shifted a large pile of Defence Against the Dark Arts textbooks from the seat of an armchair to its arm, and sat down gingerly, reluctant to disturb Harry, who was still fast asleep.

'Here, I'll take him,' Remus offered, moving over to where Sirius was squatting over the armchair. He tried not to laugh at his best friend's obvious discomfort.

'No, I wanna take him!' Sirius cried, sounding remarkably like a child himself, as Remus lifted Harry from his arms.

'Sit down first, silly,' Remus told him. 'You can have him back when you're nice and comfortable, okay?'

'Stop talking to me like I'm three, alright?'

'We'll stop acting like it!'

'Sorry Moony,' Sirius said in his piteous tone, sticking out his bottom lip like a toddler and turning his sad-eyed-dog expression on Remus, who sighed. 'Can I have him back now, pleeeeeeease?'

'Alright, alright,' Remus said, putting Harry gently into Sirius's eager arms. How could he resist Sirius's plaintive expression? 'Make sure you support his head.'

'Okay, _Mum_,' Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

'Hey, careful! I'll start talking about filthy half-breeds if you carry on like that!' Remus warned.

'Oh, yeah right – you'd be one to talk,' Sirius said. He paused. 'This feels so weird.'

'I know.'

'It's like, where's James? I keep expecting him to come and grab Harry off me in case I drop him or something,' he added, looking down at Harry with a melancholy expression on his face.

'Yeah, and Lily would laughing in the corner and telling him not to worry so much,' Remus said, a reminiscent half-smile on his face.

'Such a woman, James is,' said Sirius, with his bark-like laugh.

'Yeah…' Suddenly Remus didn't feel so much like laughing. 'This is going to take some getting used to,' he said quietly.

'It is,' Sirius replied after a while. He sounded kind of choked up. 'This is _so _weird,' he said again. 'We're _parents _now, Moony. _Parents. _I'm twenty one, I should be out getting drunk and having one-night-stands with girls with inappropriately short skirts on… _Parent_,' he muttered again in disbelief.

'I'm twenty one too, Padfoot,' Remus reminded him with a reluctant smile.

'Yeah, but you never went in for one-night-stands, did you? Preferred to be _studying_,' Sirius said mockingly.

'I don't care much for getting drunk either,' Remus said.

'It's alright,' said Sirius, with an air of self-defence. 'But you do wake up with a horrible headache in the mornings,' he conceded.

'We should put Harry to bed,' said Remus after a brief silence. 'It's been a horrible day for him.'

'To say the least. Maybe we should get to bed, too.'

There was a pause.

'Moony? Something you want to tell me?' Sirius asked suspiciously. He'd noticed that Remus looked rather embarrassed all of a sudden.

'I er... Well, I, um…' Remus stammered.

'_What?'_

'Well… I, erm… Ionlyhaveonebed,' Remus said very quickly.

'What?'

Remus cleared his throat, turning beetroot. 'I only have one bed.' He looked at the floor, hoping it might swallow him up. It didn't. Just his luck.

'Oh,' Sirius said. There was an awkward silence. 'Well I will… um… I'll just have to sleep on the floor.'

'Yeah, about that.'

'Your bedroom floor's covered in Defence textbooks, isn't it?' said Sirius, looking around at the mass of anti-Dark magic books and papers that covered almost every square inch of the tiny living room. Remus nodded. 'I might have known. Bloody hell, Moony! We might as well have gone to my place!'

'Well I did ask…'

Sirius sighed dramatically. 'I _suppose_ I don't mind sharing a bed with you,' he said, trying to sound like he did. 'Just for _one _night,' he added quickly.

'Of course, obviously!' Remus said too fast.

'I've slept in your bed before, haven't I, Moony?' Sirius said, with a vague recollection of coming back to Hogwarts blind drunk one night in his fifth year, having been thrown out of both the Three Broomsticks and the Hog's Head and staggering into the nearest bed he could find.

'Yes, but I wasn't in it at the time,' Remus said, unknowingly adopting a rather petulant tone that Sirius sometimes used.

'I remember,' Sirius giggled. 'Help me up, Moony, I've got a baby on my lap.'

Remus gently lifted Harry from Sirius's arms and cradled him affectionately until his friend was on his feet. He then handed Harry back to Sirius, aware of how possessive Sirius could get. It was rather touching to see the love in his eyes as he looked down at Harry. Remus didn't mention this to him – Sirius probably would have vomited all over him.

* * *

><p><em>He opened his eyes to the sound of raucous singing. So Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail were back then. He sighed and jumped out of bed to see what he could do to help. From his left he heard, slightly muffled, 'NO PRONGS THASS MY FRIARWHISSKEY, IF YOU SHPILL THAT I'LL KILL YOU!' accompanied by loud giggling. <em>

_The door to the fifth year boys' dormitory was flung open and Sirius staggered in, completely wasted and clutching a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey, accompanied by slightly-less-drunk-but-still-_pretty_-drunk James and Peter. So this was the result of the 'boys' night out' that Remus had tactfully declined to join, was it? Perhaps he _should _have gone along after all, just to keep an eye on things. _

'_MOONY!' Sirius yelped as though he hadn't seen his friend in years, and giggled as if Remus was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. 'Moooony! Mooooooony! Hahahahaha!'_

'_Oh God,' Remus muttered as James also started mooing like a cow on amphetamines, and Peter collapsed in the doorway in a drunken heap, way beyond help of any kind._

'_Mooony – that soundsss like money!' Sirius cried delightedly, like a toddler having just discovered something new. 'Have you got lotsh of money, Mooony?' _

'_What the hell is going on? Can you keep the noise down please?' A set of angry footsteps were heard on the stairs, followed by an angry redhead in a quilted dressing down._

'_IT'S EVANS!' James yelled, as if they were all blind, pointing at the girl in the doorway. 'Quick, HIDE!'_

'_Hey, Evans,' Sirius said, lurching up to Lily, who was frozen in angry disbelief. 'Evans – guessh what? Jamesss Potter fancies you!' He giggled maniacally. _

'_SHHH!' James hissed, turning pink and hitting Sirius limply on the arm. He pointed to Lily again. 'She's there!' It was exactly like watching a pair of rowdy four year olds._

'_Sorry, Lily,' Remus said, grimacing apologetically. 'They've, er… had a bit to drink.'_

'_I can see,' said Lily, looking in distaste at James and Sirius, who were now on the floor, prodding each other with their wands. 'Get them to bed Remus, okay?'_

'_I will,' he grinned as she left. James scrambled to his feet with a hopeful, 'Gimme a goodnight kiss, Evans?'_

_Remus heard Lily laugh. 'Fat chance, Potter!' she called._

'_Come on Padfoot, _bed_,' Remus said firmly, trying to haul Sirius into a standing position. He crouched down, put Sirius's arm around his own shoulders, and stood up._

'_Blimey, Padfoot, you weigh a bit!' Remus said in surprise, staggering a little due to the fact that Sirius's full body weight was resting entirely upon his own shoulders. _

'_Not as much asss your mother,' Sirius slurred. Remus rolled his eyes._

'_Come _on_,' he said, dragging Sirius over to his bed. 'Get in.'_

'_No, I like _this _one better!' Sirius argued, lurching over to Remus's bed._

'_But that's _my _bed!' Remus protested._

'_Well _I _want to sleep in it,' Sirius said. 'You sleep in mine!' he added, with a sudden stroke of drunken inspiration._

'_Y'know what I think?' he continued drunkenly, leaning even more heavily on Remus, who was now stooping under his weight._

'_That you're too drunk to say another word?' Remus suggested hopefully._

'_No. I think,' Sirius said, raising a finger and looking exactly like a university lecturer, only more drunk, 'that you shouldn't be a werewolf. Aooo! Hehe… I think you should be a were-cow!' he finished dramatically, almost angrily._

'_Why?' enquired Remus, before wishing he hadn't asked._

'_Because you ssound like a cow!' Sirius shouted. 'Moooony – geddit? Moo… Mooo! Moooony…!'_

'_Mooony…'_

'Moony!'

'Wha-at, Sirius?' he groaned, rolling over and opening his eyes. Sirius really had been calling him, and now stared down at him sadly.

'I can't sleep,' he said. 'I keep thinking about Lily and James.'

Right on cue, before Remus could say anything comforting, Harry woke up and started crying. Sirius jumped and looked at him as though he might explode.

'Oh bloody hell! What do we do now?' he said nervously.

'Pick him up and rock him,' Remus said gently, reaching for the baby, but Sirius knocked his hand away.

'_I'll_ do it, _I'm _his godfather,' he said stubbornly, picking Harry out of his new cot ('How d'you transfigure a coffee table into a cot?' Remus had asked disbelievingly earlier that evening. 'Dunno,' Sirius had replied, 'but I'm pretty sure it can be done.') and rocking him tenderly.

_Possessive_, thought Remus, but he refrained from voicing this opinion.

'There there, it's okay baby,' Sirius hazarded, looking at Remus to see if he was doing it right. His friend nodded. Sirius continued comforting Harry, and soon the latter's sobs died away, to be replaced with snuffles which gradually turned into soft snores.

'I can kind of see why people have kids now,' Sirius said once a peacefully sleeping Harry had been placed carefully back in his cot.

'I'm so glad they did,' said Remus, looking down at Harry.

'Yeah,' said Sirius, 'else we'd have nothing left of them.'

He turned, and without thinking buried his face in Remus's chest, wrapping his arms around his friend's waist. Remus reciprocated the gesture, rocking Sirius like the baby as his pain-racked sobs shook the night.


	4. Chapter 4

_**OHMYGODI'MSOSORRY (not that most of you care) – this weekend has been rather hectic, so I'm updating on Monday rather than three days ago, which is when I should have. Apologies, but as it is Easter Monday and therefore a bank holiday, it's still **_**technically **_**the weekend – that's my excuse...**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Four

Remus awoke to an eerie silence, nestled comfortably in his bed, his body curved as though wrapped around another – he realised with a hot flush of embarrassment that it must have been Sirius's, but when he opened his eyes he realised that Sirius was not beside him. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen and neither, Remus noted with horror, was Harry.

He scrambled out of bed, eyes darting in every direction. Where was Sirius? Where was Harry?

Oh God. What if the Death Eaters had got them? What on earth was he supposed to do now? He paced up and down for a good few minutes, tugging at his hair, until finally he reached a conclusion. Of course – he would contact Dumbledore! Why hadn't he thought of that before?

He strode over to the bedside table where he'd left his wand the previous night. As he approached, his eyes fell upon a piece of parchment – a note, hastily scribbled in Sirius's untidy hand.

_Moony – _

_Harry woke up and wanted feeding – and guess what, there is not a single bottle of milk in your house! (HOW DO YOU EAT YOUR CEREAL?) I have gone to the shops to get some and I took Harry and also some Muggle money from your bedside cabinet – hope you don't mind._

_Sirius_

Remus breathed a heavy sigh of relief and sat down shakily. How stupid had he been? Thank Merlin Sirius hadn't been captured – he never would have forgiven himself if his best friend had been taken by Death Eaters less than twenty four hours after his other best friend had been murdered by those same people. On the other hand…

Was it true what Dumbledore had said? Was Voldemort _really _gone? Regardless, surely there were still Death Eaters out there wanting revenge for the fall of their Dark Lord weren't there? Even though Dumbledore had ensured them protection of the very best kind, wouldn't it still be prudent to keep a low profile for a while? He sighed, silently cursing Sirius for making him worry so much.

He dressed slowly and went downstairs to get some breakfast (carefully avoiding a DADA textbook avalanche). Just as he reached the foot of the stairs, there was a loud, jaunty rap on the front door – it could only be Sirius.

'For Merlin's sake, Sirius we're supposed to be keeping a low profile!' Remus hissed as he opened the door, stepping back so that Sirius (and Harry) could squeeze into the cramped hallway. Sirius had several carrier bags weighing him down.

'What on _earth _did you buy, Padfoot? Are we expecting a siege or something?'

'Very funny, Moony! I got talking with the woman in the shop – very nice woman, indeed – and she told me all about this funny formula milk that you're supposed to give babies – honestly, I was about to buy twelve litres of cow's milk instead!' Sirius chattered as he made his way into the kitchen. Remus hoped he was joking – he hadn't really bought twelve litres of milk, had he? There'd be no room in the fridge, for crying out loud! Sirius really was the absolute limit, but misbehaving stray thoughts couldn't help noticing how good he could look with a powder-blue baby carrier strapped to his chest. Remus shook himself mentally and silently told himself off, before following Sirius into the kitchen.

'I thought you were joking!' he exclaimed, horrified, as he watched Sirius pack at least twenty bottles of milk into the fridge.

'Well, the woman in the shop thought that Harry would be able to digest cow's milk properly at his age, he probably wouldn't need formula, but I bought both to be on the safe side,' Sirius explained brightly, pulling plastic bottles, rubber teats, bibs, bath ducks and other assorted items from yet another carrier bag.

'Sirius!'

'What? At least I'm not shying away from my responsibilities!' Sirius said, rather hurt.

Remus gave him a calculating look, unsure of whether that last statement was aimed at him or not. Well, he conceded, Sirius was right about not shying away from his responsibilities. He really was… throwing himself into the whole parenting thing.

'Well… do you know how to prepare it?' he asked Sirius after a rather awkward little pause.

'Oh, you don't need to – it's only newborns where you have to heat it up and test it and stuff.'

Remus gave him that annoying, calculating look again. 'How do you know so much about babies?'

Sirius shrugged. 'You seem to know a lot too. I used to watch my mother feed and bathe Regulus when he was born. And the woman in the shop gave me these.' He delved into another carrier bag and produced several books on baby and toddler care.

'Wow,' said Remus, rather surprised. 'You really are serious about this whole thing.' He smiled at his friend, who was pouring milk into a two-handled beaker for harry.

'Don't you mean _Sirius_?' Sirius joked, grinning back at him. Remus chuckled, although his laughter died away as he looked at Harry. Sirius was also staring down at the tiny boy.

'Everything's changed,' he said to the baby carrier.

'I know.'

'I don't like it.'

'I know but we've got to –'

'I want everything back the way it was before!' Sirius cried, almost on the verge of tears.

'I _know_, Sirius, but we've got to carry on – for Lily and James.'

'I don't want to. I want them back again!'

Remus looked at the man standing before him, so like a lost child, and he wanted to cry. He had never seen Sirius so out of his depth before – Sirius was always the confident one, the self-assured one, the one who was absolutely gorgeous and knew it… Now he just looked like a boy who had lost his mother and didn't know what to do. It was the face of someone who had suffered a terrible loss and didn't have a clue what to do about it.

'Sirius –' Remus was at a loss what to say, and he looked at Harry for somewhere to place his gaze. Harry had been playing idly with his dungarees, but now looked up, and his bright green eyes met Remus's own tired brown ones.

'Sirius, I know it sounds horribly cliché, but… they're still here, y'know. They're part of Harry.'

Sirius unstrapped the baby carrier carefully and cradled Harry in his arms. There was a long silence. Sirius closed his eyes, and Remus saw a single tear slide down his best friend's cheek as he held the baby to him, the last living traces of Lily and James Potter, and kissed the top of his head with a kind of fierce affection.

'Don't leave us, Harry,' he whispered, seemingly unaware of Remus, the kitchen, the carrier bags and the multiple piles of Defence textbooks – anything, in short, that wasn't part of the little bubble he was currently sharing with Harry. 'Don't you ever, ever leave us. We promise to look after you as best we can, and we will love you and cherish you forever.'

Remus walked slowly, uncertainly, towards Sirius, who smiled and reached out an arm; Remus squeezed his hand but Sirius pulled him into a tight embrace. He was surprised, but not enough to pull away for at least a minute, until Harry started squirming in Sirius's arms.

'You got ants in your pants or something?' Sirius laughed as Harry wriggled about. He held Harry up and sniffed, wrinkling his nose. 'Jeez, you've got _something _in there, anyhow!'

Remus giggled. 'Give him here, Padfoot,' he said, holding out his arms, but not feeling too hopeful. He was therefore a little taken aback when Sirius handed Harry over without complaint. Perhaps Sirius wasn't so enthusiastic about the dirty nappies side of parenting.

'You got anything we can transfigure into a changing table?' asked Sirius hopefully.

Remus raised his eyebrows. 'How many coffee tables do you think I have, Padfoot?'

Sirius shrugged. 'We could use your dining table?' he suggested.

Remus snorted. 'Okay, but you're buying me a new table!'

'Hmm… Maybe we should have gone to my mother's.' Sirius sighed. 'I wish I still had my place but… well, since the Death Eaters blew it apart…'

'Yeah.'

Harry started to whine plaintively.

'Okay, okay little man, just a sec – what should we do, Moony?'

Remus bit his lip. 'I guess my dining table will just have to bite the dust.'

'Sorryyyyyyy.' That little child-like tone again. Remus couldn't help smiling.

'It's okay, Padfoot. Harry comes first now.'

Sirius smiled back. 'He'll always come first.'

'Come on then, Harry, Uncle Sirius and I will get you sorted out straight away, I promise.'

Sirius tried not to laugh. 'Uncle Sirius?' He shook his head. 'I'll have to get used to that, I suppose.'

'Imagine having to get used to _"Daddy"_,' Remus said. He couldn't imagine Sirius as a father. Mind you, the way he had wholeheartedly jumped into a co-parenting role with Harry made Remus wonder whether Sirius really was as completely un-paternal as he insisted.

_**Yes, I realise I know nothing about babies, but that's the beauty of fiction! Well, that's my excuse anyway… Plus it's fun to watch Sirius and Remus completely out of their depth. Please R/R :)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Five

'We're not going.'

'Yes we _are_.'

'Do we have to?'

'_Yes.'_

'Pleeeeeeeease, Moony!'

'Sirius,' Remus sighed for the fifth time that day, 'we are _going _to your mother's.'

Sirius had been digging his heels in since nine o'clock that morning, so stubbornly determined to steer clear of his mother that Remus might as well have been pleading with the dining table – except he didn't have one anymore.

'Moony, _pleeeease! _You know how much I hate my mother!' Sirius whined.

'Of course I do, who doesn't?' Remus said irritably. 'You two have some kind of personal vendetta against each other –'

'You hate her too! I don't see why you're so keen to visit all of a sudden.'

Remus groaned. He'd known this was going to be hard, but he hadn't counted on Sirius's child-like demeanour and stubbornness combined having this effect. Sirius was being unhelpfully obstinate and extremely persuasive. He was almost inclined to let Sirius stay at home (and stay at home himself too, obviously; he definitely wasn't going to Grimmauld Place on his own), but he gritted his teeth and tried to reason with both Sirius and himself.

'Look, this isn't a _visit_, you know it isn't,' he said resolutely. 'We have to move somewhere bigger, don't you realise? We haven't even thought this through, you've no idea how much a baby needs!'

Sirius pouted and looked down at Harry, whom he was holding on his lap. Sirius had always doted on Harry, but now they were inseparable – one might almost think Sirius had glued himself to his godson.

'He's only tiny, I don't know what you're talking about,' he said stubbornly.

Remus groaned again. 'What about cots and changing tables? And milk, that's all that's been in my fridge for _days!_ Soon Harry's going to start crawling and walking and talking, he'll need a potty and we'd need to put a gate on the stairs… Sirius, there's so much we haven't prepared for!'

'Wow,' said Sirius. 'We haven't thought this through much, have we Moony?'

'Abrrrrrrrrr,' said Harry. Sirius almost leapt up in shock and Remus ran over to make sure he didn't drop Harry.

'I've got it, I've got it,' Sirius said, waving Remus away. He held Harry up to his face and looked at him very seriously. 'What did you just say?'

'Eeeeepkh,' said Harry. He burst into giggles.

'I think I might cry,' said Sirius, grinning broadly.

Remus smiled. 'So… we're going to your mum's?'

Sirius's smile vanished and he stuck his bottom lip out like a petulant toddler. 'Fine,' he muttered. 'We'll go next week. Or the week after. But trust me, after two days you'll be begging to come back to your tiny little abode. _Trust _me.'

* * *

><p>'I'm back,' Sirius called. 'You won't believe this.' He sounded faintly angry.<p>

Remus emerged from the kitchen, where Harry's coos and giggles could be heard. 'What? Is everything okay?'

Sirius walked into the kitchen and Remus followed. Sirius held up a copy of the _Daily Prophet _with a grim expression. 'Well, firstly, Voldemort's officially gone. Nobody knows where, but… Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to tell you. That slimy toad Lucius Malfoy's got out of being charged with being a Death Eater, that's what,' he said, gritting his teeth and trying not to hit something. Remus's mouth fell open.

'_What?'_

'I know.' Sirius shook his head. 'That bastard, that lying little –'

'_Sirius! _Harry's in the kitchen!' Remus protested.

Sirius sighed. 'It's not fair!' he moaned. 'The criminal justice system is bloody messed up!'

'How can they let him get away with it?'

'I suppose dear Lucius paid a nice little sum to the Ministry to keep him safe.'

'But that's illegal in itself! Surely someone –'

'Oh come on Moony, we all know Lucius Malfoy has the Ministry in his pocket! People like him can get away with it.' Sirius's tone was unbearably bitter.

'It's not fair,' Remus echoed. Sirius sank into a chair.

'I want to go after him, Moony. I want to go after that little rat and I want to kill him!'

Remus sighed. 'You're not talking about Malfoy anymore, are you? Look, Sirius, I know. _I _want to kill him too!'

Sirius looked pleadingly up at his friend. 'Then why can't we?'

'Sirius, think about your godson! Think about Harry! If you or I or both of us were to go after Wormtail, what would happen to Harry? He'd have to go to his aunt and uncle!'

'Maybe they'd be better parents than us,' Sirius muttered.

'_How _can you say that?' Remus cried. 'Lily never talked about Petunia in the most complimentary tones, and anyway they wanted _you _to look after Harry! Don't you think you owe them that much?' He put his arms affectionately around Sirius, who leaned into him without a second thought.

'It's not fair,' he said again. 'I miss them so much.'

'I miss them too.'

There was silence.

'Voldemort's gone, you know. It's official, the Ministry released a statement this morning.'

Remus nodded. 'Dumbledore said something like that too, the night they…' He stopped.

'Why d'you think it happened?' asked Sirius. 'I mean, it was obviously something to do with Harry, or else he wouldn't be here, would he? But I don't get it.'

'I know,' Remus muttered into Sirius's hair. 'How can Harry have stopped the most feared dark wizard of all time if he's only a baby?'

Sirius thought for a moment. 'You don't think…'

'What?'

'Well – you don't think he's got some kind of…'

'_What?'_

'You know… powers, or something, do you?' The idea seemed absurd, ridiculous even to him, but how else could a _child _survive something like that? How could _anyone?_

Remus tried to be kind, tried not to laugh, but the idea was pretty weird. 'No,' he said thoughtfully. ''Cause that kind of thing's genetic, isn't it, and Lily and James never had any… powers, not that we knew of.'

'I suppose you're right,' said Sirius. 'But I just don't get… it's weird,' he finished pensively, shaking his head. 'Remus…'

'Yeah?'

'I can't believe it, still… I can't believe he tried to kill a _child. _A _baby._'

'Me neither. I could never understand people who'd want to hurt a child, it's just wrong,' Remus stated a little shakily.

'It's the funeral tomorrow.'

'Mm hmm.'

'Do you think we should take Harry?'

'We have to,' Remus insisted. 'They're his parents. He needs to be there.'

'Mm.'

Dumbledore had kindly offered to take charge of planning the Lily and James's funeral, but Sirius being Sirius had insisted on taking full charge, even though it had distressed him a lot and almost worn him out completely, so that neither he nor Remus had slept in days – though this was also partly due to the fact that Harry had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and crying loudly.

The funeral would obviously take place in Godric's Hollow, and Lily and James would be buried in the graveyard, as Godric's Hollow was Harry's first home, and he had been born in the house that he had lived in mere days ago. Sirius and Remus had been surprised and pleased to be contacted by so many people who had wanted to attend the funeral. The place would be packed, but the more people there to honour the memory of the Potters the better.

Remus suddenly realised that he was still holding onto Sirius and reluctantly pulled away. Sirius was surprised and also rather disappointed, but quickly covered up his hurt and stood up.

'I'd better go and check on Harry,' he mumbled, not moving. He knew there was something he had to say, but he didn't have a clue whether the response would be positive or negative, and he wasn't sure he could face rejection right now, when he most needed love and support, even if it wasn't the kind of love he was after.

Minutes passed. Both men waited. Silence hung in the air like a heavy curtain, weighing down on them both as they waited.

And waited.

'Well, I should go check on him,' Sirius said awkwardly, and moved off towards the door.

'Sirius –' Remus began, reaching out to his friend as if making to grab him.

'What?' Sirius asked, turning, hardly daring to hope Remus might say what Sirius wanted to hear.

'Did you – You looked like you wanted to say something,' Remus mumbled, studying the floor.

'Oh. Well, no. I didn't,' Sirius replied, almost snappishly. 'Anything _you _want to say?'

Remus looked a little taken aback. 'I – No,' he lied.

Fine then,' said Sirius. He walked away and moments later Remus heard his footsteps on the stairs.

* * *

><p>'<em>To celebrate the lives of Lily and James Potter… So tragically cut short… Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust…'<em>

'…Moony?'

'Nngh…'

'Moony?'

'What?'

'Moony, I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about –'

'The funeral. Yeah, me too.' Remus turned his head slightly to look at Sirius, who looked back helplessly. Remus had never seen the man so utterly, so completely devastated. It was intolerable, having to see him like this and knowing he could do almost nothing to help – like standing on the shore watching a person drowning out in the middle of a deep, wide ocean and knowing that the life-ring in your hands was punctured to the point of uselessness. Sirius was clearly looking hopefully for Remus's life-ring, but Remus wasn't sure he even had one, let alone one that was any use at all.

'Remus?'

'Yeah.'

'I'm scared. I'm really scared, Remus.' Sirius really did sound genuinely frightened, not to mention upset (well, upset was rather an understatement), and his tone scared Remus too.

'Of what? Dumbledore's given us the best protection he can, and that's pretty good protection to say the least, and if what everyone's saying is true then Voldemort's gone anyway –'

'No,' Sirius interrupted quietly. 'I'm not scared of what Death Eaters can do to me. I – I just… It just hit me – today – that we're never gonna see Lily and James again. Ever.'

Remus nodded. 'I know.' Next to him, he could feel Sirius shaking with sticky sobs (they both seemed to have forgotten the shared-bed-for-one-night-only rule), and wrapped his arms around the man by his side. Sirius buried his head in the crook between his friend's chin and shoulder, a gesture which made butterflies erupt in Remus's stomach, and he felt ashamed for feeling such a rush of pleasant adrenaline at such a devastating time. But still, he found no comforting words rising to his lips. No words at all, in fact. Though Lily and James had been dead and Sirius and Remus co-parents of their orphaned child for several days now, it had only just dawned on him that he was now going to have to live without two of his best friends for the rest of his life.

A horrible thought struck him as he lay there in the darkness, Sirius still nestled against him. What if Sirius had gone after Wormtail? What if Remus had been unable to stop his friend from going out and seeking revenge on the traitor who had caused Lily and James's murders – and he, Remus, had been left to raise Harry on his own? He felt so selfish for thinking that last thought, but fear struck him as he thought of it. How would he cope on his own? Despite his constant reassurances to Sirius that Harry's waking up and crying in the night wasn't serious or that just because he refused his bottle sometimes it didn't necessarily mean he was on the brink of death, Remus had to admit that – honestly – he didn't have a clue how to look after a child.

Thank god he had Sirius…

He almost drifted into an uneasy sleep with Sirius absently nuzzling his neck – he certainly would have done if Harry hadn't woken up with a thin, reedy wail. Remus didn't know how much sleep he and Sirius got between them these days, but it certainly wasn't a lot – it was a rare occurrence if Harry didn't wake them in the middle of the night, wanting a feed or a change or perhaps just to be in the arms of someone who might possibly come close to a parent, and by now the two men had become used to it, so much that it was almost part of their daily (or nightly) routine.

'I'll get him,' Sirius said quickly. He was out of bed and across the room before Remus could even sit up. 'Shh, it's alright little man,' he whispered to Harry, as he lifted the baby boy out of the cot and rocked him.

'Sirius, you know he's not going to be in immediate danger if I get within twenty feet of him, right?' Remus said irritably. Sirius shot him a _Look_, with a capital 'L'. It was a look that you didn't want to cross.

'I know,' he said, glaring. 'But he's _my _godson.'

Remus sighed. Sirius could be a stubborn bugger at times, not that Remus didn't love him (as a friend only of course – feeling anything other than friendship towards him was ridiculous. Simply ridiculous.), but he really was difficult to live with, Remus had had to learn that rather quickly. At least Sirius didn't leave dirty clothes all over the floor (Remus had quickly gone round and gathered up all _his _dirty clothes and put them in the washing since his best friend had moved in), or leave the cap off the toothpaste or anything like that. He did have a tendency to buy food as if they were preparing for a famine sometime soon, but Remus could overlook that – he could always buy a bigger fridge.

'Remus, he won't stop crying,' Sirius whined five minutes later, turning to his best friend and ineffectually rocking Harry up and down, holding him to his chest with a hopeless expression on his face. Sirius's eyes were half-closed with piteous exhaustion; despite his annoyance at Sirius being so untrusting of him, Remus took pity on him and went over to take Harry. Sirius let him go, but reluctantly, and although he looked like he would have liked to collapse onto the bed and sleep for a week he stayed beside Remus and surveyed him as though ready to catch Harry if he was dropped.

'Sirius, I'm _not _going to drop him,' Remus said through gritted teeth.

'How do you _know _you're not?' Sirius retorted. 'How would you feel if you said that and then you _did _drop him and I wasn't here, eh?'

'Bloody hell, what happened to Reckless Sirius?' Remus muttered, inspecting Harry to see what was wrong. Sirius gave him another Look, but didn't respond.

'Maybe he's hungry,' Remus suggested, and Sirius shot off faster than a Snidget to go and get Harry's bottle. Remus shook his head and then looked back at Harry. 'What's wrong with you, eh?' Perhaps some of Sirius's over-protectiveness (bordering on paranoia) was rubbing off on him – he was starting to worry that attending the funeral might have had a detrimental effect on Harry. Of course, funerals obviously weren't supposed to have a positive effect on people, but Harry was only a baby so how could he possibly have known that he was going to his old home to bury his parents? Maybe it was the journey that had done it, he _knew _they shouldn't have taken Sirius's bike… although Sirius himself had been rather apprehensive about it, and maybe he'd been right…

'Oh, god. I'm turning into Sirius,' he told Harry.

'Are you talking about me, Moony?' Sirius called, coming back up the stairs with a bottle.

'Yup,' Remus replied, making to take the bottle. Predictably, Sirius refused to give it to him and remained determined to do everything Harry-related himself. He offered it to Harry, but the baby turned his head away with a whimper, and rejected the bottle completely, which (unsurprisingly) worried Sirius.

'Why won't he take his bottle? Is he ill? I think he's ill,' Sirius fretted, hurrying uselessly around and inspecting Harry closely for signs of deteriorating health. Remus waved him away like an annoying fly and lifted back Harry's hair to check his temperature. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

A thin, red scar stretched from the top of Harry's forehead to the gap between his eyebrows. It was very clearly defined, and quite large. Remus touched a cautious finger to the scar and, as it didn't seem to give Harry any pain, traced it slowly – diagonally left, then right, then left again in the curious shape of a lightning bolt. He was silent for some time, and Sirius even stopped flapping and came over. 'What's up, Moony? Is he really ill?'

'I dunno. Look at this, Sirius.'

Sirius peered carefully over Remus's shoulder, then looked at his friend after several silent minutes.

'Is that where…?'

'That's what I was thinking.'

'Does it hurt him?'

'I don't think so.' Remus shook his head. 'I traced it with my finger and it didn't seem to cause him any pain.' He put a hand to Harry's head. It was hot.

'Has he got a temperature?' Sirius asked. Remus nodded.

'Yeah, I think he's got a fever.'

Sirius resumed his rushing around and started packing up several of Harry's things into a bag, including most of his clothes as well as some toys and books.

'What are you doing?' Remus asked, exasperated but fighting an urge to laugh at the same time.

'Packing up Harry's stuff, what does it look like?'

'Yeah, but why?'

Sirius gave him his third Look that night. 'We're taking him to the hospital, Remus, honestly,' he huffed.

'The _hospital? _Sirius, he's got a fever that's all – we'll put him to bed and watch over him and just call the doctor in the morning.' Living in a Muggle-inhabited village since the age of eighteen, Remus had got used to referring to Muggle Healers as 'doctors'.

'The what?'

'Doctor. It's like a Healer, but they're not for emergencies.'

'Well, this _is _an emergency,' Sirius muttered, zipping up the bag and picking it up. 'A fever could be dangerous.'

'Sirius –'

Sirius stood up and looked him full in the face. The look he gave Remus was curious – it wasn't angry or stubborn, merely rather frightened and pleading. 'Remus, I thought you'd understand. He's all we have left of _them_. We can't lose the only thing we have left of them. We can't. Please.'

Remus relented. He supposed he would have done the same had he put Harry back in his cot and given the situation a second thought. Besides, he would do almost anything for Sirius anyway.

'Come on, we'll take him to A&E,' he sighed, handing Harry to Sirius (who had requested his godson rather impatiently) and pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans before picking up Harry's bag. Sirius, who was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms already, merely slipped on a pair of shoes before heading out of the door, having wrapped Harry in a large blanket.

'What's A&E by the way?' Sirius called when they were halfway down the stairs.

'Accident and Emergency. That's what they call Muggle hospitals sometimes,' Remus explained, adding, 'We go to the _Accident _department,' before Sirius could insist that they go to the Emergency section.

* * *

><p>Wendy Adams was not having a good week. She'd been stood up on a date only the previous night, and on Tuesday the hairdresser had misunderstood her request for a 'trim' and cut her beautiful, light blond, almost-but-not-quite-waist-length hair into a shoulder-length bob. She'd felt rather obliged to wear a hat ever since, but seeing as the hospital waiting was pretty warm, from all the body heat and (ugh) male sweat, she'd taken it off and was recording the exit time of an elderly couple when she was approached.<p>

'Name?' she said, not looking up from her desk.

'Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Harry Potter,' Remus replied with a cordial smile that she missed.

The woman still did not look up, but it appeared to Remus that she was restraining a laugh with some difficulty. She cleared her throat.

'Right then,' she said, biting her lip to keep from spluttering with laughter. There was only one person in the trio with a decent name. What was it with parents? If her parents had called her 'Remus' she'd have legally disowned them as soon as she was able. 'What's the problem?'

'He's got a fever, we think it might be serious,' said the darker-haired man, stepping forward rather authoritatively. 'He' was probably the baby that the man was clutching like a life-line. Wendy regarded him with interest. He was rather good looking… No, forget good looking – he was _gorgeous_. His face was haughtily handsome, framed gracefully by his coal-black hair which curled softly, falling into his eyes with a sort of indescribably laid-back elegance. His eyes were deep brown and shaped like perfect almonds, with long sweeping lashes, wasted on any boy to be sure, and thin, elegant eyebrows that were arched in an almost cynical manner. They accompanied a sarcastic smile that said quite clearly, _Yes I'm gorgeous and I know and I know _you _know it, but can we please concentrate on the task in hand?_

She returned the cynical smile (though, regrettably, it was nowhere near the standard of his own) and looked the other man up and down. He was… less handsome, but still, she thought, she wouldn't kick him out of bed. He was taller than his… friend, slender and willowy. His soft, light brown hair fell into his face with a kind of embarrassed grace and swept across his forehead to his left. His eyes matched his hair almost exactly, and something about them made them look like the man they belonged to had lived a hundred years of troubles. His pale face was nervous, disconcerted; it was graceful, almost feminine. All in all, not bad for eye candy. He cleared his throat nervously.

'Right, yes, sorry,' she smiled brightly at them both. What a shame they were together – she had probably never seen a more gorgeous man than the dark-haired one, but having said that the other wasn't bad either. What a shame.

Wendy nodded at the baby. 'He's got a fever, you say?'

'Yeah,' said Sirius, looking at her rather suspiciously. Unless he was very much mistaken, the woman had just eyed up Remus. Trying to control the rising jealousy and anger in his body, he gave her another of those perfect, sardonic smiles – a Black family speciality. If he'd learned nothing else from his mother (apart from the fact that thinking purebloods were the wizard equivalent of royalty _clearly _made you go crazy), he'd learned how exactly to perfect those smiles. 'He's restless too and he won't feed.'

'Well if you just go to the children's ward the receptionist there will take your name and you can wait for a doctor,' Wendy replied, not trying in the least to be civil.

Remus smiled nervously. 'Thanks,' he said.

She flashed him a winning smile (the dark-haired man suddenly had a coughing fit) and said, 'No problem. Oh, but I have to take his name first.' She nodded at the baby.

'Oh, he's Harry. Harry Potter.' Sometimes Remus felt glad he lived in a village the majority of which was resided in by Muggles. This was one of those times. He couldn't imagine what the reaction to this simple sentence would be at St. Mungo's – there'd probably be a photo shoot or something, with Harry on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ when what he really needed was a Healer. In fact, Remus was rather surprised the _Prophet _hadn't called round already. Perhaps Dumbledore's protection included putting protective spells on the house so it couldn't be seen. Maybe he'd just warned them to stay away (although, with Rita Skeeter as their 'top reporter', Remus highly doubted that even Dumbledore could deter the _Prophet _from such an extremely important news story).

'Right. And you're his dads?' Wendy said, clearly bored.

She had to restrain another laugh as the two men looked at her, and then each other, in horror.

'Oh, no, no, no –'

'We're not together, no –'

'I'm Harry's godfather.'

Wendy pressed her lips together. The two men were practically falling over each other in their haste to assure her that they were not, in fact, together. On the upside, their haste meant that they were probably both straight, which put her in with a chance if she flirted enough. Perhaps not the _really _good looking one, he was too haughty and proud… But the other seemed nice enough. She gave him another smile, and pointed in the direction of the children's ward.

* * *

><p>'She was totally checking you out,' Sirius said, watching Remus closely as they left the hospital.<p>

'Really?' Remus asked, pleasantly surprised.

Sirius's lip curled. 'Yeah,' he confirmed. 'Didn't think much of her though.'

'No?' Remus replied, fighting an urge to laugh. Sirius seemed rather put out all of a sudden.

'No,' the other confirmed. 'Thought she was a bit stuck up.'

Remus had to laugh then. 'She didn't do anything wrong! Are you a bit ruffled? Did you think she didn't check _you _out first?'

Sirius pouted. 'Kept smiling at _you_,though,' he muttered moodily.

'I might just ask her out then,' Remus joked. His friend's eyes narrowed.

'You're not bloody bringing _her_ round.'

'So what did the nurse at the Children's Ward say? A cold bath and just check on him every few hours, is that right?' he said quickly, trying and failing to change the subject.

'You'd better not ask her out,' Sirius warned.

'Are you jealous, Padfoot? Feeling rejected?'

'Words fail me,' Sirius said, shaking his head. 'You get more like me every day.'

Remus's jaw dropped in mock-offence. 'How dare you! I am hurt!'

Sirius laughed and leaned against Remus, who shoved him off.

'Come on, Padfoot, get inside,' he giggled, unlocking the front door and shoving Sirius in through it. 'We need to get Harry to bed.'

'Right, right,' Sirius said, nodding. He took Harry upstairs, but Harry suddenly decided to start wailing again and wouldn't stop. Sirius became rather stressed again, but Remus calmed him after Harry had been given a cool bath (where everybody got rather wet) and had finally been rocked to sleep. After two hours, exhausted and drained, both men collapsed onto Remus's bed.

'Remus…'

'Mm?'

'I – I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about…'

'I know, Sirius,' Remus whispered. 'I know, I can't stop thinking about them either.'

'I need to go after Wormtail, Remus. Please. I _have _to.'

Remus groaned and closed his eyes. 'Sirius, how many times?'

Sirius gritted his teeth. 'What about Lily and James, Moony?'

'What about Dumbledore?' Remus hissed. 'How could you betray his trust like that when you _know _he's giving us the best protection he can? He's got us under the bloody Fidelius Charm, Padfoot!'

'So what?' Sirius argued. 'You'd think Dumbledore would understand –'

'And Harry? What about him?'

'What _about_ Harry?'

Remus sighed. 'Sirius, he _needs _you. And you need him! Don't you argue, you know you do – he's the only thing you've got! Please, Sirius, how many times? How many times do I have to keep reminding you? You have responsibilities now! You have to live up to them!'

There was a long silence.

'Sorry, Moony,' Sirius murmured. 'I just… It just makes me so _angry _to think – to think that he's got away with it.'

'He _won't _get away with it,' Remus said. 'The Order is out looking for him Sirius. We'll be okay.'

He wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders, a gesture that was oddly comforting to the other. Sirius nestled down into Remus's arms and, without another word, fell asleep.

_**Argh, crap ending – I'm suffering from writer's block… I'll get better, I promise. :)**_

_**LOL, I love that phrase: 'Wouldn't kick him out of bed!' It's one of my brother's favourites, and I'm not going to explain it as I don't want to corrupt your precious little minds (haha, how innocent can you be if you read M-rated fics?) I think it's kinda self-explanatory anyway…**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**IT'S SATURDAY! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! **_

_**Have fun guys! :)**_

_**Thanks so much to Holmes44, luck-life, imSiriuslyLupin4you, ChocolateFrogsForMoony, Ally and The Lady of the Land for your great reviews! Glad you like the story so far and here's hoping you'll keep reading. :)**_

_**Oh, more strong language! You lucky readers! **_

_**There.**_

_**Now you can't say I didn't warn you.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Six

'Shit,' Sirius stated simply, staring down at the _Daily Prophet _on his lap. 'Bloodyfuckingbuggeringfucking –'

'Sirius?'

Sirius sighed. He moaned. He put his head in his hands. He'd known all along that it was somehow all going to come to this, but why had it come so soon? He couldn't even respond to Remus's gentle call, much as he wanted to hear his voice again. _Why? _Who was he? What had happened to him? Where was handsome, cheeky, jovial, _so_-goddamn-super-sexy, happy-go-lucky Sirius Black?

It seemed like all his luck had run out now.

Remus walked in from the kitchen, having just come downstairs after putting Harry to bed, leaned forward and gently tugged the copy of the _Prophet _from his friend's lap. The sight of the headline made his blood run cold.

_SIRIUS BLACK NAMED AS BETRAYER OF LILY AND JAMES POTTER_

_MINISTRY LAUNCHES MASS SEARCH FOR BLACK_

He had time to read the first sentence before Sirius let out another desperate wail:

_Today, the 5__th__ November, the Ministry of Magic has announced that Sirius Black, believed to be in league with You-Know-Who, who disappeared mysteriously on 31__st__ October, is thought to have betrayed wizards Lily and James Potter to You-Know-Who, leading to their deaths on the same night the Dark Lord disappeared. Black, twenty-one, was widely known as one of the Potters' closest friends…_

'No way,' Remus muttered. His voice rose angrily as fear and rage coursed through his veins. 'No _fucking _way!'

Sirius made no response but to sob into his hands.

'_How _can they let this happen?' Remus cried, pacing the living room floor and screwing the paper into a tight ball of black and white print. 'How can Dumbledore let them _do _this?'

'Remus…' Sirius croaked, finally lifting his head from his hands. 'It's not Dumbledore's fault…'

'He _promised _to keep you safe!' Remus yelled, uncharacteristically angry. Sirius was apprehensive, bordering on frightened, by this sudden outburst of rage. Remus was usually the calm one, the one who solved disputes through talking rather than duelling (Sirius, typically, would always rather opt for the latter), yet now here he was, pacing the floor and tearing his hair out over some allegation in the _Prophet_, going, 'He promised to keep us all safe! Howcan you be _safe_, Sirius, if you've got Aurors after you, threatening to kill you or put you in Azkaban?'

What little colour was left in Sirius's face drained away. He hadn't so much as thought about Azkaban. He swallowed.

'They're gonna take me to _Azkaban?_' he said very quietly. Remus, who had been growing redder by the minute, also turned white, and stopped pacing. He drifted over and crouched down beside Sirius's armchair, putting a soothing arm around his friend.

'No, of course they're not,' he murmured.

'But you said –'

'Well I won't _let _them, okay? I won't let them get you, Padfoot, I promise,' Remus whispered.

There was a sharp rap on the door. Both men froze.

'Shit,' Sirius moaned, laying his head in his hands again. 'It's the Ministry they've come for me…'

He carried on muttering about Azkaban and Dementors, but Remus stood up and looked hard at the door. Dumbledore had put the Fidelius Charm over the house, hadn't he, and offered to be their Secret-Keeper. Unless he had chosen to divulge the secret (and that was highly unlikely), nobody else could know where they were. He started to the door but Sirius grabbed the back of his jumper.

'What are you _doing?' _he hissed. 'Why are you betraying me?'

Remus shook his head. 'I'm not,' he replied, 'it's Dumbledore. He's the only one who knows we're here.'

'Oh,' said Sirius, and let go of the back of his sweater, though he still looked very reluctant to let Remus answer the door. As soon as he heard the latch click he jumped up, terrified, but sighed in relief when he heard Dumbledore's (rather calm, considering the situation) voice fill the tiny hall.

'Ah, Remus.'

'Good afternoon, Professor.' Remus had never quite lost that awe-struck tone he unconsciously adopted when speaking to Dumbledore, Sirius noted with a half-smile. It probably would have been a full smile, if it weren't for the threat of Azkaban and the injustice of the whole wizarding world thinking he was responsible for Lily and James's deaths hanging over him.

Dumbledore stepped over the threshold and closed the door firmly behind him. 'Is Sirius here?' he enquired. His tone was pleasant, but there was an urgency there that even he could not mask – he obviously knew.

'Yes, Professor, he's just in the living room,' Remus said, adding quickly, 'You know he's not responsible, don't you?'

Dumbledore smiled kindly. 'Of course I know he did not betray Lily and James. I know neither of you did – you swore to me the night I rescued Harry from the rubble of his home that you had never betrayed them. I can tell when someone is telling the truth, believe me.'

'But the Ministry don't,' Remus said with sudden bitterness. He would desperately have liked to add, 'Why didn't you tell them after you _promised _to keep us safe?' but he couldn't quite manage it. Sirius would have said it without a second thought, and Remus berated himself for being such a coward, but he still couldn't bring himself to yell at his old headmaster.

'No, the Ministry _don't_, Remus, you are quite right, which is why I would like a word with Sirius, if you please,' Dumbledore replied. His tone was almost serene, but for an underlying hint of impatient irritation.

Remus nodded, with a feeling he'd just had a big slice of humble pie forced down his throat, and led Dumbledore through to the living room, where Sirius was sort of frozen in the middle of the floor.

'Er… Sirius?'

Sirius looked up, smiled uneasily at Remus, then spotted Dumbledore and flushed. 'Oh hello Professor. Would you, erm, like to come in?'

'Sirius, Remus, sit down,' Dumbledore said gently. Remus was rather taken aback at being told to sit down in his own house, but sat nevertheless, and Sirius followed suit. Both of them looked at Dumbledore with a kind of nervous expectation. Dumbledore surveyed them both carefully, then spoke.

'Now, Sirius, as I am _sure _you are aware, you have been wrongly accused of committing a crime.'

Sirius regarded Dumbledore. 'I _know_,' he said irritably. Dumbledore showed no sign of reaction to Sirius's tone.

'Good,' he said, smiling in an infuriating manner. 'Well then,' he continued, 'I hope you trust that I am doing everything I can to explain the situation to the Ministry.'

'Have you caught Peter yet?' Remus said tersely from the doorway. Sirius started – he hadn't noticed Remus get up and start pacing again. Dumbledore looked mildly irritated.

'No, Remus, I am afraid we have not,' he said briskly. 'However –'

'I thought so.'

'_However_, I can assure you both that the Order of the Phoenix is doing everything in its power to find him. We are also keeping a track on all known Death Eaters and several of Lord Voldemort's past followers who claim to have been forced into following him.'

'Malfoy got away. What are you doing about him, then?'

Sirius could do nothing but sit in stunned silence for a moment. He had never heard Remus talk to Dumbledore like that before. What on earth had happened to Quiet Remus, forever in awe of the old man? Where the hell had _he _gone? What was going on today?

Dumbledore cleared his throat. 'I am afraid, Remus, that we can do nothing about Mr. Malfoy at the present moment. However –'

'But he's a Death Eater!'

'_However_,' Dumbledore continued firmly, 'we can do something about Sirius: you two must go into hiding.'

'But we are in hiding,' Remus said. Sirius frowned.

'The _three _of us,' he corrected.

Dumbledore's fixedly calm expression worried Sirius immensely, and sure enough, the next words he spoke were, 'I am afraid Harry will not be able to come with you.'

'_What?' _the two younger men cried in unison.

'But Professor –' Remus protested, but Dumbledore cut him off.

'I have been thinking this situation over, and I feel that Harry would be better off with his aunt and uncle.'

His words were followed by a ringing silence as Sirius and Remus gaped at him in horror. Sirius was first to break it.

'No way,' he said. 'Harry's coming with us.' His tone was firm but his hands shook and his voice quavered. They couldn't take Harry away – how could they take away the only thing Sirius had reason to live for.

'Professor, if you take Harry Sirius will go after Peter and –'

'Is this the correct time to remind you that there is a full moon in approximately a week, Mr. Lupin?' Dumbledore said pointedly. Remus fell silent, and Sirius noticed that Dumbledore had addressed Remus as 'Mr. Lupin' – he had assumed an authoritative, teacher tone.

They were done for.

'Professor, please,' Sirius said hoarsely. 'Remus is right, if you take Harry there'll be nothing left to stop me from going after Wormtail, and I don't want to go to Azkaban. Even though I'll probably get sent there anyway, I don't want…' His voice tailed away as Dumbledore fixed him with that piercing blue gaze, and said, 'I notice that you referred to Mr. Pettigrew as "Wormtail". Is there any particular reason for this? A nickname that sprung from… whence?'

Sirius and Remus exchanged horrified glances, but knew that they had no choice – telling Dumbledore about Sirius, James and Peter's biggest bout of rule-breaking, though undoubtedly excruciating, would probably amount to a crucial piece of evidence against Wormtail – and that meant justice.

Sirius bit his lip and began.

'Professor, the thing is… In our fifth year –'

'It was because of me, Professor.'

Dumbledore turned his gaze politely from Sirius to Remus. 'Whatever do you mean, Mr. Lupin?' he asked cordially.

Remus took a deep breath, looking as though he really didn't want to explain – but Sirius had been about to when he'd cut him off.

'As you know, Professor,' Remus began, seemingly having calmed down and become his polite, awe-struck self again round Dumbledore, 'the Shrieking Shack was built for me when I came to Hogwarts, so that I could transform every month and still attend school and have some chance at a half-normal life. **That's where all of this starts – with my becoming a werewolf. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been bitten… and if I hadn't been so foolhardy…**

'**It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me. But then you became Headmaster, **Professor, **and you were sympathetic. You said that as long as we took certain precautions, there was no reason why I shouldn't come to school…' Remus sighed, and looked directly at Dumbledore.**

'**My transformations in those days were – were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf.' **He broke off, his head turned to look at Dumbledore but his eyes seemingly far away – he might have been talking to himself. There was a small silence, before he continued:

'**But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black… Peter Pettigrew… and, of course, James Potter.**

'**Now, my friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her… I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they worked out the truth…**

'**And they didn't desert me at all. Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life.'**

He stopped again. Sirius looked uncertainly at him, and he dropped his gaze from Dumbledore to the floor, unwilling to divulge the secret – the last thing he wanted to do was get Sirius into even more trouble, this time for being an unregistered Animagus.

'Remus? Tell him,' Sirius said.

'What did they do, Mr. Lupin?' Dumbledore asked gently. Remus swallowed.

'**They became Animagi.'**

Dumbledore's reaction was not what Remus had expected. He had envisaged Dumbledore standing over them, shouting and reprehending and possibly reporting them to the Ministry. Instead, he nodded and said, in an interested tone, as though simply discussing the outcome of last week's Quidditch match, 'Animagi? Goodness, that must have take some work.'

Remus looked up. Dumbledore did not seem at all angry, which only made Remus feel worse. **It would have been better if he had shouted. **The guilt Remus felt for betraying Dumbledore's trust was immense, and the way the old man simply smiled and spoke as if he were politely intrigued only increased that sense of having betrayed somebody he looked up to and admired so much.

'How long did it take?' Dumbledore asked. 'I am aware that Sirius,' he nodded at Sirius as he spoke, 'and James were the brightest pupils in school – but surely, it can't have been easy. **The Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong – one reason the Ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it.'**

Remus nodded.

'**It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius. Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into a different animal at will.**

'**They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals. A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak, They transformed… Peter, as the smallest, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it. They would then slip down the tunnel and join me. Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them.' **

He finished with a sort of anxious expectancy, awaiting Dumbledore's reply. Dumbledore merely nodded, and said rather pensively, 'Wormtail… A mouse or rat, I presume?'

Sirius said, 'A rat, Professor. A grey common or garden rat.'

Dumbledore nodded once again. 'Well then,' he said, 'thank you for this crucial piece of evidence. Now back to the matter at hand.

'Sirius, how would you feel about moving back to your old home and living under the Fidelius Charm? Again, I can assure you the best protection there is, and the Ministry will be less likely to know where you are until this messy business can be cleared up.'

There was a pause, in which Sirius and Remus looked rather shocked.

'No way,' Sirius said, coming to his senses and shaking his head. 'I'm not going back there under any circumstances. I ran away when I was sixteen, I can't go back!' He'd only agreed to go back in the first place because he knew he could wrap Remus around his little finger about anything – but there was no possibility of getting round Dumbledore.

He looked pleadingly at Dumbledore, who sighed in a weary manner.

'Then you leave me no choice, Sirius,' he said. 'I hate to do this but if Harry is to be safe from harm you must either go back to Grimmauld Place or hand him over to his aunt and uncle.'

Sirius froze. How unjustified was this? He glared at Dumbledore, wondering how his life had so quickly turned upside down. It was as I he'd drunk some sort of Felix Felicis-type potion, only one that had the opposite effects. Dumbledore was asking him to revisit the one place he had finally managed to escape from, or he must give up the only thing stopping him from landing himself in Azkaban. It was an option between the most unfair thing in the world and the most unfair thing in the world – and yet he knew he had no choice.

'Fine,' he growled, still glaring. 'Fine, I'll go back to Grimmauld Place. But as soon as the Ministry realise what stupid idiots are running the Auror Department, you'd better get me out of there.'

Dumbledore nodded, but did not smile. 'Good,' he said. 'I am glad you made this sensible decision so quickly.'

'Will you take the Fidelius Charm off my house then, Professor?' Remus asked. Dumbledore turned his gaze towards him, eyebrows raised in a curious, but not unkind, manner.

'Take it off? Whatever do you mean? I would not compromise your safety, Remus, at all.'

Remus frowned. 'But Professor, if Sirius and I are –'

He stopped suddenly, realising what Dumbledore meant. His jaw dropped, a horrified expression on his face. Sirius, however, did not understand. He too frowned, looking from Remus to Dumbledore, and back again to Remus.

'What do you mean, Professor?' he said hoarsely, studying Remus intently. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but something was very wrong. His breath came fast and shallow, as his eyes flicked from his friend to his former headmaster, face kept turned towards the former.

Dumbledore sighed. 'I feel that, for the safety of yourself and of Harry, Harry especially, it would be best that Remus did not come with you.'

Horror seeped through him like icy water; how could this happen? How could Dumbledore _say _something like that? Didn't he know that Remus was a necessary part of his and Harry's lives?

'Why – why not?' he said hoarsely. 'Why can't Remus come?'

Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak, but Remus answered instead, in that same bitter tone he had used when accusing Dumbledore of not doing enough to protect his best friend.

'It's because I'm a werewolf.'

Sirius's eyebrows knotted. He uttered one arrogant, monosyllabic reply:

'So?'

He'd run around with a werewolf who knew how many times at Hogwarts, so what was the big deal? Dumbledore was making far too much fuss about this. Lycanthropy was no big deal in Sirius's book – Remus couldn't help it, it wasn't as if it was a _choice_, so why the hell couldn't he stay with Sirius and Harry? It wasn't fair, Dumbledore couldn't take him away _just _because he was a werewolf. Dumbledore had never had a problem before. So why did he have one now?

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. He hated having to spell this out word for word because Sirius was too thick to understand, he hated realising that he would have no part in Harry's upbringing, and he hated having to pretend that he didn't care.

'Sirius,' he said, doing his best to keep him voice level, 'I'm a _werewolf_, right? What do werewolves do? They run around and scratch and bite themselves and looked for other people to scratch and bite. I'm not myself when I'm transformed. What if those other people were you, or your mother? What if it were _Harry?_' His blood ran cold at the very thought.

But Sirius shook his head. 'That's not going to happen,' he said firmly, as if by willing it not to happen he could prevent it. He turned to Dumbledore. 'This is all _your _fault!' he shouted, suddenly indifferent to the fact that this was Dumbledore he was yelling at. 'If you'd done more to try and stop this, Lily and James would still be here, I wouldn't be on the run from the Ministry and Remus wouldn't be being treated differently just because if something that happened to him when he was a kid!'

There was another long pause. Sirius, having realised that he had just accused Dumbledore of responsibility for every unlucky event in his life, stormed upstairs and flopped down on the bed, the bed that he would not see or smell or touch for an indefinite amount of time.

Life without Moony? How would that even be possible? He hadn't gone longer than a week without seeing his best friend since the age of eleven, excluding the school holidays when he had opted (or rather, been forced) to spend time at home rather than at Hogwarts. How the hell was he going to go without him? On top of that, how would he look after a _kid _on his own? True, he was getting better at feeding and changing and comforting Harry these days, but he was still petrified of getting it wrong. With Remus there, at least he had some reassurance, someone to tell him what to do, someone to help when he was tired and stressed and frustrated.

How the _hell _was he going to live without that?

He was vaguely aware of the voices of the other two downstairs, and heard the front door close, but he was far too upset to care.

* * *

><p>Remus sagged against the door, eyes closed, brain in a frenzied panic about the near future and how he was going to get through it. Life without Padfoot? That was impossible! No matter how many times he might scold and sigh and grin and shake his head and roll his eyes about Sirius's idiotic and reckless behaviour or his raunchy comments about the Fat Lady, the truth was he didn't think he could face drifting about the house without any company whatsoever. Despite having lived this way for three years now, over the past few weeks Remus had got used to sharing the tiny house with two other people – in fact, he'd half mapped out his whole future in his head. He and Sirius would read to Harry, play with him, teach him to walk and talk and use a potty, buy every single teaching book ever published from Flourish and Blotts, share responsibility of home-schooling Harry and write to him every week once he went to Hogwarts.<p>

And now none of that was ever going to happen, because Sirius had to leave in a week's time.

Despite being awe-inspired by Dumbledore, Remus couldn't help being angry at the old man for putting an end to the relatively normal life he'd half-begun to believe he might actually be able to lead.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, and sank to the floor, arms wrapped around his knees, head in his lap. Hot tears raced each other down his cheeks, but he wiped them away and resolved to adopt a don't-care attitude – the last thing he wanted was to break down in front of Sirius. If he could be brave, Sirius would be more than capable to managing without him.

He made his way up the stairs, however, only to find Sirius lying face-down, diagonally across the bed, shaking with sticky sobs. The sight hit Remus like a jinx, knocking the breath out of him and causing him to stumble back a step or two. He hadn't expected a reaction like this; he'd known Sirius would probably be a little upset (after all, they'd been friends for nearly eleven years), but to find Sirius in this sort of state was surreal. _Maybe… _No_. _He banned a wistful, drifting thought from his head, but decided not to leave Sirius alone right now, not when he needed somebody.

Remus dropped down onto the bed beside Sirius, and held him until he'd stopped crying. Sirius buried his face in Remus's neck and inhaled the warm, homely scents of toast, fresh linen, and the slightly woody aroma of cinnamon.

'I'm gonna miss you so much,' he whispered. 'Please don't make me go on my own.'

'I have to,' Remus replied. 'If I go, I'm only putting you and Harry in danger.'

Sirius nodded (as best he could), and said, 'I know, but I'll miss you all the same. It's as if, all my life, I've been a misfit. Then I get to Hogwarts and I've finally found some friends who accept me for who I am. And then…' He sniffed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. 'Then something horrible happens and I'm left in charge of a kid and I don't know a thing about kids. But I've got you, so I think everything's maybe going to turn out alright. And then, as soon as I'm starting to get my life back on track and seems like maybe, just maybe, everything _will _be okay, some old beardy guy tells me I've actually got to spend the rest of my life alone with my demented mother and a kid I can't raise by myself.'

Remus didn't laugh at the comment about Dumbledore. Instead, he said, very quietly, 'I didn't realise you felt exactly the same as I do.'

'I can't do it, Remus,' Sirius murmured desperately. 'I can't raise him on my own. I need you.'

'And I need _you_, Sirius, but it's not possible. I love you and I love Harry, and if I ever hurt either of you I'd never forgive myself. I don't want anything to happen.'

They sat, still entangled, in silence for some time, until Sirius's ragged breaths became softer and more even, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Remus lay him down and stretched out onto the bed, wondering how his life had changed so quickly.

'Remus…'

He looked over as Sirius softly murmured his name, but his friend was still asleep. Trying not to think about the butterflies he'd experienced at Sirius's unconscious murmur, he rolled over onto the opposite side of the bed, as far away from Sirius as possible. Perhaps, if he distanced himself now, it would hurt less when they were inevitably parted.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Just as a warning, there is quite a lot of swearing in this chapter, and this is going to be the slash-y bit (just a tip: DON'T read this while your parents/younger siblings/anyone are in the room). To quote our beloved Weasley King: 'Bloody hell.' Just imagine me wincing and looking over my shoulder every few seconds (you can tell I've never written slash before) and, well, you get the picture. It's probably going to be awful.**_

_**Anyway, I digress. Let us march boldly onwards, and if it gets too awful and cringe-y just skip over it. Actually, most of it's pretty laughable. You can entertain yourself with this chapter. It's terrible, but it's funny. Unintentionally, but still.**_

_**Oh, and I went a bit italic-happy in this chapter. Sorry… **_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold.**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Seven

'_Look, James,' he said consolingly, 'it was a mistake anyone could have made. Honestly, it really was. I'm sure Sirius or Peter or I would have done exactly the same. Honestly.'_

'_Yeah, I definitely would have, um, jumped on Evans under the mistletoe in the common room and stuck my tongue down her protesting throat before realising that what I was doing was completely socially unacceptable. Definitely,' Peter nodded._

'_But now she'll never speak to me again!' wailed a drunken and despairing James, clutching his Firewhiskey to his chest and sobbing dramatically into his pillow._

'_I'm, er, sure she will…' Remus said doubtfully, trying to scoop the bottle up as Firewhiskey spilled all over James's pillow; James snatched the bottle away and continued mourning his lost love._

'_Never mind, there's always New Year, if you can get her drunk enough,' Sirius said brightly._

'_You're so incessantly cheerful all the time, Padfoot!' Remus sighed, shaking his head._

'_I am _not _in-cesspit-ly cheerful!' Sirius cried in outrage. 'How dare you, Moony!'_

_Remus burst out laughing. 'Incessantly!' he cried. 'Don't you know what incessantly means?'_

'_No I don't,' Sirius said stubbornly, putting on his famous pout._

'_Sirius! I am shocked! You and Prongs here are about seven times as clever as I am –'_

'_Exactly!' cried Sirius triumphantly. 'So I don't see why you should be the one swanning around confusing everyone with your big words!'_

_Remus grinned. 'You're a hopeless case, Padfoot,' he laughed._

_Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Not as hopeless as you, Moony.'_

'_Moony…'_

Remus rolled over, now used to this method of waking up (albeit in the middle of the night), but for once Sirius wasn't hanging over him looking mournful – he was, in fact, still fast asleep.

'Moony…'

Remus's stomach lurched slightly as Sirius murmured his nickname once more, and rolled over, slipping his hand under the pillow, a slightly smile on his face.

'Mmmm… Remus…'

Remus began to comprehend exactly what was going on.

_Oh fuck. He's dreaming about me._

He didn't want to wake Sirius up, not when he was clearly having a nice dream (although Remus wasn't sure how he felt about that), but it was hard to go back to sleep with Sirius muttering his name every few seconds. He was rather curious about it anyway.

Sirius's murmurs suddenly grew louder and more reckless.

'Mmm… Oh _god_. Moony! _Moony!_'

_Fucking hell._

Sirius wasn't merely having a simple, ordinary dream about him. Oh no.

Sirius was having a fucking _wet _dream about him. About _him._

Wait. About _him?_

'Um, Sirius…' Remus started, completely gob-smacked. He wasn't sure what to say, only that he urgently needed to wake Sirius up.

'Mmm, _fuck, Moony!_' Sirius cried, curling into a ball and then straightening out again, then arching his back.

Remus sat up.

As quietly as he could, he slipped out of bed, pulled on a pair of jeans and padded into the spare room to check on Harry, who had moved into the tiny room in order to learn how to 'comfort himself' (according to one of Sirius's many baby care books). He'd make up some excuse later.

* * *

><p>'For god's sake, Remus, why are you so fucking <em>cold <em>all the time?'

Exactly six days had passed since the wet-dream-incident, and during those six days Remus had been increasingly distant. He had spent every evening out with that girl from the hospital, whom he had asked out after he and Sirius had taken Harry to the hospital for some vaccination jab or other (and whom Sirius had had to witness give Remus a humdinger of a snog outside the front door the previous night). Sirius had been left entirely alone to take care of Harry, and was rather annoyed with his friend, not least for shirking the responsibilities he had promised to take on board.

Sirius was also dismayed at the fact that Remus didn't seem to care that he was leaving tomorrow – neither of them had said anything about it since Dumbledore's visit, and although Remus had claimed that he would miss Sirius, his actions did not back up this claim.

To be frank, it really hurt.

Sirius couldn't understand what he'd done. He didn't know why Remus was being so… so _cool_, so _remote_, so _aloof… _He'd been trying to figure it out for nearly a week, but couldn't, and had finally cracked, demanding to know what was going on.

'What?' Remus lifted his head from his copy of the _Evening Prophet_ – the front page article depressingly titled: _MINISTRY CONTINUES MASS SEARCH FOR BLACK _– taken by surprise at Sirius's sudden, angry outburst.

'You're so bloody _distant_, you won't stay in the same room as me, you won't hold a conversation, you only give me one-word answers – see, you won't even _look _at me!' he cried furiously as Remus's gaze dropped to the floor, his cheeks slightly flushed in shame.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' he muttered, giving the kitchen floor an uncomfortable shrug.

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Come on, Moony, get your brain in gear!' he cried. 'You're so unfriendly, and you won't help me with Harry –'

'You'll be on your own anyway tomorrow, you might as well get used to it.'

'You're out all night, every night with that stupid blonde from the hospital –'

'So what if I'm out with Wendy?'

'Oh, it has a name, does it?' Sirius said sourly. Remus glared at him.

'What's it to you if I'm going out with her?'

'You're going out with Wendy, are you? Well – well _I'm _going out with… with that woman in the shop!' Sirius cried, suddenly quite demented.

'Sirius, she's sixty five,' Remus sighed. Why was he being like this?

'Well I like my women mature,' Sirius huffed. 'Are you being ageist, Moony?'

'She's married,' Remus added, having a feeling that this argument was rather pointless, but that neither of them was going to give up anyway.

Sirius's eyebrows knotted. 'How d'you know that?' he said, momentarily taken by surprise.

'It was her husband's birthday yesterday,' Remus sighed, wondering how they'd even got on to the lady-in-the-shop's husband. 'She told me.'

'We're having an affair, only she told me to keep it a secret!'

'And she said she was devoted to him and couldn't imagine looking at any other man,' Remus muttered, rolling his eyes. 'What's got into you?'

'Oh,' said Sirius, clearly wrong-footed. 'Erm. Well, then. That's probably why she ended it yesterday.'

Remus groaned. 'Padfoot, I'm serious! What's going on?'

'Alright!' Sirius yelled. 'Alright, I'm jealous! I'm jealous, okay? I just can't fucking _stand _seeing you with _her_! Every time she… she _looks_ at you or _smiles_ at you or whispers some god-awful joke she thinks is funny in your ear… every time I see you with her it fucking kills me!'

'What? Sirius, I… What's going on?'

Sirius looked away. 'I – I don't know.' What was happening? Why was he having these feelings? _Was _it just his possessive jealousy taking over, as Remus had suggested? Or was it something else? It couldn't be… Could it? Could it be possible that he actually felt something more than just friendship towards Remus? Could it really be happening? Could he, Sirius Black, the legendary Horniest Teenager at Hogwarts, _he_, Sirius Black the 'Gryffin-whore'… actually be falling for his best friend?

'Is this about you being possessive?'

Sirius froze. Did Remus _know? _But he couldn't possibly. He hadn't told him – yet.

'What?' he said, his mouth dry.

'Your stupid, jealous possessiveness over everyone that you seem to wear like a badge all the time!' Remus exploded, suddenly angry.

'What are you talking about? I'm not possessive!' Sirius argued.

'Oh _please! _Why are you so goddamn bloody-minded all the time, huh? Why can't you just accept, for _once_, that you might actually have some flaws like everybody else? I have flaws and I know that and I accept it, but you just seem to –'

Sirius kissed him.

He noticed that the kiss was rather nice – it was sort of soft, then harder, then softer again – before remembering that _Sirius was kissing him_, and that this was _not _the way things were supposed to pan out, however nice it might be. He stumbled backwards, arms flailing, and let out a muffled yell, partly because of the realisation that his best friend's mouth was inexplicably attached to his own, and partly because Sirius had sort of leaped on him, and was now standing on his right foot, and it hurt quite a bit.

He wrenched his head backwards and stared at Sirius in surprise tinged slightly with horror. Sirius stared straight back into his eyes, a little flushed and breathless, his chest (Remus suddenly noticed) very visible in his rather tight-fitting white shirt. It suited him rather well, actually.

Remus gaped at him in shock; Sirius blushed more deeply and suddenly couldn't quite meet his gaze.

Remus was first to break the silence.

'What the _hell _was that?' he demanded.

'Sorry, Moony,' Sirius mumbled. There was no childish whine in his voice now. He sounded somewhat abashed (as he should do, Remus thought angrily, still rather overwhelmed with shock at the recent events) and ever so slightly… upset?

'I – I just thought that… Never mind,' Sirius sighed, shaking his head. He turned away. How could he have been so stupid as to even allow himself to think that Remus actually felt that way about him? He'd never mentioned it, had he?

'But Sirius,' Remus frowned, unable to understand why what had just happened _had _happened, '_you're not gay._'

Sirius looked up, hurt reflected in his dark eyes.

'Is that what you think?'

Remus shrugged. 'Well… yeah.'

'What makes you think that?'

'What?'

'What makes you think I'm not gay?' Sirius repeated. Just for a moment, just for one second, he'd almost thought Remus had felt the same. He was sure he'd seen something in the way Remus looked at him, the way he spoke to him, those shy little smiles of his… He knew now he'd been stupid to think such things… the idea was laughable. Perhaps he had simply been so desperate for Remus to feel that way that he'd imagined it. He'd just thought that…

'Well.' Remus interrupted his thoughts with a nervous cough and an unsure start. 'What about all your girlfriends?'

'What?' said Sirius distractedly.

'You know,' Remus elaborated, 'all the girls you went out with at Hogwarts. Unless they were all guys drinking Polyjuice Potions, I'd say that makes you not gay.'

'And what about Dirk Cresswell in fourth year?' Sirius countered. Remus raised an eyebrow; he looked half-impressed.

'So you really _did _snog him in a broom cupboard, then?'

'Yes,' Sirius muttered, turning a little pink. 'I'd say that makes me at least bisexual.'

'I'd say that's experimenting, actually,' Remus said coolly. 'Lots of people experiment with their sexuality as adolescents.'

'_What?_' Sirius howled in outrage. Why was Remus trying to make him deny his feelings? Of course it would be excruciatingly awkward from now on, and Sirius knew it was all his fault, but they'd just have to get round that. He couldn't pretend he didn't have feelings for Remus – did Remus even _know _how hard that had been up to now?

'Fine,' he continued, putting a lid on his internally bubbling anger – though he wasn't sure how secure it was. 'Fine, maybe I _was _experimenting with Dirk Creswell. But what about you?'

Remus frowned. 'What about me?' he muttered.

Sirius looked straight at him, and he spoke clearly even though a pink tinge crept up his neck and into his cheeks.

'What about the way I kissed you just then? What about the way I want to hold your hand when we're walking alongside each other? What about the way you make me laugh, or the butterflies I get whenever you give me one of those little smiles? What about the way I wish you'd hold me close the way you hold Harry, like he's the most precious thing in the world? What about the way I wish you'd kiss me like you kiss _her_? Do you call that experimenting, Remus? 'Cause I bloody well don't.'

There was another long silence. Again, Remus broke it.

'I don't understand,' he said, shaking his head. 'Sirius… What's going on?'

Sirius closed his eyes again. He took a deep breath. How was he going to tell Remus? Should he just come out with it? He supposed he should – it was inevitably going to come out sooner or later, and it pretty much had already.

_Just say it, Sirius. Just tell him._

'I…' _Fuck. _'I think I love you, Moony,' he said softly.

Remus raised his eyebrows. 'Right. Well, I kind of hoped you did.'

Sirius's hopes leaped at Remus's words. He hardly dared believe what he'd just heard.

'Seriously?' he said hoarsely. Remus looked even more confused.

'Well, yeah,' he replied, eyebrows knotted. 'I mean, after nearly eleven years of friendship, you kind of grow to love someone, don't you…?' He still couldn't understand why Sirius had kissed him, but then he of all people ought to know that Sirius sometimes did weird, inexplicable things, the reason for which tended to come to light later. There was a possibility that this could simply be one of those things, right? He couldn't let himself get his hopes up, not yet at least.

Sirius had the sensation that the bottom had just dropped out from his stomach. He squeezed his eyes tight shut. Why did it have to be so complicated? Why couldn't it be simple? Why couldn't life be _simple _for once?

'No… You don't get it, Remus. I think I'm _in _love with you. I_ am _in love with you.'

A soft silence greeted this news as Remus struggled for something to say. He wasn't the most talented conversationalist in the world at the best of times, and when your best friend tells you they're in love with you and it isn't April Fool's Day, it really can be rather hard to find a reply.

He settled for: 'Don't be stupid.' As one might imagine, this wasn't greeted with enthusiasm. It wasn't really the kindest reply in the world, but it was the only one Remus could come up with. His brain was in a fog.

Sirius glared at him. 'I'm not the one being stupid.'

'Oh really? When have _I _ever confessed any romantic feelings for _you_, Sirius?' Remus argued.

Sirius bit back a retort. Of course Remus hadn't meant… obviously he'd just been trying to comfort Sirius because they'd both been so sad about Sirius having to leave. Obviously. Anyway, of course he'd just meant in a brotherly kind of way, or a best friend kind of way, like the love Sirius himself felt for James and Lily. Or a family kind of way, like he felt for Harry. That was clearly all he'd meant. He took a deep breath. Wow. Sirius, being Sirius and rather handsome even if he said it himself, wasn't used to rejection. He hadn't expected it to hurt this much.

'I just meant… It's okay, I get it. You don't feel the same. I get it,' he said softly. 'It's fine.'

He turned away, and made for the stairs, half-hoping Remus would call him back and confess his own feelings.

But Remus didn't say a word. He stood, frozen, still digesting Sirius's words – almost exactly the same words that he himself had been wishing, for ten years, he'd had the courage to say.

* * *

><p>At least he'd told the truth. That was his one (miniscule, he thought bitterly) comfort, his last saving grace, if you like. Maybe it <em>was <em>foolish to tell someone how you felt, to throw yourself into the path of danger with those three tiny words that could change everything. Maybe he _had _been an idiot to go around wearing his heart on his sleeve. But so what? At least now Remus knew how he felt. At least he wasn't living a lie anymore. At least now he could go back to feeling sad and dejected in peace, with the knowledge that he really did have reason to. At least he'd told the truth.

So what if Remus didn't feel the same way? _He _could live with that, so Remus could bloody well shove it where the sun didn't shine if he didn't like it. As long as he didn't start bringing _her _round, Sirius could live with the fact that she was, and possibly always would be, a part of Remus's life. Although, he supposed, it didn't really matter now that he wouldn't be there anymore. At least, it _shouldn't_ matter.

'Sirius?'

He didn't turn round. 'I get it,' he said softly to Remus's pillow. 'It's okay. You're with Wendy, I understand. I get it.' He was starting to repeat himself rather a lot these days. Perhaps he was going senile. This thought didn't concern him much – on the contrary, escaping into madness would be something of a relief at this moment in time.

'Sirius, I –'

'I get it, Remus. You don't feel the same. I get it, and I'm fine with it. At least, I will be. But if you could just leave me alone, that'd be great.'

'If you could just stop interrupting, that'd be great.' Remus retorted, exasperated. He took a deep breath and added, 'I never said I didn't feel the same.'

Sirius sat up rather suddenly. Remus remained on the edge of the bed, gripping it with his fingers, though he had a strong urge to get in it and hide his face under the covers. He could feel his cheeks heating up, and was sure they were already brighter than a Patronus and redder than the Gryffindor banner Sirius had pinned to the wall of his bedroom at Grimmauld Place when he was thirteen.

'What do you mean? You _don't_ feel the same, do you? What about Wendy?' Sirius gabbled, desperately trying to make sense of Remus's words. His brain seemed to be short-circuiting.

Remus sighed, wishing the world was a simpler place, or merely one in which he could find the right words to say.

'Wendy… I like Wendy,' he began. 'She'd okay and she can be quite sweet, and if you gave her a chance I think you'd like her but… if I'm honest, I don't know what I was thinking going out with her. I've never felt for her the way I feel about you. I'm sorry.'

'What for?'

'For being such a heartless bastard,' Remus muttered. 'I hate myself for it. I had six days to tell you I love you and what did I do? I went off with some dumb blonde I don't give a Doxy's wing about.'

'Wow, you _are _pretty heartless,' Sirius joked with a shaky laugh.

'I was trying to protect myself,' Remus explained. 'I was scared of how much it was going to hurt when you left, so I was trying to shield myself. But I just ended up making a mess of everything. And now we have no time left. I'm sorry.'

Sirius shook his head. 'Don't be. It's not your fault it had to be like this. It's nobody's fault.'

'It's still not fair.'

'You sound like me,' Sirius said with a half-hearted smile. Remus laughed.

'I could never sound like you, Padfoot. You are, as you like to say, unique.'

Sirius laid his head on Remus's shoulder. 'I love you, Moony.'

Butterflies fluttered in Remus's stomach at Sirius's words. 'I love you too, Padfoot,' he replied. 'I think I've loved you from being eleven. There's just something about you that fascinates me, something that just… gets me. I know it sounds really cheesy, but…'

Sirius lifted his head from his friend's and nodded. 'It's like you understand me like no one else does. You understand me better than I do, I think.'

Remus slowly reached out and cupped Sirius's chin with his fingertips. Sirius looked at him, fear and anticipation and something else, warm and pleasant, mingling somewhere between his chest and the pit of his stomach.

'I honestly do love you, Padfoot. And I mean it. I always did, you were just too blind to see it.'

Sirius grinned. 'I guess that's why I never made Seeker, eh Moony? That and the fact James threatened to hex me if I got on the team before he did.'

'I much preferred you being in the library with me while James was at Quidditch practice anyway,' Remus muttered, still staring into Sirius's eyes. He'd never really noticed their colour before. At first, they looked dark brown, but close up he could see that they were flecked with green, gold, black, carmine, even chips of darkest navy blue. He smiled and pulled Sirius into a kiss. Sirius's lips were soft; they tasted like apples and grass and summer, the sweet, indescribable flavour of summertime. Suddenly Remus felt desperate. There was more than simply warmth glowing in the pit of his stomach – there was a fire burning. He could taste Sirius's lips but suddenly that wasn't enough. He wanted more – _needed _more – he had to have all of Sirius.

Clearly Sirius was having the same thoughts, or perhaps he was simply a mind reader, because his tongue suddenly darted out and touched Remus's lips. Obligingly, Remus opened his mouth and all of a sudden their tongues were battling for control over each other, hands were sliding over Remus's shoulders and creeping under his shirt…

Sirius broke away, breathing heavily as though he'd just run a marathon. Remus leaned forward but Sirius put a hand over his eager mouth, suddenly decidedly more awkward than he had been mere minutes before.

'What?' came the muffled question.

'Remus…'

'Yes?'

Sirius cleared his throat, looking as though he would have liked the ground to swallow him up right now. He pressed his lips together before taking a deep breath and saying a profound: 'Er.'

'Sirius, what are you trying to say?' Remus sighed.

'I, um… Okay, you have to _promise _not to laugh at me.'

'What is it?'

'Promise!'

'Alright, I promise!'

'I'm… I'm a virgin, okay?'

'_What?'_

'You promised not to laugh!' Sirius protested as Remus rolled around, shaking the bed with his laughter.

'I'm sorry!' he gasped, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks as he tried and failed to assume something close to a straight face. 'I really am sorry!' he repeated as Sirius gave him one of his pouts. 'But that is the biggest piece of Thestral dung I have ever heard!'

'How is it?' Sirius said, glowering at him.

'Well, what about Mary McDonald?' Remus asked, regaining composure slightly.

'Who?'

'Mary McDonald! Your girlfriend of three weeks in fifth year?'

'Oh yeah,' Sirius said. 'What about her?'

Remus raised his eyebrows. 'You said she was the best sex you'd ever had!' he said accusatorily.

'Well I lied, okay? I lied so you would all think I was a manwhore, and it worked, didn't it? I got a reputation for being the randiest teenager Hogwarts has ever seen!'

Remus laughed. 'Nice one, Padfoot. I have to give it to you I suppose – you did a great job of fooling us all.'

'Well, I am a _menteur extraordinaire_,' Sirius grinned.

'A what?'

'An extraordinary fibber. What about you?'

'Sorry?'

'Well,' Sirius pressed. 'Are you or aren't you? Have you or haven't you?'

'Do you mean "Are you a virgin, dearest Moony?"?' Remus laughed.

'Indeed I do.'

'Yes, I am a virgin, Padfoot. As if anybody but you could have the arrogance to find a damaged werewolf attractive,' he sighed.

'You're not damaged,' Sirius murmured, suddenly solemn and unsmiling. 'Not to me.'

He kissed Remus urgently, and something exploded with the force of a bomb in Remus's stomach.

'Anyway,' Sirius continued, resurfacing for air, 'I'm glad. I didn't want to be the only inexperienced one. Plus,' he added with a roguish grin, 'that means you're all mine.'

Remus muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'Possessive,' but was promptly shut up due to having another mouth attached to his own. Sirius felt quite proud of himself for having discovered the best method of shutting him up, the added bonus of which was that they both quite enjoyed it.

Again, hands crept under Remus's shirt and he couldn't ignore the tingling sensation he felt at their touch. He was suddenly very hard, although that might also have been something to do with the fact that Sirius was now crawling up the bed and then on top of him.

'Mmm, god Sirius…'

'Do shut up, Moony,' Sirius mumbled in reply, kindly unbuttoning his shirt for him and letting it fall to the floor, pulling off his own T-shirt as he kissed Remus again, slipping his tongue inside the other's mouth.

Remus went to undo Sirius's jeans, their lips still touching, tongues still twining in a sizzling, passionate embrace. A small explosion took place in the pit of Sirius's stomach as Remus touched his erection, but he pulled away and leaned back, his own dark eyes fixed on Remus's light brown ones as they asked a silent question.

_Are you sure?_

Remus's comprehension skills, which usually left something to be desired to say the least, seemed to have improved greatly within the last five minutes. He nodded. 'I love you, Padfoot,' was all he said. That was enough for Sirius; he lunged at Remus again, planting hot, messy little kisses all over him, on his shoulder, his collarbone, up his neck, behind his ear, on his mouth, cheek, fluttering eyelids, anywhere he could reach. Each kiss burned an invisible, fiery mark where it was placed, where the feeling of Sirius's soft mouth and his rough, moist tongue lingered. Every touch sent tremors juddering down his spine until could last no longer – he had to have Sirius, had to have him now.

Sirius moaned softly into his mouth, and Remus smiled into the kiss. He leaned forward and Sirius slid underneath him, wrapping his arms around Remus's waist and unzipping his jeans (never before had the sound of a zip been _so _inviting…), while Remus writhed and moaned and sighed while his tongue twined with Sirius's…

Sirius pulled Remus's jeans off with apparent ease, then quickly (and rather expertly, Remus thought, for someone who had never done this before – he supposed it was simply among the spectrum of weird, yet wish-you-could-do-that-too, talents unique to the Black family) undid his own, revealing a pair of dark blue, bulrush-patterned boxer shorts. Remus couldn't help but laugh.

'What?' asked Sirius, looking puzzled but half-amused himself.

'Your pants!' Remus spluttered. 'I didn't know you supported Puddlemere United!'

Sirius grinned. 'Does it turn you on, Moony?' he asked as he tore them off rather violently, and Remus inhaled rather sharply.

Without waiting for a reply, he kissed Remus again, slowly and passionately, taking in the warm, woody, cinnamon taste of his lips and tongue, the soft rush of his breath as he sighed against him… Remus was acutely aware of the fact that there was only one (very thin) layer of clothing between them…

And then none at all.

Remus writhed and wriggled, arched his back and moaned as he felt Sirius's hard-on (_Sirius! _Getting a hard-on over him! _Him!_) pressing against his thigh.

'Ahh,_ fuck_, Sirius…'

'Well, that was kind of the idea…' Sirius grinned again.

'You're sure you still want to do this?'

_Please say yes. Oh god, please say yes. Please don't say you're not ready. Please._

'Moony, I've been waiting for this moment since I was about twelve,' Sirius muttered. Remus laughed breathlessly. Sirius kissed him again, then slid neatly out from underneath him, leaving Remus face down on the bed, panting heavily.

Sirius straddled him, and then he felt cool hands on his back, tracing the length of his spine slowly and gently, fingers running along old scars, souvenirs of his life before the days of Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

'Nnngh,' he said. Sirius kissed him on the back on his neck, questioning tongue delicately tracing the soft skin, fingers tenderly combing his now thoroughly shaggy, mussed-up hair. He moaned and arched his back, and then Sirius was pushing inside, slowly and gently, and then he was all the way in, and the pain of being taken for the first time was fading fast, and being replaced with an ecstasy that was incomparable to anything he'd ever felt or experienced before.

'Ohhhhhh…'

'I'm not – not hurting you, am I?'

Remus heard the frown in Sirius's voice, but rather than reply was only able to marvel at his ability to be so eloquent at this present moment. It was as much as Remus could do to keep thinking, let alone hold an intelligent and decipherable conversation.

'Nnnn… No, you're – oh, _god_, Sirius, that's so – mmmf, _fuck_…'

Evidently, the last few moments had seen Sirius's conversational skills go out of the window as well, as the next few exchanges between the two of them were a string of moans and 'oh _fuck_'s as they arched and ground their hips, each lost and so wrapped up in the other.

Remus moaned and gasped as he came ever closer to his climax, Sirius moving faster and harder inside him and letting out little whimpers that he would never have thought would come from a member of the most ancient and noble Black family (it just went to show, who knew?).

Sirius let out a cry of ecstasy and came at almost exactly the same time as Remus. They both lay still, panting, for a while, until Sirius extracted himself from Remus and rolled over, still breathing heavily. Remus remained face down and still for a few moments; Sirius looked over in some concern.

'Are you okay?' he asked.

'_Fuck. Me_,' came the muffled reply.

'I just did,' Sirius laughed, somewhat relieved, as Remus rolled over and grinned shyly.

'Now that _was_ the best I've ever had.' Sirius sighed contentedly. Remus frowned.

'I thought you were a virgin?'

Sirius shrugged. 'I am. Well I _was_. Still the best I've ever had,' he grinned, rolling over, wrapping his arm around Remus's waist and burying his face in Remus's neck, inhaling the comforting cinnamon-and-toast aroma of his skin.

'Mmmm…'

Remus closed his eyes and conceded that, just maybe, his wasn't _completely _fucked up after all. For instance, lying here with Padfoot draped across him definitely counted as an improvement (although admittedly he wasn't sure why Sirius was _sniffing _him). Life might actually be looking up for once.

'I love you, Moony,' Sirius murmured, laying his head on Remus's chest. Remus could feel his voice vibrating through his own ribcage, and the sensation coupled with the words themselves sent his stomach into funny little back-flips. It was rather nice, he thought happily.

'I love you too, Padfoot,' he sighed. 'I always have.'

'Do you… Do you reckon Lily and James knew? That we fancied each other all along and never had the guts to admit it to each other?'

Remus was silent for a while, deep in thought. Then he smiled. The smile had a hint an air of reminiscence about it, and just a hint of sadness. It made him look all the more beautiful.

'Yeah,' he said thoughtfully. 'Probably. James was probably going mad with frustration. I reckon Lily knew we'd figure it out at some point, though.'

They both laughed, and Sirius planted tender little kisses all over Remus's faintly scarred upper body, while Remus stroked the dark, shiny (and somewhat dishevelled) locks that fell so gracefully around Sirius's shoulders.

'Mmm,' Sirius breathed again, inhaling the scent of Remus again, determined to commit it to memory for ever. Remus tilted his head forwards and caught Sirius's lips in a tender kiss. Sirius sighed and leaned into him, stroking the messy, tawny hair out of the beautiful, almost melancholy brown eyes. He studied the pale angular face, the long, straight nose, almond-shaped eyes with long, spidery lashes, completely wasted on any male, soft, shell-pink lips – sharp, pointed peaks of the top lip, soft, contrasting curve of the bottom. He studied all these features hungrily, drinking them in as though he had never seen them before, before closing his eyes, laying his head on the pale, skinny chest and falling asleep.

_**How many times can a man say, 'I love you' before the reader gets bored? (My dad's a big Bob Dylan fan, and I often make obscure references to things in my life.) Oh well, that's the slash-y bit over and done with (thank god). I don't think I'll ever be writing any more again, but hey. Ya never know.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Well, its 9:30 pm GMT and the world hasn't ended yet, so I decided I might as well post chapter eight today, just to keep everyone entertained during the five months of Hell on Earth. ;)**_

_**More strong language (what has got into me? Teenage, I suppose) but in my defence it is because of emotional frustration, anguish, etc. etc. and the Sirius in my head swears a lot anyway. He's not joking, he's Sirius (ha ha). Please review, even if it's only to tell me what you had for lunch today. I'm very interested, honestly.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Eight

'Mmmm…'

Sirius woke, more content that he'd felt in a long time – more content, maybe, than ever before. He didn't open his eyes though he could detect sunlight through his closed lids, and he could hear birdsong as the minutes passed, and still he kept his eyes shut. He felt like a cliché from a storybook, but he didn't care – he was _happy_.

A warm body and a soft moan of pleasure from beside him indicated that Remus was still there. He sighed happily and snuggled into his arms, burrowing under the duvet and nestling into Remus's warm embrace.

This was, without a doubt, _the _best way to wake up, _ever_.

'Time is it?' Remus enquired sleepily.

'Who cares?' Sirius replied. They both chuckled, both noticing that the way their bodies were pressed together made the vibrations feel _really good_.

Remus pulled Sirius into another slow, passionate kiss, their tongues twining together. It was just promising to get interesting when a high-pitched wail pierced the morning air.

'Oh, shit,' Sirius mumbled against Remus's lips. He broke away, adding, 'I'll see to him, he's probably hungry,' as he rolled over and pulled on his Puddlemere United boxer shorts from the previous night. Remus helped himself to a grin.

Sirius started towards the door, but suddenly froze, clutching the handle as though for dear life.

'Shit.'

'Padfoot? What's wrong?'

'Oh, _fucking hell_!' Sirius moaned, sagging against the door. 'Why the _fuck_ did this have to happen?'

'What are you –?'

Remus broke off as Sirius spun around, a wild, demented look in his eyes.

'Fucking _hell_, Remus, how could I forget?'

'Forget what?' Remus said. 'Sirius, you're not making sense.'

'Today! Today's the twelfth, Moony! How could I forget?' Sirius repeated, throwing himself down onto the bed with his head in his hands.

'The twelfth –? Oh. _Shit_.'

'Why did it have to be like this?' Sirius cried in despair. 'Why is my life so fucking shit all the time?'

'Sirius –' Remus began, cautiously stretching out a hand to place comfortingly on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius turned at his touch, throwing him a heartbreakingly desperate, pleading look, his eyes glazed with tears of frustration and anguish.

'I can't go back, Moony, I can't! I haven't seen my mother for five fucking _years_, how can I just go back and pretend everything's fine? Dumbledore's _mad_, how can I _do _that?' His voice broke. 'How can I go without you?'

There was a silence. Sirius sat, bent over, on the edge of the bed, pale back exposed, spine visible and shaking with silent sobs. Remus, still half-buried under the blankets, looked on, fruitlessly searching for something, some comforting words, to say, trying not to break down as Sirius had. But how could he not? How could he pretend everything was normal and fine when it was slowly dawning on him that he was not going to see Sirius for a long time, perhaps indefinitely? How could he smile, plaster on that old, tired brave face of his that he had worn so many times before when all he wanted to do was curl up and cry? How could he comfort Sirius when he couldn't even comfort himself? He felt feeble, pathetic, and all the while Harry's thin, wailing cry pressed down on his ears, reminding him that, in taking care of his best friend's son, he was also useless and ineffectual.

'I can't go back.' Sirius's voice was muffled, but not muffled enough to disguise the heart wrenching misery in his tone. Remus wanted desperately to comfort him, but he couldn't find the right thing to say. Wordlessly, he got up and made his way to Harry's room. Suddenly, a hungry infant seemed to much easier to calm than a best friend.

* * *

><p>'Don't forget me, will you?'<p>

'As if I would.'

Sirius sighed and looked at the shiny black motorbike that, in the dusky twilight, seemed too big for the tiny house. 'I'd better go, then,' he said reluctantly. Picking up a trunk full of clothes, toys and books belonging to Harry, he checked the baby carrier to make sure it was completely secure, then bewitched all the luggage so that it would follow them on their journey.

''Bye, Harry.' Remus planted a kiss on the top of the sleeping baby's head, lifting up the untidy black hair (so like James's) and taking one last look at the mysterious scar. 'Maybe you should ask Dumbledore about that,' he told Sirius, indicating the scar.

'One of us should,' Sirius agreed. 'I'll do it if you like. It doesn't hurt him, does it?'

'It doesn't seem to; he seemed fine the first time we found it, remember?' Remus said.

'Yeah…' said Sirius. He seemed to be struggling with something.

'Are you okay?' Remus asked, before mentally cursing himself. Of course he wasn't okay; neither of them was, what was he doing asking such a ridiculous question?

'Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,' Sirius replied even more stupidly. There was a pause, then Sirius said, in a rush, 'Please don't leave me, Moony.'

Remus stared at him. 'What… What are you talking about?' His brain seemed to be having trouble processing Sirius's words.

'Please don't go!' Sirius whined. 'Please.'

'But… Sirius, you're the one that's leaving, I don't…' Remus trailed off. He didn't understand. Why was he saying this? Why now? They were just about parted, he was almost letting himself think that he might get through this without breaking down until after Sirius had gone, and now Sirius had chosen to beg him to be the weak one. He might as well have fallen to his knees and grovelled at Remus's feet. Remus doubted it could have made things any worse.

How was he supposed to say no now? How on earth was he meant to point out that they were better of this way, that Harry and Sirius would be safer without him? How could he stand there and parrot everything Dumbledore had said the previous week? How could he do anything but throw caution to the winds and let Sirius stay? After everything that had happened? After the previous night? How was he supposed to be so cruel and heartless as to turn Sirius away now? How could he do the sensible thing when he had only ever wanted to spend every waking moment with the man standing before him – when he was only human?

And yet he had to. Life was such a bitch sometimes.

'I don't care, I don't know what I'm saying, I don't want to go!' Sirius wailed.

'Sirius… Please don't make this any harder for either of us. _I _don't want you to go, but you have to. I mean, I'm dangerous, Sirius, you _know _that. I don't want to hurt you. I become a fully-fledged monster once a month and I know you were able to keep me in check at Hogwarts but… you have a _kid_, Sirius. You can't just drop everything and run off without a care in the world. You're not the focus of your world anymore. Harry is. And he ought to mean more to you than I do.'

Sirius looked at him. There was hurt and frustration in his eyes, but there was also understanding. He knew, though he didn't want to, that he had a responsibility now, a responsibility that was far more important than his own happiness. Though it hurt like hell to give Remus up, at least he knew it was for something so precious and sacred that it far outweighed any other virtue or prize. At least it was for the last remaining trace of Lily and James Potter.

Even so, he'd better have done something really, _really _bad in a previous life to deserve this.

'Right,' he said after a while. 'Right, well, I'd better be off then.'

And just like that, everything was awkwardly formal. Sirius refused to look Remus in the eye in case he broke down again, and Remus didn't know where to put himself. He didn't trust himself to say anything and he didn't have a clue where to find the words anyway. They certainly weren't anywhere near the tip of his tongue, that was for certain.

Sirius stood by the bike for just a second too long, as though waiting for Remus to change his mind and beg him not to go. When Remus didn't say anything, Sirius climbed astride the bike and turned the key. The engine came to life with a loud roar, and Harry woke up, startled, and began to cry.

'Oh, bugger,' Sirius muttered, annoyed. As if he needed another opportunity to fall to his knees and beg like an idiot. As if he wasn't hurting enough. As if he could stand to stay here any longer knowing that he was only trying futilely to put off their final parting.

Before he could do anything Remus reached across him and scooped Harry out of the baby carrier, cradling him in his arms. 'Shh,' he murmured, rocking Harry gently and holding him close. Sirius scowled and crossed his arms, but fortunately didn't protest, and Remus soon succeeded in rocking Harry back to sleep. He replaced him in the baby carrier, then forced himself to look at Sirius.

'I'm really going to miss you, you know. Like crazy,' he said quietly. 'I wish I'd told you before, I wish we could have had more time together… We could've been a proper couple.' Sirius looked surprised. _Oh bloody hell_, Remus thought, cursing himself for saying something so foolish. _He wasn't expecting me to say that. Bugger. Well done Moony. You've successfully put your foot in it yet again._

'I'll miss you too,' Sirius half-whispered. 'I just thought… I thought you'd want to forget about…'

'About last night?' Remus asked, raising his eyebrows. 'I'm never going to forget _that_, Sirius, trust me.'

For a second, Sirius almost smiled, but the fleeting action was gone before Remus could be sure it had even happened.

'Well,' he said, 'thanks, I suppose. For – you know – everything.'

Remus nodded silently.

'And – you know I'll always love you, right?'

'And I'll always love you. Just – take care, okay? Of yourself and Harry.'

Sirius nodded and reached out an arm. With the back of his hand he stroked the other man's cheek gently. His fingers caught on an old, faded scar that ran along Remus's jaw line and he hesitated for a moment before withdrawing his hand and putting it back on the bike's handlebar. Remus stepped back, tracing the path Sirius's fingers had made along the side of his face.

Sirius revved the engine and drove forward, and soon the bike was airborne. Remus, watching from the ground, was reminded a little of the night he and Sirius had first taken Harry to live with them, and suddenly felt his eyes sting as hot tears blurred his vision and spilled onto his cheeks. Who was Dumbledore trying to kid? How was he supposed to be able to carry on without Sirius, so shortly after Lily and James had been taken from their lives, now that it was suddenly dawning on him that he'd lost everything that mattered to him?

An owl hooted somewhere in the rapidly darkening evening, signalling the beginning of the night – the start of his transformation. He turned on his heel and strode inside, hastily bolting all the doors and locking the windows, making sure he closed every pair of curtains and cast a silencing charm over the house – it was more than his life's worth to be caught. This was his usual monthly routine, but tonight it seemed strange. It wasn't like he'd transformed in front of Sirius for three years, but he still felt like something was missing.

The owl hooted again as night closed in on the house and the wolf huddled within.


	9. Chapter 9

_**This is going somewhere, I promise. There'll be a plot somewhere within this thing… It may take a while though.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_**Nor do I own the lyrics to **_**Waterloo Sunset**_**, they belong to Ray Davies/The Kinks.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Nine

_27__th__ November 1981_

_Dear Moony – _

_I'm sorry I didn't write sooner, it's been pretty hectic this past fortnight. My mother and Kreacher are driving me insane – when I arrived on the doorstep Kreacher pretended not to know who I was and told me my mother wasn't interested in purchasing anything; within five minutes he was muttering about blood traitors and running away and 'breaking my poor mistress's heart', which is complete and utter Thestral dung if I ever heard it – my mother doesn't have a bloody heart to break._

_Fortunately Dumbledore arrived soon enough to put the Fidelius Charm on the house and he explained everything – not that it helped much, my mother still refused to look at me for several hours and keeps wailing things like, 'Never really a part of the noble family!' and 'Traitor!' and 'Oh, my poor, poor Regulus!'_

_She really has a knack for boosting your confidence, my mother._

_No, really._

_To be honest, I don't really think she's been in her right mind since Regulus died. It's still depressing to be back here, though. I'm drowning, Moony! I'm trapped in this horrible, stuffy, rubbish-y house and there's nothing I can do about it. I really miss you, Moony. Harry started doing that really cute baby-cooing thing yesterday and all I could think was, 'I wish Remus was here to see that.'_

_I really wish you were here. I'm still so mad at Dumbledore, how the hell are we supposed to just carry on like normal? I can't lose you, Moony. I can't lose you like we lost Lily and James. I found that photo of the four of us Marauders, the one that was taken at the party after we won the Quidditch Cup in fifth year, in my bedroom the other day. It was the only one my parents didn't manage to destroy. It reminded me of old times, and I'd give anything to be back at Hogwarts again. It made me kind of wistful, but it also lifted my spirits a little bit, despite the fact that Peter's on there. I'd send it to you, but I can't get it off the wall because I stuck it on with a Permanent Sticking Charm ages ago. My bedroom's the only halfway decent room in the house and even that depresses me because it reminds me of how happy I used to be. Isn't that stupid? I have one photograph and a Gryffindor banner and they depress me because I _used _to be happy. I know if you were here, Moony, you'd brighten the place up. I know that sounds horribly sickly and sentimental but I genuinely think you might even lift my mother's spirits, even though it is hardly a mean feat. I know you used to say _I _was in-cesspit-ly cheerful all the time or whatever, but I think I left my sense of humour behind when I came to live here. It doesn't take much to depress a person here, trust me._

_Anyway, must run, Harry's wailing. Again. I don't think he likes it here anymore than I do._

_Padfoot_

_P.S. I had to Transfigure two very precious family-heirloom, been-in-the-family-for-millenniums tables of hers because I forgot Harry's cot and changing table, so my mother hates me._

_No change there then._

_P.P.S. Oh, and you couldn't be a dear and fill me in on the important news of the wizarding world, could you? My mother doesn't buy the _Daily Prophet _anymore. I don't know why, I only know that she doesn't do much these days except insult me._

* * *

><p><em>30<em>_th__ November 1981_

_Padfoot –_

_How are you and Harry? It's pretty lonely here without you both, my house seems a lot bigger these days (I suppose it saves me putting an extension charm on it) and my transformation this month was weirdly lonely. I don't think I've ever felt lonely at the full moon – painful, perhaps and frustrated (I bolt all the doors and windows when I'm about to transform so I don't end up hurting anyone, so I tend to wreck my living room as I can't bite or scratch people) – but never lonely. It's been a really weird fortnight, and it sounds like it has been for you too. _

_I deeply sympathise – the one time I met your mother she wasn't very nice to me, was she? I admire your stunt with the tables, but it might be an idea to tread carefully if you want to keep your ears – she tried to hex mine off, remember?_

_You say you're not getting the _Prophet_? Well, to say the least, they're not big fans of you at the Ministry. I don't want to alarm you, but you probably shouldn't leave the house for a while – Wormtail's 'Missing, Presumed Dead', and apparently you're to blame for his murder. He's been missing since Tuesday and they've sent out a huge search party for him but no one's seen a dickey bird. Dumbledore and I have been to the Ministry, of course, but they're refusing to believe that Wormtail could be an unregistered Animagus; the Auror office think we're crazy and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement won't even see us on account of my being a werewolf – they seem to think that my 'affliction' causes me to be a pathological liar. _

_I'm so sorry, Padfoot. I wish there was some way we could work this out – it's so messed up and complicated and I feel so guilty about everything. _

_Anyway, there isn't much to tell, so I'll leave you to go and feed Harry or insult Kreacher or whatever it is you do these days. _

_All my love_

_Moony_

* * *

><p><em>Anyway, there isn't much to tell…<em>

He was such a liar.

'You coming?' Wendy asked, sticking her head around the living room door.

'Yep, just let me finish this letter,' Remus murmured.

Wendy sighed. She'd been waiting for five minutes for him to finish this blasted letter. Who on earth was _that _important that they couldn't wait a couple of hours? It wasn't like there was any midnight postal service in the village, anyway. 'Shall I just go on this date on my own, then?'

Remus looked up sharply, then winced and massaged his neck. He had a slightly stunned expression, one that reminded her of her ex-boyfriend's when she'd once drunkenly slapped him after a row.

'What?' Remus frowned. Then he laughed. 'Who said it was a date?'

Wendy scowled. 'I thought that was the whole _point_. I thought that was why we planned a whole evening together. I thought that was why I spent an hour getting ready.'

Remus's face fell. 'Oh,' he said, turning an interesting shade of pink. He cleared his throat, and said, rather sheepishly, 'I kind of just meant… you know. As friends.'

'_Friends_?' The one word was spoken with acid-laced vehemence, causing Remus to shrink back into his chair, biting his lip and looking rather frightened.

'Erm… Sorry?' he offered. Wendy rolled her eyes and threw herself down on the shabby couch.

'I suppose this has something to do with your _boyfriend_?'

Remus blanched. 'What?'

'You know,' Wendy said, as if explaining something to a child, 'the one I saw you at the hospital with. The guy with the kid. Where is he, anyway?'

'Oh, no no, he's not my boyf –' Remus stopped. _Was _he? _Were _they an item? No… That was impossible, they couldn't be. They _ought_ to be, they _should_ have been, but they weren't because fate had a habit of making an entrance at exactly the wrong moment.

Wendy stared at him in mild surprise, then a second later seemed to decided that she wasn't angry any more, as she grinned and shook her head.

'Of course he's your boyfriend, Remus, or at least he was until you two split up. Why else would he be living in your house with his kid?'

'No, Harry's not his kid. You see, our friends…' He sighed, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. 'Our friends were – were killed, and Sirius was appointed his guardian if anything should happen to Lily and James. But Sirius didn't want to take Harry on, he thought he'd be a terrible parent but I persuaded him that we could do it together, so we did. But, er… His – Sirius, his mother… his mother's, um, ill, so he had to go back and live with her and take Harry with him. He's not my boyfriend. He was never my boyfriend,' he finished dejectedly, suddenly very interested in his knees.

Wendy considered him for a moment. 'Oh yeah?' she said.

'Yeah.'

'Then why are you so depressed?'

Remus looked up from his knees. 'What?'

Wendy smiled sympathetically. 'Isn't that why you called me? You're feeling rejected and _de_jected and you needed someone to rebound on. You never really fancied me.'

'No, I don't want to hurt your feelings –' Remus began, but Wendy cut him off.

'It's okay. It happens to the best of us,' she said kindly. 'I kind of had a hunch you were gay anyway,' she continued. 'I don't know why I agreed to go out with you anyway, you were so clearly into your "friend". I always seem to fall for the wrong guys. Typical.' She sighed a little sadly. Remus couldn't help feeling sympathetic.

'The right man will come for you. Prince Charming's just around the corner,' he said softly.

Wendy laughed. 'Call me in twenty years and you'll find me living alone with twenty cats. Anyway, weren't we talking about _your _Prince Charming?' she said pointedly.

'Oh yeah.' Remus frowned. 'Well, the thing is… I don't think anything else is going to happen between us now. I think it's over for good.' He'd come to accept this fact but in his head but it didn't sound any better out loud. In fact, it sounded worse. He sounded older and more tired than he'd ever done. He sounded forty years older – sixty-one instead of twenty-one.

Wendy's eyes widened. 'Anything _else?_' she cried, her voice a borderline-squeal. 'What do you mean? What did you _do?_'

Oh. This wasn't exactly the way the conversation was supposed to go, Remus contemplated, reflecting that he should have expected this, as his life never seemed to go right anyway. 'Nothing?' he tried. As expected, Wendy did not believe him.

'What did you do?' she repeated, far more excited by the prospect of whatever it was than she should be. He eyes were shining like orbs and she had the suggestion of a grin on her face, a look he had often seen Sirius wear in their schooldays when he had sensed that James was about to curse Severus Snape.

'It's um… nothing, we just… It really isn't –'

'You had SEX didn't you!' Wendy squealed, springing up from the sofa. 'Ohmygod you had sex! Ohmygod what was it like? Was he good? Was he your first? Come on, spill!'

Remus gaped at her in shock, stunned by this sudden bombardment of questions (not to mention the nature of them) and for a few seconds he could only stare at her with a frozen expression of shock and surprise, as though he'd had a Body Bind Curse placed on him. She jumped up off the couch and rushed through the doorway with the cry, 'I'm going to the loo! Tell me when I've come back!' then rushed back again with the command, 'And break the wine out, we're staying here!' Neither of these exclamations did Remus comprehend; he could only sit there with his mouth hanging open gormlessly. His brain seemed to have crashed; all it seemed to be able to do was remind him that he was poor, jobless and only had about fifty pounds left in his bank account, the result of which was that the only things he had in his fridge were an endless supply of milk (cow- and formula) and a lumpy, grey, gruel-like substance Sirius had left in there which he wasn't really inclined to touch, and had not drunk wine in approximately two years.

After about a minute, he slowly extended his right leg and, upon finding that he could indeed move, proceeded across the floor to the living room door, unsure of his precise aim but aware that he was supposed to be doing something. As he reached the doorway, however, he was greeted by Wendy, who had come back downstairs and who was holding a rather heavy book in her hand. His brain (rather sluggishly) told him that he ought to hope she wasn't going to throw it at him for whatever reason, but was still trying to understand why she was so excited by the prospect of him and Sirius having sex.

'What's this?' she asked, brow knitted in confusion. Remus realised to his horror that it was a Defence textbook, clearly discovered along with the rest of his extraordinarily large collection he had somehow or other come to build up.

'Ummm… It's nothing. It's just, erm…'

'_Defence Against the Dark Arts: OWL level study textbook_,' Wendy read out, raising her eyebrows at Remus.

'Erm… Hmm. Yeah, I erm… I just er… Something I'm, um, working on…'

'Remus?' she said levelly.

'_Shit _– erm, I mean yes?'

'Are you _weird_?' Wendy asked as she burst out laughing. 'I've never seen one of these before in my life! You're a freak!' She shook her head. 'I knew there must have been a reason I was attracted to you!'

* * *

><p>'Do you miss him?' Wendy asked a few hours later as they sat on the couch, wrapped in blankets and sipping coffee from chipped china mugs, watching the slowly dying fire in the grate.<p>

'Yeah. Loads,' Remus murmured. The dancing flames cast sinister, spiked shadows on the walls, shapes that reminded him of dark nights and tiny houses and one long, painful, primal howl…

'I know what it's like.'

He looked at Wendy, and narrowed his eyes. She couldn't be older than twenty-one, like him, but her expression had suddenly become sorrowful and world-weary. She looked to him as he felt he must have looked a few hours ago when he'd talked of never having any kind of relationship with Sirius in future – tired and disheartened, as though she'd seen everything there was to see and it had made her older than her years. He frowned and asked, 'Who?'

'Hmm?' she said absently, tearing her gaze from the still flickering fire to his face.

'Who was he?'

Wendy sighed. She didn't want to revisit the past, she wanted to escape it – wasn't that the exact reason for coming here? She'd left a promisingly budding career as a lawyer, a home and a family who loved her and for what? A man whom she couldn't even bear to look in the face anymore. Unbidden, unwanted tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought to keep from breaking down and sobbing. She didn't _want _to tell the story, she hadn't ever told it, not to anyone, not to her mother, nor her father, her sister or brother, nor any of her best friends.

And now Remus was looking at her like he was frightened and regretful, like he knew he'd put his foot in it, and something in his expression compelled her to let the words come tumbling out; half the time they bypassed her brain and rushed out of their own accord, desperate and pleading to be heard. He sat and listened the whole time, and didn't but in, didn't say a word to the shaky sobs, didn't tell her to speak up whenever her words trailed off and her voice lowered. He sat and listened and held her, suddenly the closest – perhaps the first _real_ –friend she'd ever had.

'When I was sixteen I – I fell in love with this guy. H-he was… _different_, you know? He wasn't like all the other men I knew; he was so kind and compassionate and he s-spoke to me like – like I was a _person_, you know? Not like I was just a stupid little schoolgirl, even though that's exactly what I was. We talked about all sorts – he was a lawyer just like I wanted to be and I told him all about my A levels and how I was going to go to law school – he told me it was pretty hard and I'd have to work at it but I told him that was no problem, I didn't care a-and I just wanted it _so _much.

'It wasn't that I'd make a brilliant lawyer, but it was just like… Just like I needed to get out of that little village really badly and I knew law school was one way to do that. Don't get me wrong – I really wanted to be a lawyer, it's just that the thought of getting out of that oppressive little community was an added bonus for me.

'Anyway, Jack and I, we got really friendly. We just… just _clicked_, you know? It just felt so… so right.' She shook her head. 'I was so _stupid_. He was fourteen bloody years older than me but I just fell so hopelessly in love with him – there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't bear the thought of him having a wife and kids, so I never asked. We just talked and laughed and chatted and got along perfectly well, and then one day… One evening he – he invited me back to his house and we… I told my parents I was going to a friend's house but I went to his instead, and he'd cooked a really romantic dinner. It was just like a proper date. There was wine and everything. And then, afterwards… I'd never drunk before, you see, my dad was a bit of a prude and it went to my head a bit… Afterwards, we had a bit too much to drink a-and we… He…'

More hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she curled up and brought her knees up to her chest.

'I f-found out I was pregnant about a month later… I was so _scared_, Remus, I didn't know what to do. I tried to block it out, pretend it wasn't happening but that didn't work, so I told my best friend and she told another girl, and pretty soon… T-the whole _school_ knew, Remus! I was thrown out and then my parents f-found out… My mum said we should put the baby up for adoption. I told her I didn't want to but she didn't listen – nobody ever listens to me! I had no choice, I had to do what they t-told me and… and then…

'And then _he_ left. He just took off one day and I didn't know where he'd gone. I tried to get in contact with him but I didn't ever find him.

'After I had the baby the c-couple my mum had chosen t-took it away… I went back to school but I was so depressed I just couldn't catch up with the work. The school had a new Headmaster and he took pity on me, I don't know why. He said I should repeat the year, that just because I'd made a mistake and been taken advantage of there was no reason I shouldn't have the same opportunities as everyone else. So I was kept behind a year and then I went to college and then law school… It was as if the whole thing with Jack had never happened.

'Just as I was getting back on my feet, he came back. I was twenty, just getting started with a good career, and then h-he showed up. I'd moved to London, had just got a new flat and a good job and I saw him in a café one day. It… it was so weird, I thought I was dreaming at first, but then he came over and started talking to me and I – I don't know what happened, I just told him everything! He was horrified that I'd had the baby adopted, though he had no right to be. He couldn't even look me in the eye anymore. He asked me what kind of mother would do that to her child. I didn't say anything back, I couldn't, I just burst into tears and ran back to my flat. I rang my workplace and told my boss's secretary to tell him that I was handing in my notice and wouldn't be in tomorrow, packed up all my stuff and left and came here. I knew I shouldn't want to see him ever again, but somehow I just… I couldn't stop thinking about him. It's been a year and I still can't.'

'Have you told him where you are?' Remus asked tentatively. Wendy, though still wiping tears from her face, managed a perfectly disdainful expression directed straight at him.

'I may be crazy and naïve, but I'm not _that _crazy,' she told him. 'I don't want to end up in that kind of mess again. It's too much, I don't think I could handle seeing him again. I doubt he'd take it too well, either.'

'What about your baby?'

'M-my _son?_' Wendy sniffed. 'N-no way, I can't bring him into this, it's not fair. He deserves better parents than me and he's got them.'

Remus frowned. 'I bet you'd make a brilliant mother!' he protested.

Wendy shrugged. 'Maybe _now_,' she conceded. 'Not back then, I was just a kid myself. I didn't want to put my child through that. Like I said, he deserves better. He's done nothing wrong.'

Remus put his arm around her affectionately. 'I'm sure he'd love to meet you someday,' he said, wiping a streak of mascara from Wendy's cheek. She shook her head.

'He wouldn't. _I _wouldn't. I don't want him to see what a mess I've made of my life. I don't want him to think I'm a failure – though I suppose that's probably what he thinks already.'

'You're not a failure!' Remus cried. 'You're a great person and a brilliant friend!'

'I'm a _receptionist_,' Wendy muttered.

'So? What's wrong with that? Someone has to be. Without you, the whole hospital would be in chaos!'

She laughed. Remus smiled, pleased at being able to cheer her up.

'_And _you've made a wonderful new friend!' he added. Wendy tried to smile.

'You're not _that _wonderful, Remus, don't get too bigheaded,' she joked. Remus grinned.

'That's not what Sirius told me.'

'EURGH!' she cried, giggling in spite of herself. 'You are _disgusting_!'

'You're the one who wanted to know all the gory details!' Remus argued, also laughing.

Wendy giggled again as Remus hugged her like an old friend, feeling that her life maybe wasn't a _complete _failure. She'd found someone kind and caring and sympathetic – she'd found a friend, something she hadn't had for a while now, five years at the very least. In a weird, primal kind of way, she felt as though she'd found a kind of family outside that which she was linked with by blood. What was the saying again? _Friends are the family you choose yourself_. She'd never believed that saying, not until this moment, but she had to admit that the words meant something to her now.

Family.

'I bet his adoptive parents told him all sorts of stories about how great you are,' Remus murmured. 'About how you couldn't look after him because you had to go to sea and sail away on a pirate ship, or how you're out in deep space discovering new worlds every day…'

'I hope so,' Wendy smiled. 'The Woods seemed like nice people, anyway.'

'The what?'

'Bob and Susan Wood,' she explained. 'Ollie's adoptive parents. I called him Oliver because it was Jack's favourite name. He used to say that if he ever had a son he'd call him Oliver. I don't know if he meant he didn't have any kids or that he had a daughter – I never found out. I still loved him, even though he'd gone and left me in such a mess… So I called his son Oliver. I don't know what happened to Ollie. I think he lives in Scotland now.'

_**Oooooooh, revelation! Just so nobody gets confused, Wendy **_**is **_**my own character and I don't think Oliver Wood was Muggleborn OR adopted, but welcome to the world of fanfiction, where I can do what I like with these characters and (hopefully) nobody will persecute me for it. :) **_

_**Please review, just 'cause you love me. ;)**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hey guys, I've tweaked this chapter very slightly and updated it - you probably won't notice (it's literally a sentence) but if you re-read it then further chapters might make a bit more sense. I'll leave it entirely up to you. :)**_

_**Anyone up for more slash? People seem to like reading it (okay, slash is seriously good to **_**read**_**), so even though it's seriously embarrassing to write, if mine is good enough for you, you can convince me to write some more I guess. I'm writing purely for the entertainment of the reader (i.e. you, yes, YOU) because I have no life and nothing else to live for (except re-watching **_**Starship**_**), so in the words of our beloved Brian Holden: 'You decide! And lemme know.' If you're sat there going, 'Brian who?' then you clearly haven't lived – YouTube A Very Potter Musical. Then watch the Sequel. **_

_**So, yeah. If you want more slash, review and let me know. You'll get more slash after a while (if you want it) and I'll get more reviews – everyone's a winner! :)**_

_**Except poor Wendy. But hey, you never know. She might get a happy ending. I'm still undecided. And I'm digressing again.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Ten

'_Sirius!'_

'_What? I was only _suggesting _it!'_

'_We can't do that, Sirius! Apart from the fact that it's dangerous and idiotic and only _you _could conceive such an idea, imagine what people would say!'_

'_I only suggested it!'_

'_Yes, but we all know that when _you _suggest an idea you invariably want to try it out.'_

'_Come on, you know you want to really. It'll be fun!'_

'_No it won't, it's a stupid idea and I won't be part of it.'_

'_But I need you, Moony! How am I supposed to do it on my own? That's impossible!'_

'_Well, well, well, what's all this then?'_

'_Sirius wants to lure Snape into the Shrieking Shack while I'm transformed!'_

'_Awesome! Let's do it!'_

'_See? Prongs has no objections!'_

'_Well, at the risk of offending anybody, however good Prongs thinks your idea is, it's not. So I'm not doing it.'_

'_Come on!'_

'_No! You'll kill him!'_

'_And?'_

'_Very funny, Sirius. It's not going to happen.'_

'_It's not really like you have a _choice_, Moony. Once you're a werewolf you'll go after Snivellus whether you want to or not.'_

'_So you're going to betray my trust?'_

'_We're not betraying your trust, Moony!'_

'_Oh yeah? I trust you not to let me put anyone else in danger while I'm transformed. Now you want to play a joke like that on Snape? I could kill him!'_

'_We won't kill Snivellus! We'll just make him mess his pants!'_

'_You're not doing it, okay? Promise me.'_

'_Fine. Spoil sport. We won't do it.'_

'_Promise?'_

'_I said we won't!'_

'_Promise me!'_

'_Fine! Alright, I promise!'_

He never had kept his promises, even then.

_Oh Moony, save me._

How the hell had this happened? They'd all known they were in danger, every single one of them, and yet nobody had really expected this.

What a stupid thought. Of course they hadn't expected _this_.

It was just like he'd told Remus: one moment he was some happy-go-lucky teenage sex god, the next two of his best friends had died and he was now in charge of a kid. He'd still had Remus, though, whom he loved and who could calm him down when he was in a rage, and who he knew would always be there, like a safety net for a tight-rope walker – even when you fell off, Remus was there to catch you. He always had been. But now his safety net had been taken away, and he was gradually coming to the realisation that he was slowly falling to earth with no one to catch him and nothing to break his fall. He was alone; the only things that could possibly pass for company in his parents' house where a crazy old woman, a crazy old House Elf and a baby who couldn't talk and at any rate seemed just as depressed as him.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Rain pounded at the window, begging to be let in from the night's wild storm. The howling wind reflected his own rage at being cooped up in this stupid house with no saviour, at being left to fend for himself with no Remus, and with a crazy pro-pureblood old bat and a half-deranged House Elf – these were, he felt, poor substitutes for his kind, gentle, lovable Moony. He needed someone to hold and to kiss and to love and the one person he wanted was miles and miles away in some tiny little hamlet in the country. Owls hooted in the darkness and reminded him of letters that he didn't have, letters that he should be receiving and replying to but couldn't see the point of doing so.

_There isn't much to tell…_

Clearly Remus wasn't interested in corresponding with him anymore. Clearly he was having a much better time back home, probably with that stupid dumb blonde from the hospital. Perhaps he was even glad to be rid of Sirius and Harry, and to have his freedom back, and live the wild life that a twenty-one year old should be living. Perhaps he'd never really wanted them there, but he'd taken them anyway, because he was Remus, and kind and too polite to say no. Yes… He and that irritating Wendy were probably laughing at Sirius behind his back, laughing at his stupidity, his presumption, his irrational notion that Remus had wanted him when really he was just a tool, just an idiot boy to be laughed at and mocked…

Poisonous thoughts seeped through his brain, tarnishing his memories, burning holes in his beliefs. Perhaps there'd never really been a Sirius-and-Remus. An 'us'. Maybe it really had been just some crazy one night stand that didn't mean a thing at all. Not to Remus anyhow. If that was so, wasn't it also possible they'd never really been friends in the first place? Perhaps he'd never even _had _any friends. Maybe they were all sorry for him, because he was an outcast, a misfit, and oddball, shunned from his crazy family with their anti-Muggle beliefs and their pro-pureblood leanings because he was in Gryffindor, not Slytherin, like the rest of them. Because he'd had McGonagall as Head of House, instead of Slughorn. Because he'd never really fitted in, and so they'd taken pity on him and let him join their gang of mischief makers and marauders…

_The Marauders._

Their gang.

Only, it hadn't been a gang, had it? Only now did he see how stupid he'd been. Only now did he realise that they never had been a group, a gang, a circle of friends.

He'd fallen right off that tightrope and down to earth. Except that, at the end of his fall, he saw that he wasn't hitting the ground.

He'd fallen right into a pit of snakes and wasps and Blast-Ended Skrewts.

* * *

><p><em>14<em>_th__ December 1981_

_Dear Padfoot – _

_I was just wondering if you were alright, because I haven't heard from you in a while. I assumed you were busy at first, and you probably think I'm an awful fusspot for checking up on you, but I just wanted to make sure your mother hadn't driven you to insanity already. How is she by the way? Give her my regards, please._

_It's pretty lonely here without you. Sorry, that's a stupid thing to say – it's a__n understatement to say the least__. It's really quiet and sometimes I can't sleep because my bed feels a lot bigger without you, and not in a good way. There isn't really much to tell you, my life's pretty boring these days as I don't do much. Dumbledore came round the other day just to see how I was coping without you (I lied and said I was fine, because I didn't want him to worry, although now that I come to think about it, maybe I should have just in case he decided to let you live with me again) and he said the Ministry had told him they wanted to offer me a job, though he warned me this was probably just a bribe in exchange for information about you. (Don't worry, I haven't taken it.) It did make me think, though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about money now that James and Lily aren't supporting me anymore. I know it sounds selfish and disregarding of others but I really don't mean it like that. I was thinking about possibly moving, as there aren't any jobs going in the village at the moment, but of course I'll have to find somebody to buy the house, so I was wondering what your thoughts are on this. Do you think I should sell it and find a job elsewhere or just try and see if anything turns up nearby? I don't really have anyone else to talk to; the villagers are nice, and of course there's Wendy but they're just not the same. I really miss you, Padfoot. I'm kind of hoping you miss me too, or you can at least pretend you are, because otherwise I'll feel a bit awkward now._

_Anyway, how's Harry? I'll bet he's developing fast. Is he talking yet? How about walking? Don't get worried if he's not, apparently boys develop a lot later than girls. How much has he grown? I bet I won't recognise him next time I see him, he'll be so much bigger. I wonder if he'll need glasses, like James? He looks exactly like his dad, except that he's got Lily's eyes. I bet everyone says that, though. It's pretty obvious, you don't even have to take a proper look at him to see it. _

_How's his scar? Is it still not hurting him? I was asking Dumbledore about it, I described it and told him all about it, and he said it's probably where Voldemort's curse rebounded. Nobody's really sure what happened to _him_; some people think he's dead, but Dumbledore and Hagrid don't agree. I'm sure Dumbledore knows something we don't, he was talking about the fact that perhaps Voldemort's got an inability to die, and something about Hogwarts and shiny objects (something about treasure, anyway). Half of it didn't make sense, but he wouldn't repeat it when I asked him. I assume he's got some kind of theory about Voldemort and what happened to him that night, but he doesn't seem to know of his whereabouts any better than we do._

_Talking of missing people, the Order still hasn't found Peter. Dumbledore's let everyone know about his being an Animagus – we're using the Burrow as the Order's headquarters these days – but no one seems to have spotted a rat anywhere. I suppose it's only natural, of course – how many rats must there be in Britain? It's not like he has any distinguishing features, _, except for that scratch on his nose from that time I clawed him by accident in the Shrieking Shack,_ and a creature that small could be anywhere. Dumbledore hasn't let slip about you and James being Animagi, but I'm sure Molly Weasley definitely smelled a rat (if you'll excuse the pun), and started asking questions about how on earth Peter could have brewed an Animagus potion himself without any 'outside help'. I'm not sure she fully believes you're innocent, Sirius, even though you are technically still in the Order; you have to remember, she reads the _Daily Prophet _and _Witch Weekly _and she seems to believe everything she reads. Also, Arthur works at the Ministry, though he seems a damn sight more willing to accept the fact that you've been wrongly accused than his wife._

_Looking forward to your reply (that's a _hint_, Padfoot)_

_Moony_

* * *

><p><em>21<em>_st__ December 1981_

_Padfoot – _

_Merry Christmas and all that. Yes, I'm just reminding you that it's a week since my last letter and you still haven't replied. _

_Are you alright? I'm genuinely worried about you and I'm starting to think the Ministry might have called – although I would have seen that in the _Prophet_, of course – or worse, Death Eaters. I know the Ministry's captured and imprisoned most of the ones we know of, but that means it's leaning on the _Prophet _to publish reports of how good our government is (ha ha), and might not care if you get killed, if you catch my (very obvious) drift. _

_Perhaps it might help the Ministry's image, but I'm still worried about you and if you don't reply within a week I'm contacting Dumbledore. In case you're worried I'm not actually bothered about you so why should you worry, I'm actually also worried about your godson, who does indeed happen to be wanted by most Voldemort-supporters across the country, regardless of the fact that your mother also rather liked his policies of killing off Muggle-borns. _

_I've enclosed a package for Harry – I'm not telling you what it is because I want you both to open it on Christmas morning and be so excited that it might compel you to write a letter to me sometime. There's something for you too, and no, you can't open it now. Save it. It's only four days away. _

_I want a letter from you, Padfoot, or else I really will get in touch with Dumbledore. I'll give you a week because I'm kind and I understand that you hate that house and you're depressed to be back there, but I'm really, really worried, so you'd better have a good excuse for not writing._

_Tidings, _

_Moony_

* * *

><p><em>28<em>_th__ December 1981_

_That's it. I'm contacting Dumbledore._

_Moony_

* * *

><p><em>28th December 1981<em>

_Moony – _

_Don't tell Dumbledore to come round, I'll only want to hit him even more. I'm fine and so is Harry and yes he does look-exactly-like-James-but-he's-got-Lily's-eyes and yes it is rather obvious if you don't mind me saying._

_Thanks for the _Tales of Beedle the _Bard, and for the photo and the Appleby Arrows boxers, I might start a collection. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too. Have fun snogging Wendy on New Year's._

_Padfoot_

* * *

><p><em>30<em>_th__ December 1981_

_Dear Padfoot – _

_Next time you decided not to write, change your mind please. I've been really worried, I don't think I've slept in at least a week, so thanks for that. Glad you and Harry liked your Christmas presents, though, I couldn't think what to get you. _The Tales of Beedle the Bard _was mine when I was a kid, I thought you and Harry both might enjoy reading them. Of course, you'll be familiar with most of them, but there will be a few that I bet your mum didn't tell you. I found the photo in amongst my vast collection of Defence textbooks; it made me think about the old days. _

_How was your Christmas? Mine was pretty quiet and I'm assuming yours was too. Did Harry have a marginally less depressing time than you or was it about the same?_

_Please write soon,_

_Moony_

_P.S. And what's all this about me snogging Wendy? I won't be snogging Wendy. I never have had and never will have any desire to, thank you very much._

* * *

><p>Sirius frowned as he watched the snow falling softly outside. The pearly grey daylight was barely visible through the swirl of ice-crystals whirling around, drifting lazily to the ground while still others fell from frozen clouds way up in the mid-afternoon sky. He sighed for the fourth time and looked over at Harry, who was sleeping peacefully in his cot, blankets tucked right up to his chin, one tiny fist clutching the top coverlet as he dreamed peaceful unconscious dreams, untroubled thoughts, innocent fantasies. He wasn't troubled at all by his past – he could barely even remember it – whilst others were left to stew in the mess of it, courtesy of the most feared Dark wizard ever known, even more so than the legendary Grindlewald.<p>

He looked at the photograph again, the one that Remus had sent. Lily and James's wedding day. It was picture-perfect, a storybook setting, from the weather to the little church in Godric's Hollow to the event itself. To think that, just three years previously, the thought of marrying James Potter would have made Lily Evans's stomach turn. Yet there she was, in a simple but elegant dress, waving up from the picture, bright green eyes alight with happiness. James stood, arm in arm with her, grinning madly, unable to believe he'd actually tied the knot with the girl of his dreams. And to the right, slightly behind, he saw himself laughing at the camera. It was almost as if he were mocking himself. And next to him, behind James – yes… he wouldn't have even spotted Remus if he hadn't known where to look.

But he didn't want to look. Why shouldn't he eradicate every part of Remus from his life? It seemed the most rational thing to do. After all, despite Remus's protests that he wouldn't be kissing Wendy at midnight on New Year's Eve, it seemed he wasn't really missing Sirius at all. All his threats to go to Dumbledore, all his claims that he missed him, that he was worried, were all empty, Sirius now saw. He knew now that Remus was pitying him, because he was stuck in this stupid prison of a house, because the only other sane person around he couldn't have a proper conversation with. Remus wasn't _missing _him. He was probably having a whale of a time without him. He'd never wanted him in the first place. Hadn't he made that clear? Hadn't he told Sirius not to be stupid when Sirius had declared that he loved him?

Stupid, stupid Sirius. Maybe this was why Pureblood families married their children off to other Pureblood families' children. Aside from the 'continuation of the noble line', it also meant that their kids didn't have to suffer unrequited love.

Well. They at least didn't have the option of chasing a crush and eventually being subjected to rejection and humiliation. Or worse – pity.

* * *

><p>In the cot beside him, Harry woke up and began to murmur.<p>

'Oh, boy,' Sirius sighed. 'Have you got a hell of a lot coming to you.'

'Are you alright?' Wendy asked, flopping down onto Remus's sofa.

Remus considered reverting to his default 'Yes, fine' but something stopped him. 'No,' he said shakily, his voice cracked. Wendy offered him a hug, and he half-collapsed into her welcoming arms.

'What is it?' she said, patting him on the back of the head.

'Sirius,' he mumbled, wanting to cry. He just couldn't understand what he'd done. He didn't know why Sirius was so cold all of a sudden, and worse, he didn't know how to fix it. He'd known that Sirius would be depressed once back at his old house, but this was worse, this was… almost as though he didn't want to know Remus anymore.

Wendy sighed. 'What's he done now?'

Remus pulled away, offended on Sirius's behalf. 'Nothing! He hasn't done anything! He hasn't!' he cried as Wendy rolled her eyes.

'Right. So you're just depressed all of a sudden and he had _nothing _to do with it? I believe you.'

'It's not him, it's me, _I've _done something. But I don't know what and it's really getting to me and I just want Sirius back!'

Wendy was rather startled by this sudden outburst of emotion, and patted Remus on the back uncertainly. 'Maybe… um, maybe you should… I dunno, try talking to him?'

'I've tried!' Remus moaned. 'I wrote to him about five hundred times and all I got was a really short, cold reply. And he said something about me snogging you on New Year's Eve!'

Wendy laughed in spite of herself. 'I thought you… you know. Did it with him? How could he possibly think you're interested in _me_? I'm a _girl_.'

'I know,' Remus sniffed. 'I just… I dunno. I thought he _knew_. I thought he _knew _I loved him. I told him at least seven hundred times.'

'Okay, hyperboles aside, do you think you ever might have talked about me a little too much? I mean, at the risk of offending you, he did kind of seem like the jealous type.'

Remus sighed. 'Yeah. He's pretty possessive,' he admitted.

'Right. So, maybe you just happened to mention my name in passing and he got really mad or something.'

Remus raised his eyebrows. 'He's not _that _jealous,' he told her.

Wendy considered for a moment. 'We _did _kiss right outside your door while he was watching, didn't we? Maybe it was that.'

He shook his head. 'We weren't together then. And anyway, I think you'll find _you _kissed _me_.'

'Whatever,' Wendy sighed. 'That's still enough to make a guy jealous, especially yours. Maybe you should just give him some time to come round.'

'But it's _Sirius_,' Remus muttered. 'I'm scared he'll do something stupid.'

'Nah,' Wendy said in an off-hand manner. 'Not if he's got a kid. Anyway, I've got to dash, my shift at the hospital starts in a minute. I tell you, Remus, _never _work night shifts, it's _rubbish_. Bye, then. I bet he really does love you.'

She waved and walked out; a second later Remus heard the front door close. He sighed and stood up, grabbing a record without even bothering to check the title, and slipping it into his record player – a gift, he remembered with a pang, from Sirius. Despite having perpetually teased him about his love of Muggle music, Sirius had bought him the record player as a coming-of-age present when he'd turned seventeen. He remembered the shock of waking up and seeing at least a dozen owls flying towards the window of his dormitory, carrying the heavy package. Smiling a little sadly at the memory, Remus flopped back down onto the sofa as the soft sound of music filled the room.

'_Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, flowing into the night?'_

Remus lay back and let the song wash over him. Somehow, for some reason, this song always made him think of Sirius. It wasn't as if Sirius had bought the record or anything – he probably hadn't even heard of The Kinks – but, inexplicably, every time he listened to _Waterloo Sunset_, Sirius's handsome face, his dark hair and his cheeky, roguish grin were all Remus could think about. He would hear that laugh, see those eyebrows raised and wonder when Sirius was going to realise how madly in love with him Remus was.

Tonight was no exception, and as he lay there he wondered what on earth he'd done to hurt Sirius so badly, and more importantly, how he could patch things up.

'_As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset, I am in paradise…'_

He could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness, and contemplated vaguely whether it was worth asking Dumbledore if he knew what was wrong with Sirius.

Two hundred miles away, Sirius looked down at the crumpled piece of parchment in his hand. He could still recall, at seventeen, asking Remus who the hell Terry and Julie were, and what the 'underground' was, and getting nothing but eyes rolled at him in response. He'd written down the lyrics to the song with the intention of finding out about these people and their undergrounds (underground _what_?).

_And they don't need no friends_

_As long as they gaze on Waterloo sunset_

_They are in paradise…_

He scrunched the piece of parchment up once more in his fist, wondering when, and how on earth, his world had so quickly fallen to pieces.

_**Okay, so I overused the word 'wonder' a bit in that chapter – sorry! As you can probably guess, I'm a big Kinks fan. **_**Waterloo Sunset **_**is one of my favourite songs and I do actually make obscure references to my life. I also kinda like the idea of dramatic music in movies in a real-life context (obviously this is not real-life, but you know what I mean – I like the idea of relevant music playing during dramatic moments in my life), so that's what I decided to do. Let me know if you like/detest it and I'll try and work in some more/stop doing it all together. :)**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Just me again! Not much to say, except please review 'cause I love you and you're all awesome! **_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Eleven

'No, no, thank _you_, Madam Bagnold. It was my pleasure to suggest some advice. Good luck at the Ministry. Goodbye. Ah, Remus. I received your letter, but I felt it might be more prudent to talk to you in person. Have a seat.'

'Er, thank you, Professor,' Remus replied nervously, taking a seat opposite his former headmaster.

It was odd being back in his old school – so much had changed, yet in some ways it was like he'd never left. The statue that guarded Dumbledore's office had grinned in recognition when he'd given the password; the suits of armour creaked and groaned and muttered in exactly the same, fed up manner; he'd seen the Fat Friar drift through the tapestry of Barnabus the Barmy on the seventh floor and smile at him as if he walked through the corridors of Hogwarts every day. He would have loved to bring Sirius back here – he felt it would have given his best friend just the lift he needed, and brought him out of his stupid depression. Then again, if it weren't for Sirius, Remus himself wouldn't even be here.

'Was that the Minister for Magic?'

'Yes, Remus, it was,' Dumbledore replied, his tone rather tense. 'She, erm, wanted to ask for my advice on catching Sirius Black.'

'And what did you say?' Remus asked, instantly on his guard.

'I told her I did not think it a worthy use of her time, and that I fully supported the opinion that Sirius is innocent. Naturally, she asked me of his whereabouts, although of course I feigned ignorance.'

'Good. I actually wanted to talk to you about Sirius, Professor. The thing is,' he began, 'I think I've offended him somehow. He just… He doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all, and he seems really depressed. I sent him loads of letters, but he only sent one really short reply back in December, and that was because I threatened to go to you if he didn't reply. I was really scared, sir, I thought he might have been caught by the Ministry or the Death Eaters or something.'

Dumbledore smiled his infuriatingly serene smile. 'I think Sirius might merely be lonely, and perhaps a little insecure.'

Remus's brow furrowed. 'Insecure? About what?' His mind cast itself back to a few weeks ago, when he and Wendy had been discussing Sirius and the fact that he had not taken kindly to Remus and Wendy's brief relationship (if one could call it a relationship, it was more of a pretence, Remus felt). Could this be what Dumbledore was getting at? He felt his cheeks heat up. Surely Dumbledore couldn't know about… _that_? He couldn't know about what had happened between them, could he?

'I think that Sirius may be… missing you rather a lot,' Dumbledore said carefully.

Colour flooded Remus's cheeks again, and he did his best to control his simmering anger. 'Well, with all due respect, Professor, you _were _the one who stopped us living together.'

Dumbledore smiled, but his eyes were piercing and his voice chilly. 'That doesn't stop you visiting every once in a while.'

Remus was too stunned to speak for a moment; his brain tried to process what he'd just heard. 'Wait – I'm allowed to go and _visit _him? But… You never told me that Professor!'

Dumbledore's smile was kinder now. 'I thought you might have worked that out for yourself, Remus, but I evidently overestimated you. Though I feel that your living with Sirius and Harry permanently would be… dangerous, I think that, if you are careful, a visit once every now and then might do you both good, so long as you do not see Sirius at the full moon, of course.'

'Seriously? I can see Sirius again?'

'There was never a time when you _couldn't _see Sirius, Mr. Lupin. I never stopped you from seeing him.'

'But I thought…' Remus trailed off. All this time he had been able to go and see Sirius. For four months he had sat at home, doing nothing, staring at his fire instead of searching fruitlessly for a job, living on sour milk and porridge designed for babies. He had had the chance to go and cheer Sirius up, to cheer himself up. They could have had laughs together about the weird company Sirius kept these days. They could have sat up, late at night, and talked about everything. They could have cooed over Harry like proud, blissful parents. And four months, four _precious _months he had wasted by being depressed and lonely and stupid enough to be sensible.

'Um, thank you, Professor,' he muttered, still amazed at his own stupidity and presumption. 'I'll – I'll go and write to him now.'

'Oh, Remus?'

'Yes, sir?'

'As I am Secret-Keeper, I must tell you the location. Do not forget this, Remus.'

'I won't Professor.'

'Pay careful attention.'

'I will.'

'_The whereabouts of Sirius Black can be found at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, London.'_

'Thank you, Professor.'

Outside Dumbledore's office, Millicent Bagnold walked quickly away. It seemed funny that Dumbledore, for whom she had always had so much respect, could be harbouring a fugitive and protecting a criminal. And now she had extremely valuable information which would help her win over the public once and for all. To think that she had only just come into office one year ago.

* * *

><p><em>10<em>_th__ February 1981_

_Dear Padfoot – _

_You'll never guess how stupid I've been! You're going to be very angry when you read this, but hopefully we'll be able to laugh about it one day when we're old and grey. Anyway, I talked to Dumbledore yesterday and he said that I could have come to yours any time apart from the full moon! Imagine that, Padfoot. I honestly don't know how I passed my NEWTS, I really don't. Probably because I had you and Prongs to help me, that's why I didn't get 'T's in everything. _

_How is Harry? I bet he's growing really fast now. Can he walk yet? Have you been reading him _Tales of Beedle the Bard_? I bet _The Wizard and the Hopping Pot _is a lot different in my book to the version your mum used to tell you! No anti-Muggle propaganda in the original story! _

_Anyway, is it alright if I come round sometime this week? Maybe tomorrow? Dumbledore gave me the Secret, since you're under the Fidelius Charm. I don't mean to be pushy, I've just missed you so much and I can't wait to see you again, and Harry too of course. I hope you're both well, and that your mother hasn't driven you insane yet. How is she, by the way? And how is Kreacher? I don't think I've asked you a single thing about them! How thoughtless of me, Padfoot!_

_Send a reply with this owl, _please_, because I am desperate to see you and hear your voice again._

_Lots of love,_

_Moony _

_x_

* * *

><p><em>11<em>_th__ February 1981_

_MOONY!_

_You are literally the stupidest person I have ever met. I suppose you were doing the 'sensible thing' by staying away, and as much as I deplore your sensibility, HOW STUPID OF YOU!_

_Anyway, Harry is great, walking _everywhere_ and holding fully developed conversations and everything. I think he's going to be an ambassador or something. And my mother and Kreacher are crazy as ever, thank you for showing your deepest concern._

_Oh, and you're right about _The Wizard and the Hopping Pot! _I was shocked to find that the original story is about a wizard who learns to be kind to Muggles and help them out, instead of a wizard who was threatened by them and had his cauldron eat them (because that's completely normal, by the way). I always knew my mother was a pathological liar._

_COME ROUND THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW FOR DINNER AT EIGHT AND DON'T BE LATE! Bring wine (unless I stole it all, in which case I will provide it) and we can make a sort of a thing of it if you like – I will make definitely sure my mother and Kreacher are out of the way. I promise. _

_Lots and lots and lots of hugs and kisses,_

_Padfoot _

__

* * *

><p><em>12<em>_th__ February 1981_

_Padfoot – _

_I don't think you mean 'deplore'. Understand, perhaps? Identify with? (Actually, perhaps not.) Maybe realise it was the right thing to do?_

_Anyway, I will be round tomorrow at eight sharp, promise._

_Have you thought about how it might make the whole thing more interesting if your mother came and shouted abuse at me halfway through dinner? We could take pictures and put them in a scrapbook!_

_Not that I want you to keep her up past her bedtime, obviously._

_Excessive hugs and kisses, etcetera,_

_Moony_

_(insert several thousand kisses here.)_

* * *

><p>'Night, Harry. Sleep tight,' Sirius whispered, kissing his godson on the forehead and tucking in his blankets. Harry murmured softly in his sleep and turned over, clutching the covers. Sirius smiled and headed back downstairs.<p>

He couldn't stop grinning at the thought of seeing Remus for the first time in over four months. He couldn't believe his luck. He'd been reluctant at first, thinking that perhaps Moony really _was _just pitying him, but what harm could it do? If he _was _doing this out of pity, he seemed happy enough to entertain Sirius, and Sirius was going to make the most of it. Besides, he'd said in his letter that he was dying to see Sirius. _And _he'd put a kiss at the end of it.

So maybe…

There was a knock on the door just as he finished laying the table and was considering lighting a candle, or maybe an old Filibuster Firework he'd found in his Hogwarts trunk from three years ago. He checked his watch – Remus was early, it was only ten to eight (not that Sirius was complaining, of course – he was more than happy to spend an extra ten minutes with him).

He ran to the door and flung it open with a cry of, 'Moony you ca–'

'Sirius Black?'

The Auror glared at him, and Sirius's eyes fell down towards his outstretched hand, perfectly steady, and with his wand pointed directly at Sirius's heart.

'You're not Moony…' Sirius whispered, his mouth bone dry.

'Ministry of Magic. You're under arrest.'

* * *

><p>'BUT I DON'T UNDERTSAND <em>HOW<em>!' Remus yelled for the fourth time, as, yet again, somebody failed to give him a logical explanation of how the Auror Department had managed to locate Sirius, where they had taken him and how long for, whether he really was going to go to Azkaban, and why Dumbledore hadn't yet convinced the Ministry that Sirius was innocent.

'Remus, please _calm down_, for goodness's sake!' Andromeda Tonks cried, doing her best (and failing) to settle him.

'Why has he sent me here of all places, anyway?' Remus demanded.

'Because we're not in the Order of the Phoenix, dear, so the Ministry aren't likely to think we're involved with him.'

'But you're his cousin!' Remus protested.

'Well, we've never spoken, and for your information, Professor Dumbledore thought that this was the safest place for you to be, _and _he's put protective enchantments and the Fidelius Charm on our house temporarily,' Andromeda replied shortly.

'That _bloody _Fidelius Charm, it all started with that, didn't it!' Remus raged. 'Much good it did Lily and James, eh? And now look where it's got Sirius! A cell in Azkaban, for Merlin's sake! What the bloody hell is wrong with this world, huh? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?'

There was a silence. Remus realised to his embarrassment that both Andromeda and her husband Ted were staring at him in shock, probably wishing they hadn't agreed to take Remus in tonight, and when he caught sight of himself in the mirror above the fireplace he realised he was a deep shade of beetroot. Brilliant.

'Remus, dear…'

He couldn't look at her anymore – she resembled her sister Bellatrix too much. Bellatrix Lestrange, who'd tortured and killed members of the Order, and driven Alice and Frank Longbottom to insanity…

'I just need to – I need some air,' he muttered, heading out of the living room and almost tripping over Ted and Andromeda's eight-year-old daughter in his haste to get through the kitchen and out of the back door.

'He'll be alright, Remus,' she said, cradling a glass of water. He wondered for a moment about asking her why her hair was bubblegum-pink, just to try and take his mind off Sirius, but before he could open his mouth Andromeda swept through the doorway from the living room.

'Nymphadora! What are you doing down here, darling?'

The girl made no reply, but merely scowled at her mother.

'Nymphadora, darling, I'm _not _going to call you Tonks, it's silly to want to be called by your last name all the time! It's like calling Remus "Lupin"!'

'Well, I'll call him Lupin, then,' the girl replied. 'I'm Tonks,' she said brightly to Remus, who sighed irritably, which Andromeda used to her advantage.

'See, he doesn't like it, now do you? You still haven't told me what you're doing, Nymphadora.'

'Tonks' held up her glass and said, 'I was thirsty.'

'Well, go back to bed, dear, it's late. Goodnight, sweetheart.'

'Night, Mum,' Tonks muttered, heading out of the kitchen. Moments later they heard her footsteps on the stairs.

'Now, Remus dear,' Andromeda began, laying a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from her as though it were red-hot.

'I need some air,' he repeated, and walked out of the kitchen.

He could think more clearly outside in the cool night air, even if it meant he was shivering from lack of warmth. According to Dumbledore's latest letter five minutes ago, Harry had been found at Sirius's and taken to his aunt and uncle's house. From the tone of the letter Remus knew that this concerned Dumbledore, and that even he knew Harry belonged with Sirius. Remus needed to find a way to prove Sirius's innocence, to make the Ministry see that he'd done nothing wrong, that Harry belonged with his godfather and not his aunt and uncle, whom he just _knew _could never love Harry like Sirius did… But how on earth was he supposed to do that? The Ministry wouldn't listen to the only people who believed Sirius's innocence, and besides, they had no proof – the only way they could actually prove to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement that Sirius wasn't a criminal was if they caught Wormtail…

_Wormtail._

Screw the Order – they obviously weren't looking in the right places. Remus had known Peter for eleven years, surely he of all people could figure out the most likely place he would go, and track him down. It couldn't be that hard, not if he searched thoroughly and carefully enough. And he would make sure of that.

Now all he needed to do was get out of here and get at least fifty feet away from the house before he could disapparate and begin his hunt. It seemed as though Sirius had taken over his mind – after all, he was the rather more rash of the two – as he formed his risky plan, setting off through the garden, over the wall and across the field behind the Tonks' house.

'Remus, Andromeda wants you, we've just had another letter from – Hey! Where are you going? Come back!'

Ignoring Ted Tonks's outraged cries, Remus ran across the meadow, trampling flowers and ferns in his wake, turning back every so often to estimate his distance from the house. Yes… This seemed a good enough spot. Smiling vindictively at Ted Tonks's plump figure splashing through the muddy garden pond, he waved and turned on the spot, the crushing darkness wrapping itself around him as he was whisked away, far, far from the garden and into the heart of London.

_**Sorry this chapter's a bit disjointed… I had a bad case of writer's block and it took me ages to get all this down, so yeah, sorry about that! Next chapter will be better, hopefully. :)**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Hey hey hey! I've edited Chapter 10 in case you wanna go back and re-read it, because I totally missed out an important plot detail that will be of relevance later on. I don't suppose it'll make much difference if you read it now but in later chapters it'll all make sense. 'Sup to you. :D**_

_**I made these Aurors' names up, so you don't have to go flicking through your HP books wondering what relevance they have to Harry's life at Hogwarts, 'cause they don't. Please gimme love and reviews, because you're all so awesome and supermegafoxyawesomehot. ;)**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Twelve

'Wait – where are you taking me?'

The tall Auror sneered at him. 'Do you really need us to spell that out for you, Black?' The shorter one laughed, and the blond one's mouth twisted into a sarcastic smirk.

'But I – argh! I haven't done anything wrong!' Sirius cried as they jostled and tugged at him. 'Stop it, let me go, _please!_'

All three laughed at him. 'Right! Of course we'll let you go, Black,' the tall one snorted. 'Come on, Radley, Jones; let's take this crazed idiot back to the back-ups.'

'What?' Sirius said, terrified and confused. 'Back-ups?'

'Back-up _Aurors_, you idiot. Honestly, how did this piece of bloody Puffskein dung manage to betray the Potters?'

'_What?'_

'What's wrong, Black?' the blond laughed as the other two jeered. 'Didn't you know why you were being arrested?'

'But I didn't betray them!' Sirius gasped helplessly. He felt like he was drowning, he couldn't breathe in this hellish nightmare – for, surely, it had to be a nightmare, didn't it? This couldn't really be happening. Dumbledore had everything under control, he'd told them to trust him, hadn't he? This was all just a terrible dream, and soon he would wake up in bed next to Remus's soft, warm body and tell him, and they'd shudder and laugh at what a nightmare that would be…

Remus. It was weird to think that, not five minutes ago, he had been laying the table in preparation for the perfect Valentine's evening with Remus. Not that he'd ever been very enthusiastic about Valentine's Day in his life, but since he had known and been reassured that Remus loved him as much as he loved Remus, things started to mean something to him. Little things, like song lyrics or the storylines of books or sickly sweet Cupids with bows and arrows that he'd seen plastered up all around Grimmauld Place. He needed Remus to come and save him, to wake him up from this horrendous nightmare. He refused to believe it was true, because it _couldn't _be. Perhaps this was all some sick, elaborate practical joke, and Remus was about to come and rescue him, and tell these 'Aurors' that their little bit of entertainment wasn't actually all that funny. If only Remus would act quickly, shake him awake or break up this little party, and make everything seem okay again –

'OI! Aren't you listening, Black? Didn't you hear what I just asked you?' the short Auror yelled in his ear. He tripped as he was jostled along the pavement, and he became aware that his arms were pinned behind his back. It frightened him to realise how little resistance he had put up.

'W-what?'

'Are you deaf? I said who else is betraying information to You-Know-Who?' the short Auror repeated angrily.

'I – what? I'm not betraying information to Voldemort!' Sirius shouted, struggling futilely. The blond Auror whispered, _'Incarcerous_,_' _and tight black bonds appeared from the end of his wand, snaking themselves around Sirius's arms. 'Let me go!' Sirius cried furiously. 'I'm not betraying information to Voldemort, and I don't know anyone who is! Let me go!'

'You're not going anywhere you filthy Death Eater,' the tall, dark-haired Auror said acidly, as his two companions hissed in disgust. 'You betrayed Lily and James Potter to You-Know-Who and you've been passing information to him for years!'

'No I haven't!' Sirius yelled. 'James was my best friend, I would never do anything to hurt him! I'm not your criminal!'

'Oh yeah?' the blond sneered. 'Who is then?'

'Peter Pettigrew,' Sirius moaned, knowing as soon as the words left his mouth that the Aurors wouldn't believe him. Just as he'd predicted, they laughed humourlessly, grinning at his foolish stupidity.

'Peter Pettigrew? He's dead!' the short Auror shouted. His voice was too loud for his body, booming and forcing its way into Sirius's ears, crashing against his eardrums and resounding painfully. 'Killed two days ago by a Death Eater.'

'No, you have to believe me!' Sirius cried.

'And why would we do that?' the tall Auror asked, dragging him roughly along. 'All evidence points to _you _being the betrayer. **Pettigrew died a hero's death.**'

By this time they had reached a crowd of Aurors, at least twenty of them, all with their wands pointed at Sirius's chest, directly above his heart. He gulped. The mismatched team of three yanked him towards an old shoe lying innocently on the ground. It could have simply been a piece of old rubbish, but for the fact that it was glowing a bright blue.

'A Portkey,' Sirius muttered, suddenly more panicked than before. 'Where are you taking me?'

The three laughed.

'The Ministry, you moron,' the blond Auror said. 'Where else? You'll have a nice, fair trial, and then…' He dragged the last part of the sentence out, relishing Sirius's discomfort.

'And then what?'

'And then you'll be sent to Azkaban.'

* * *

><p>'Let me go!'<p>

'No, Remus, you sit down!'

'Molly –'

'No, Arthur! Dumbledore told us to keep him safe, now I'm keeping him safe!'

'Let me go! I have to find Pettigrew!'

'Remus, you don't know what you're saying!' Molly Weasley shouted. 'Peter Pettigrew was killed two days ago!'

'He's not dead, he can't be!' Remus cried desperately. 'I have to find him so Sirius's name can be cleared!'

'Remus, SIT DOWN!'

He knew from the tone of Molly's voice that further argument would be pointless. All the same, he smashed his fist down on the table as he flopped into the chair that Molly was holding out for him with a sort of angry authority, groaning at his own incompetence.

He hadn't even got as far as Charing Cross Road before Dumbledore had Apparated right in front of him with a face like thunder, very akin to Molly Weasley's current expression, grabbed his arm and taken him back to the Burrow before he could so much as protest or explain. Dumbledore had led him straight into the house, muttered, 'Don't let him go, Molly,' and departed immediately.

True to Dumbledore's orders, Molly had refused to let him leave the Weasleys' kitchen, and had now succeeded in forcing him into a chair, despite her husband's feeble protests. Now that he was stuck here, with nowhere to go, no one to tell him anything about Sirius or Harry, and no means of escape under Molly's eagle-eye, Remus felt weaker than he'd ever felt. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this? Sirius was in trouble and Harry was alone in a strange house with a crazy woman and a crazy House Elf and Remus had no power to do anything about either situation. He only hoped with all his might that Dumbledore had rescued Harry and was now at the Ministry, possibly explaining the mix-up and bringing Sirius to the Burrow right away…

_Don't be stupid, Remus_, he told himself. Dumbledore's expression alone had told him that they were deep in a crisis, the volume of which he had not quite realised before in his haze of rash revenge-seeking, and the seriousness of which was beginning to dawn on him. A wave of nausea rose up inside him, and he stood up suddenly. Molly, thinking he was about to Disapparate, grabbed his arm, but he shook his head.

'Please, just let me use your bathroom, I think I'm about to throw up,' he pleaded. Molly simply glared at him.

'If you want to be sick, Remus, feel free to do it on my kitchen table,' she said shortly, as Arthur opened his mouth to give Remus permission to leave. Unfortunately, Molly clearly didn't trust Remus (he supposed he couldn't blame her, after the episode at the Tonks' house), and she looked him straight in the eyes, hands on hips, one eyebrow raised in a silent challenge.

'Molly, I really think I'm going to be sick,' Remus moaned, wincing as bile rose in his throat. 'I _promise _I won't go anywhere, just please let me use your bathroom!'

'Remus Lupin, you are not going anywhere!' Molly said firmly.

'But I really –' Remus said, and was promptly sick all over the Weasleys' kitchen table. There was an awkward silence. 'Sorry,' he added.

'No, no, it's fine,' Arthur said weakly, eyeing the pool of vomit on the table. 'Molly, could you, um… You know how bad my cleaning spells are.'

Molly sighed and waved her wand. _'Scourgify_.' Pink soap bubbles blossomed from the end of her wand, swallowing the table for a moment before disappearing, leaving the table as clean as ever. 'Sit down, Remus,' she said, adding, 'Don't be silly,' as he opened his mouth to apologise again.

'I just wish…' Remus muttered, sinking into his chair again.

'What?'

'I want Sirius,' he moaned childishly, folding his arms on the table and resting his throbbing head on them.

'I know you do, Remus, but he's not here,' Molly said gently, exchanging a worried glance with her husband. Remus must be exhausted and frustrated, they couldn't have him running off on his own, especially since they had Dumbledore's orders to keep him at the Burrow. Molly knew it was more than Remus's life's worth to be caught trying to help Sirius Black, and in his current state he was probably more dangerous than the whole Auror Department.

Remus didn't bother to comment on Molly's genius observational skills. He was too tired, angry and overwhelmed by the whole situation. 'Where's Harry?' he asked, his voice muffled against his jacket sleeves.

'Dumbledore's gone to get him, Remus, there's no need to worry,' Arthur said. 'He's taking him back to his aunt and uncle's.'

'WHAT?'

Both Molly and Arthur leaped backwards as Remus sat up suddenly, his face alive with rage.

'Remus –' Molly began in a frightened voice. Remus cut her off, standing up, his chair scraping noisily against the wooden floor.

'Why's he taking him there?' he shouted furiously. 'They won't look after him like Sirius will! What the HELL is he thinking?'

'Remus, Sirius is going to Azkaban! He _can't _look after Harry!' Arthur said meekly.

'HE IS _NOT_ GOING TO AZKABAN!'

There was a long silence. Remus stood in the centre of the kitchen, breathing heavily, his face scarlet with rage. Molly and Arthur stood side by side opposite him, their faces white in comparison, their expressions terrified. For once he didn't care what other people thought about him. He didn't care about anything right now, except for that fact that Sirius was in terrible danger and was going to be convicted of a crime he had not committed, and that nobody was willing to do a thing about it or let Remus do anything about it. He felt so angry and helpless, and he couldn't help wondering whether Sirius was wishing for him to come and rescue him right now. Without a word, he stormed towards the door, but Molly grabbed his arm before he could fling it open.

'_No_, Remus!' she said firmly. She still looked shocked but her tone was commanding. 'You are staying here.'

'Sirius needs me,' Remus growled, his voice low and as threatening as he could make it. Molly wasn't fazed.

'The last thing Sirius needs is you ending up in a cell beside him,' she snapped.

'At least he'd have some company then!' Remus argued.

'_Company?_' Molly cried. 'Remus, if you leave now you have less of a chance of helping Sirius than if you just _stay here and keep calm_.'

Remus glared at her as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. 'How do you work that one out?' he muttered, his hands clenching into fists to keep from shouting again.

'You can give evidence, Remus!' Molly replied, as though it ought to be obvious. 'They can't imprison him without a trial, it's illegal. If you walk out now you're only putting yourself in danger, but if you just stay until Dumbledore gets here you can help Sirius go free.'

'She's right, Remus,' Arthur said quietly. 'It's the only thing you can do to help.'

'But Peter…' Remus moaned helplessly.

'Peter's dead,' Molly whispered. 'I'm sorry, Remus. I know it's hard to lose friends. I know what it's – what it's like to – to lose people you're c-close to,' she added, sounding close to tears for some inexplicable reason. Arthur put a comforting arm around her shoulder and murmured, 'They'd be proud of you, Molly. They always were.' To Remus he said, 'You'll stay tonight?' Remus nodded.

'There's a spare room just upstairs, Remus, you can sleep there,' Molly said, sounding as though she had a bad cold. 'I'll show you up, it's just on the first floor.'

'Thanks, Molly,' Remus said quietly. He followed her up to a small room just off the first landing of the stairs. The walls and floor were the same colour – they looked a pinkish lilac in the dim light – and there was a bookcase in one corner decorated with painted flowers and butterflies. The latter were flitting about the painted wood, fluttering their wings and pausing occasionally as if to inspect a book cover. Molly indicated a smallish bed, pushed up against the wall. The bedspread was also patterned with butterflies and garden flowers. The peacefulness of the bedroom was a stark contrast to the events of the evening.

'This is Ginny's room,' Molly said, folding the duvet back and plumping up the pillows, 'but she's sleeping in our room tonight, so you can have hers.' She smiled kindly, resuming the maternal nature that came so naturally to her.

'Thanks, Molly,' Remus said again, a little choked up. They were going to so much trouble for him. So much trouble just to keep him there, to keep him safe.

He hated it.

It was the same old feeling of being a liability to everyone, the same feeling of being an inconvenience to all – to his parents, to his teachers and to Dumbledore, even to his best friends, and now to Molly and Arthur. He felt like he was taking advantage of their hospitality and their good nature, and the bitter resentment he felt at being forced to impose his company on other people made him feel guiltier than ever. He could feel the same old insecurities rushing back, the same doubts and fears he had held from being a small child: _They only take care of me because they have to… They only let me in to this school for my parents' sake… They're only friends with me because they feel sorry for me… _He was a burden to all who shared his company – or rather, all who were forced to be in the same room as him at any given moment – and, not for the first time, he wished he were normal. He wished he were an ordinary human being, and not afflicted with this feared and misunderstood condition… that he could find paid work, and friends, and that people would not refuse to talk to him on the grounds of who he was – no, _what _he was. He wasn't a person – merely an outcast, an anomaly, a burden of society… an animal.

'Oh, it's no trouble, dear,' Molly said kindly, tugging him away from his own bitter thoughts before he could become swept away in resentment. There was a pause, in which she waited for a reply he didn't give. 'Well, I'll leave you to it,' she added, smiling again, though her expression was troubled. 'Goodnight, Remus, dear.'

Instead of asking what was good about it, Remus replied with the usual social niceties. 'Goodnight, Molly.' No use making everyone even more uncomfortable by being bitter about your situation. Better to pretend you didn't know what people said about you behind your back. Better to ignore the hard facts and the inconvenient truths. Better to be civil, and not talk openly about the issues that needed addressing. Better to ignore the elephant in the room.

He flopped down onto the bed without bother to get undressed – he had no nightclothes anyway, so what was the use? As the echoes of his own fears and thoughts whispered mockingly and taunted him in the cold, still night air, goose bumps crawled up his arms. He felt like he was sinking into a river of fear, doubt and heartbreak. For the first time, he had actually begun to realise that Lily and James were gone forever, that never again was he going to see James attempt to make his hair even messier at the back; never again would he shake his head at James's uncanny Quidditch skills or his Snitch-catching reflexes; never again would he laugh at the way Lily raised her eyebrows and tried not to look flattered the five-hundredth time James asked her out; never again would he have to haul a drunken James up the staircase to the Gryffindor boys' dormitories and put him to bed; never again would he have jokes made to him about his 'time of the month' or his 'furry little problem'; never again would he bump into Lily in the library and end up having an hour-long discussion about Chinese Chomping Cabbages or the correct technique for making a Draught of Living Death (something Remus could never get the hang of), before James came to find him and came over all mature all of a sudden…

Never again.

He would never see Lily and James again.

He was crying himself to sleep for the first time in eleven years. For the first time since he'd thought he would be the only eleven-year-old wizard in Britain not to go to Hogwarts, he was curled up in bed with hot tears flowing freely from his eyes.

He'd only just realised how much he had lost in the past four months. How much he missed, like James's lopsided grin, or Lily's exasperated shake of her head, or Sirius's laugh, or Harry's soft, sleeping snuffles.

He had to do everything he could to make sure Sirius wasn't convicted. He had to make sure Dumbledore didn't let the Ministry convict Sirius of something he hadn't done. He couldn't lose yet another part of his life, or he would have nothing to live for.

And yet it seemed as though his life had been doomed from the start. Afflicted with lycanthropy when he was barely more than a toddler, he had grown up as an outcast, used to people backing away or hurrying past as though they hadn't noticed him. Even used to his parents flinching whenever they looked at him, as though they couldn't bear to look at their son anymore – as though he _wasn't _their son, as though their strong, intelligent, confident Remus had been abducted by aliens, and all they had was this tired and damaged version in return. He had had a wondrous seven years at Hogwarts, almost able to be himself and sometimes even allowing himself to pretend that his friends really did like him for who he was – but he had always known that his luck would one day run out. When you were an outcast, a loner, your luck was limited. If there was a Handbook of Life, or instructions for the building of society, perhaps, every copy would have a fairytale rule, which would state quite plainly that villains and monsters were not allowed happy endings. It just didn't happen.

Still, he thought, whether or not he was destined to be spurned and shied away from for the rest of his life, Sirius did not deserve to be anything other than happy. Yet here Remus was, lying pathetically on a butterfly-patterned bed and waiting for the next set of instructions from Dumbledore. He only hoped that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, because Remus felt certain that if Dumbledore had stopped him doing the only thing that would prove Sirius's innocence for nothing, if he had failed to make the Ministry see that Sirius had done nothing wrong, Remus was holding him personally responsible.

* * *

><p><em>He was crying himself to sleep for the first time ever. It was embarrassed and secretive, his fist bleeding from biting down on it so hard to muffle his faint whimpers, but all the same he was crying himself to sleep. He wasn't entirely sure <em>why_; perhaps it was simply nerves, or the pressure of trying to pretend he was as normal and as excited about finally going to Hogwarts as everyone else with the thought that he was different – totally and utterly different to all the others – hanging over him, the fear that somebody would discover his secret, and that he would be shunned for the next seven years of his life. He'd got on the train in his brand new robes and found a quiet compartment with only a pretty, red-haired girl who looked like she, too, felt that she ought to be enjoying this more than she actually was. He'd smiled shyly and then they'd both gone back to minding their own businesses. And when three rather rowdy boys had entered the compartment and asked him to tell them his name, he'd been polite enough to oblige._

'_What's your name?' the most forward and confident of the three had asked._

'_Remus Lupin,' he'd replied, silently smiling to himself at the way the boy with untidy hair and glasses had gone a little red when he'd seen that the girl had caught him staring at her. _

'_Nice to meet you, Remus Lupin,' the first boy had replied. 'I'm Sirius Black.'_

_He'd politely consented to join the boys in the boat up to the castle, although he'd kept silent all the way up to the castle. He'd begun to get nervous as they'd approached the Great Hall, and the tension as he and the rest of the first years had waited in line for their Sorting had started to get to him. What if he didn't get Sorted into Gryffindor like his father, and his parents were disappointed in him? __**What if he wasn't chosen at all? What if he just sat there with the hat over his eyes for ages, until Professor McGonagall jerked it off his head and said there had obviously been a mistake and he'd better get back on the train?**_

_He'd waited and worried until, finally, Professor McGonagall had called his name, and he'd walked over, very nervously, to the stool and sat down, all the while feeling more than a little queasy. The Hat had debated whether to put him in Ravenclaw, but had decided against it, feeling that he might struggle. When it did decide – shouting its final choice out to the rest of the Great Hall – he'd been so relieved to actually have been put in a house that he hadn't heard which one it was; it wasn't until he'd looked around and seen the Gryffindor table cheering heartily that he'd grinned and exhaled with relief and made his wobbly way over as the exceedingly handsome dark-haired boy from the train had moved up and beckoned him over to sit with him._

'_Come and sit with me, Remus Lupin,' he had said, with a grin that had made Remus's heart stutter in the oddest way._

_All through the feast he'd made an exhausting effort to be cheerful, to be excited and enthusiastic, to tuck into the feast with everyone else and debate this year's winners of the House and Quidditch Cups; he had concentrated on his plate and spoken when necessary and only when necessary. Finally, shattered and tense, he'd collapsed on his bed as soon as they'd been shown their dormitories, far too tired for sleep. _

_And here he was, eleven years old, far too old to cry, and shaking with sticky sobs, his only source of comfort being that nobody yet knew who he was. _What _he was. _

'_What's up, Remus Lupin?'_

_He paused, biting down hard on his knuckle to stop himself bawling like a baby, as he felt a slight weight on the end of his bed, and a skinny silhouette crawled up the covers towards him. Sirius Black settled himself next to Remus Lupin and put an arm around the smaller boy. There was no doubt that he knew Remus had been crying._

_Silently cursing himself for not being discreet enough, Remus sighed and bit his lip. 'I just… don't belong here,' he said carefully, fully aware of how close he was to revealing his secret, what dangerous territory he was treading on. To his surprise, Sirius sighed too, as if he knew exactly how Remus felt, as though he too was an outsider._

'_I don't belong here either,' he said sadly. 'Look at me. Sirius Black, the only Gryffindor in a whole family of Slytherins for centuries. Probably ever, in fact.'_

'_But you have friends,' Remus frowned. 'James and Peter; they _like _you.'_

_There was a pause. _

'_What about you?'_

'_What about me?'_

'_Don't – don't you like me?' Sirius asked, suddenly sounding almost insecure, totally the opposite of his confident, haughty demeanour earlier in the day. Remus almost laughed to think that Sirius could have any question of doubt in his mind. He had been captivated by Sirius ever since he'd entered the train carriage that morning and flopped down onto the seat next to him without so much as an introduction. _

'_Of course I do,' he said with a smile._

'_Good,' Sirius murmured, wriggling a little in order to settle down more comfortably. They sat in silence for some time. Remus had almost dropped off to sleep when an unwelcome thought had struck him. _

'_Um, do you think we should…? I mean, don't you think people, if they find us… in the same bed, people might… talk…?' he'd said a little uneasily, unwilling to say it but already anxious of the impression he made to others, in case he gave away too much, revealed too much of his secret._

'_Oh… Yeah, sure,' Sirius muttered, sounding reluctant as his arm withdrew from around Remus's shoulders and he slid off the bed. _

'_Sorry,' Remus said quietly. Sirius grinned._

'_It's alright, Remus Lupin. Just as long as I know you like me.'_

_And with a playful wink, he padded over to his own bed on the other side of the room._


	13. Chapter 13

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Thirteen

'Sirius Black, you are charged with passing information to He Who Must Not Be Named, and for conspiring against Lily and James Potter and passing information which led to their death on 31st October 1981. You are also suspected of the murder of Peter Pettigrew. How do you plead?'

The prosecutor's voice rang out, clear and sharp, across the Ministry courtroom. Its tone was confident, businesslike and above all accusatory, and it made Remus wince. Sirius had to be strong, he had to remain calm, or else all would be lost. He was silently willing Sirius to look at him, to acknowledge him or even notice he was there. His eyes flickered once to corner where Remus sat with Dumbledore, but other than that, Sirius gave no sign that he'd seen Remus. He sat nervously, chained to a chair, his hands visibly shaking, and his voice trembled when he spoke.

'N-not guilty.'

Remus knew at once that they were done for.

All through the trial he perched right on the edge of his seat, hoping, praying for some miracle that would get them out of this desperate situation. He rocked quietly back and forth as he watched Sirius's face grow paler and his eyes grow wilder; he trembled and fought the urge to throw up violently as he watched Lucius Malfoy – _Lucius Malfoy_, of all people, a _Death Eater_ – give completely false evidence against Sirius, telling of how he had 'overheard' Sirius's plans to betray Lily and James. It was all nonsense, but somehow the jury swallowed every little made-up detail, every false accusation and every little lie, and he wanted to stand up and shout them down, tell them they were all wrong, that they'd got the wrong man, but somehow Dumbledore sensed his agitation and his burning desire to interrupt the trial and kept a firm hand on his arm and gave him several sharp looks that plainly told him not to move… and it was getting worse, the accusations wilder, the false information more and more absurd, and then the jury was deciding its verdict, and then it was over, and Sirius was being sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban. But it _couldn't _be over, not yet, it couldn't be _true_… They couldn't send him to Azkaban, he was Sirius Black, he was James Potter's best friend…

There were cheers and shouts of triumph from all sides of the courtroom; Remus felt sick. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't be real. Sirius was being dragged away by two Dementors, his face as ashen as Remus's, and as they neared the courtroom door, he turned his head in Remus's direction, his face fleetingly full of pain, fear and a terrible, gut-wrenching plea for help that made Remus's heart twist. Remus suddenly felt angrier and guiltier than ever before, and Dumbledore's firm grip on his arm suddenly held no sway over him. He stood, furious, and shouted across the courtroom:

'YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG MAN!'

The whole room stared. Sirius flashed him a wild look, half-terrified, half-confused. Dumbledore tugged at Remus's arm, but he resisted, repeating his pleading accusation to the echoing courtroom.

'Please sit down, sir,' the judge said briskly, gathering up his papers.

'No, I won't – you've got the wrong man, Sirius is innocent!' Remus shouted.

'Sir, please, _sit down _or we shall have to restrain you by force,' the judge replied angrily.

'Remus, please sit down,' Dumbledore muttered firmly. He looked angry too; Remus couldn't tell whether it was because of the verdict or because of his own outburst.

'But – but it's not _fair!_' Remus protested, sounding more like a child with every second that passed. The judge glared at him and swiftly exited the courtroom, motioning to the Dementors to follow him. They did so, dragging Sirius, who gave a half-cry, half-shout like a child in pain, with them. His cry tore at Remus's heart and conscience, and he couldn't help but stand up again and shout.

'You've got it wrong, HE'S NOT GUILTY!'

'Remus, sit down –'

'I WILL NOT SIT DOWN!' The last woman who remained in the room gave him a funny look before departing.

'Remus, I urge you to calm down!'

'NO! I won't! He hasn't done anything wrong!'

'Remus –'

'No, it's wrong and it's not fair!'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR!' Dumbledore shouted. Remus was startled into silence, and Dumbledore seemed to realise the ferocity and venom in the tone of his frank words. He lowered his voice and said, 'Sometimes fate does not present us with the path we feel we ought to have to right to walk down, but a different one that we must take, just as willingly, instead. Sometimes life does not give us the opportunities we desire, but different opportunities, and we must deal with them dutifully and willingly, or else risk throwing ourselves into an abyss of bitterness and self-pity, and self-pity is arguably one of mankind's greatest flaws. If we are to continue our lives in order to good for others, we must seek ways round barriers and obstacles that are put in our path, rather than despairing of their presence, and we must remain optimistic to the best of our ability. **Happiness can always be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.**'

'That's easy for you to say,' Remus muttered angrily. 'You didn't lose your parents at seventeen, the way I did I lost mine! You haven't seen someone you love carted off to Azkaban! You didn't lose someone as close to you as a sibling, did you? You weren't betrayed by someone you thought was a friend!'

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows coolly. 'Oh, really?'

His tone was still soft, but his words his Remus like a physical blow, as he realised he knew nothing about his former headmaster.

'What? What do you mean, Professor?'

'Never mind that now, Remus,' Dumbledore said a little impatiently. He seemed to regret his last words. 'We need to focus on helping Sirius.'

'Yes, of course,' Remus said hastily, looking eagerly at his headmaster and hoping to god that Dumbledore had a plan. 'What can we do?'

'Remus, I am trusting you to the highest degree now, do you understand? Whatever I ask you to do, you _must do it_, with no objections or deviations. Am I clear?'

Remus nodded. 'Whatever it is, if it helps Sirius I'll do it.'

Dumbledore looked solemn all of a sudden, and his blue eyes were more piercing than ever. 'Then listen very carefully, Remus,' he said. 'I want you to find and capture Peter Pettigrew.'

Remus could only gape. '_Peter?_' he exclaimed in surprise when he finally found his voice. 'But I thought he was dead?'

'I thought you knew I didn't believe that, Remus, which is why I have had the Order out looking for him since the night Lily and James died. However, it seems that they have had little success. You, on the other hand, having spent over seven years in his near-constant company, know more about Peter than anybody else. I believe that you will have more success than the rest of the Order. Of course, you will have other members of the Order to back you up, but I believe that you have a better chance than anyone of finding him. Can you do that, Remus?'

Remus nodded quickly. 'Of course. I – I mean, I don't know if I'll manage it but I'll definitely try my hardest.' He tried to smile. 'For Sirius, right?'

Dumbledore smiled back half-heartedly. 'For Sirius,' he echoed. 'I trust you will not give up, Remus.'

'I won't, sir. I promise. I won't give up as long as there's breath in my body. Because… because I – I love him.'

His old headmaster did not seem surprised at his sudden proclamation. In fact, he smiled – properly this time, warmly – and said, 'I thought so. I'm glad.'

'Professor,' Remus said, a sudden thought striking him, 'what'll happen to Harry when –' he refused to say 'if' – 'Sirius's name's been cleared?'

'He will be put back into Sirius's care if I have any say in the matter,' Dumbledore replied swiftly. 'I trust his aunt will not protest much, she seemed to have no desire to take the boy in the first place… So all the more reason try your hardest, Remus.'

'Yes sir.'

Dumbledore turned and swept out of the courtroom without a backward glance, leaving Remus all alone and wondering where on earth he was going to begin his search for Wormtail.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Sorry, I couldn't upload last night for some reason, but it's here now. Before we begin, I just want to say: **_

_**I love you! I love you all! Holmes44, luck-life, imSiriuslyLupin4you, ChocolateFrogsForMoony, Ally, The Lady of the Land, Abby, Caddy, Lizzy0308, Dark Oasis, Simone Leigh, The Shadow Bane, Cinder570, AidenVanHelsing, Deedlez01, FoxyWolfPlushie, theherbflower, AsHaYaM a2, jammin287 – I love you all for reviewing! You keep me sane and posting. I know I'm gushing here but… I love you guys! :D**_

_**Also, I actually have no idea when Regulus was killed, so if I'm wrong just ignore me. :)**_

_**Right. Okay. Honestly, I HAVE stopped gabbling now. You can get on with reading.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Fourteen

Remus sighed and rolled over, staring at the wall and studying the pale paint, which was glinting slightly in the moonlight.

Two months.

Two months he'd been stuck here with Molly and Arthur, imposing his company on them, commandeering their daughter's bedroom, pretending to make himself at home when all he really wanted was to be back in his own house.

Two nights of almost destroying Ginny Weasley's room and howling in pain as he scratched and bit himself. Two times he'd had to clear up, repair the curtains and the bedspread, before going downstairs to an embarrassed family doing their best to pretend they hadn't heard his humiliating and painful transformation and been kept up all night because of his howling and whining.

And he'd done nothing about finding Peter. Instead of being angry about Sirius's wrongful conviction, all he seemed able to feel was lethargy and a terrible kind of listless frustration that he was unable to do anything about his current situation. He didn't even know where to start when it came to finding Peter, and the fact that Molly seemed determined to keep her eagle eye on him at all times meant that he never got any time alone to think about it. She was always asking him to help her with the dishes, or to feed the chickens with Arthur; he supposed she was merely trying to be kind and distract him from thoughts of Sirius, but it was frustrating even so.

Dumbledore hadn't been round, and Remus supposed he'd been too busy. Remus felt that he himself had been too busy to even pause for breath, but when he looked back on the past two months, he realised he had done nothing but wander aimlessly around the Burrow, feeling too depressed and tired to lift a finger. He felt incredibly guilty every time he thought about Sirius, so as a result had thought of him as little as possible during the day.

The nights were when the truth came back to haunt him. Sirius had been stuck inside Azkaban for two months, convicted of a crime he had not committed, and the only person who might have a chance of proving his innocence had done absolutely nothing to help. It wasn't like he didn't _want _to help, but he truly couldn't see a way out of this impossibly nightmarish situation. He felt useless and pathetic, unable to contribute anything to the world, least of all to Sirius.

Sirius.

The one thing he needed most right now. The one thing he might never have again.

Every night he cried.

* * *

><p>He'd half-begun to expect the tears now. It was always the same: first, he would feel the despair that had been pressing down on him all day, the despair he felt because he was in here; next, the depression and hopelessness of being in such a ridiculous and awful situation; the guilt he felt about James and Lily; and finally, the realisation that he was stuck, completely and utterly stuck, with no way out of here and no way to prove that he had not betrayed his best friends.<p>

And that he would probably never see Remus again.

And every night, as hot tears fell down his cheeks, he would curl up in a ball and rock back and forth, a movement that, he'd realised one night, reminded him of Kreacher, one day two years ago, when the elf had come back home in total despair. Kreacher had told no one of the cause for his angst, despite many attempts to prise an explanation from him. The only explanation Sirius had ever been able to come up with was the news of Regulus's disappearance a few days later. He'd often wondered whether his brother's disappearance had had anything to do with Kreacher's sudden and violent distress, but he'd been the only one to ever make such a connection, and Kreacher would most likely have bludgeoned himself to death had he hurt or harmed Regulus in any way; the crazy House Elf had always been very attached to the Blacks' younger son.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, contemplating his brother's sudden disappearance and wondering what had happened to Regulus. He was surely dead, and most likely at the hands of the Death Eaters – you didn't leave them, you were in for life, whether that was long or cut short at the hands of other members – but how? Not by Voldemort, that was for certain. Regulus wasn't important enough to be killed by his mighty master. He'd only been sixteen when he'd joined them, and sixteen when he'd suddenly vanished, never to return. Sirius hugged his knees, thinking about his brother and all the childish fights, the teenage bickering, the constant sibling rivalry that had never and would never cease. He thought of all the things he'd never said to his brother; how he'd not meant to hurt him whenever they'd fought. How he hadn't actually minded his company that much when they were both quiet and absorbed in books in the Grimmauld Place library. How he was sure he'd sometimes caught a look of discomfort in Regulus's eyes when their mother started talking about how wonderful her younger son was at dinner parties. How he'd really, however reluctantly, admired the way Regulus flew on the Quidditch pitch, with perfect gracefulness, how he'd had to suppress a cheer the only time his brother had caught the Snitch before his best friend during a match. How he'd worried about him when he'd joined the Death Eaters in his fifth year. How he'd actually, in an odd way, felt affection for his brother – loved him, in his own strange way.

They were so different, yet so similar. Almost identical. His mother had said the phrase over and over to anyone who would listen. Sirius remembered once, as a small child, when he'd looked into the mirror and expected to see Regulus gazing curiously back at him. He'd been almost surprised when he'd seen himself looking through the glass. He'd peered closer, breath misting the glass, thinking that maybe he'd been tricked, and that it was only because he and Regulus were so similar that he'd thought he'd seen himself. Once again, however, it was a mirror-Sirius frowning back at him. He'd pulled a face, and walked away, but as he'd lay in bed that night there had been a soft knock on his door, and he'd opened it to see Regulus standing on the landing, sucking his thumb – something their mother had always scolded him for, as it would 'make his teeth grow outwards' – and complaining of a bad dream. Sirius had sighed, feeling a little irritated, and led him into his own bedroom, letting his little brother sleep in his bed for the night. He'd muttered as he'd tucked Regulus in, but as he'd slipped in his own side, he'd caught sight of his brother, now sleeping peacefully, thumb still in mouth, jet-black hair barely visible over the dark green covers. It had struck Sirius how similar they really were – it wasn't just another of his mother's crazy mantras – and for a second he'd almost believed that he was looking into a mirror.

They'd got on so much better as young children, and though they'd fought like cat and dog, fights weren't as frequent or as violent and vindictive as when they got older and more became more distanced. Sirius had never told Regulus about that night, when Regulus, barely more than a toddler, had drifted into his room and slept peacefully and dreamlessly in his older brother's bed. Oddly, it was one of the things Sirius now wished he could have said when he'd had the chance.

He sighed, shaking his head at himself. It must be true what they said – Azkaban really did make you go crazy.

He'd been here just over two months. Now he wondered how long it would be before he completely lost his mind.

* * *

><p>'Remus?'<p>

'Mm.'

'I asked how you are faring these days.'

'Oh.' Remus shrugged indifferently. 'Fine.'

Dumbledore frowned, but didn't press the issue. 'Have you got any further with the search for Peter Pettigrew?'

Remus looked up from the Weasleys' kitchen table, where he was tracing patterns in a pile of spilled salt. 'Hmm? Oh. No.'

Dumbledore sighed. 'I was relying on you, Remus. It seems that I was mistaken in putting this kind of pressure on you. Clearly you have buckled under it.'

Remus frowned. 'What's that supposed to mean?' he said angrily. As always, his old headmaster remained infuriatingly calm and placid.

'I was merely suggesting that you were not responding particularly well to the challenge I have set –'

'_Challenge?'_ Remus spat, his chair scraping loudly on the floor as he stood up. 'You think that's what this is? You think this is all just some big _laugh _and we can just See How Remus Does With His Little Task And If He Fails Then Oh Well, It Doesn't Really Matter? Is that what you think?'

Dumbledore stood up too; he was much taller than Remus and far more powerful. 'You are the one who has not done what you were most eager to do in the first place!' His normally calm face was contorted with rage, and his low, soft voice now a heated bellow. It was almost like the scene in the courtroom, when he had told Remus that life was sometimes unfair, and that he must learn to accept that fact, however difficult he may find it. His tone inspired guilt, and that guilt in turn inspired rage. Deep down, he knew Dumbledore was right, and that angered him more than anything else.

'I didn't _start_ this!' he yelled. 'You should've done more to protect Lily and James! This is all your fault!'

Dumbledore shot him a cold look, but he was calm and perfectly composed as he replied, 'Do you think I do not feel guilty about this? Do you think I do not regret my foolish assumption that I could protect them? Do you think I do not wish, even now when it is hopeless and futile to wish for impossibilities, that I had _insisted _upon being Lily and James's Secret-Keeper myself?'

'I –'

'Furthermore, do you think that this is the first mistake I have made and repented for? Do you think I am perfect? You, like everybody else, assume that someone older and perhaps wiser than you cannot make errors, or mistakes, forgetting that wisdom is often attained by making errors and mistakes, and by learning from them. Do you think I am not doing everything I can to try and find Peter Pettigrew? I merely believed that you, who have known him for eleven years, might be a little more successful in your attempts than I. Clearly I failed to account for the two months you required to mope.'

These last words stung, and Remus winced involuntarily before glaring at Dumbledore. The old man had him cornered, there was no doubt about it, and he knew he would have to back down. He had nothing to fall back on, no excuse for his laziness and incompetence and Dumbledore knew it. Moreover, he'd used it to his advantage. At that moment Remus hated the old man like he'd never hated anything before. But he had to do it, had to grit his teeth and apologise.

'I'm sorry, Professor,' he muttered through clenched teeth. Dumbledore smiled, though it still wasn't quite as warm as usual.

'That is quite alright, Remus,' he said. 'I trust you will take my advice on board this time, and begin your search in earnest for Mr. Pettigrew?'

'Yes, sir,' Remus murmured. 'But I'd… like to ask a – a favour.' He bit his lip. Asking favours from Dumbledore at the current moment seemed rude, almost insolent. He'd done nothing to help rescue Sirius and bring Peter to justice, and here he was asking to be rewarded for it. Dumbledore expressed no surprise or offence at this, but simply asked, 'And what might that be?'

'I'd –' Remus hesitated, but proceeded cautiously. 'I'd like to move back to my own house, if that's alright, sir.'

To his astonishment, Dumbledore consented. He'd half been expecting his old headmaster to refuse and ask what right he had to demand such a thing, but instead he said, 'Naturally, Remus. As a matter of fact, I was planning to return you there anyway.'

Remus frowned, a little confused. 'You – you were?'

Dumbledore nodded. 'You don't honestly think Molly would allow you to go hunting for servants of Lord Voldemort while you were under her care, do you? If you are back under your own roof, while she may protest for your safety, she cannot refuse to allow you to leave your own house.'

Remus nodded, but there was one point that worried him slightly. 'When you said my safety, Professor…' he began, a little hesitantly.

'I meant that, even with as many of the Order with you as long as you need them, Molly Weasley can sometimes be maternal to the point of paranoia. She is sometimes a little _too _protective, I think,' Dumbledore return serenely. Remus instinctively turned round to check she wasn't behind them and listening to every word. Dumbledore gave a smile, all his usual warmth of character returned. Remus returned the smile as he said, 'Good. When can I leave?'

'You will leave on Wednesday morning.'

'Wednesday?' Remus frowned. 'Why can't I leave tomorrow?'

'Because,' Dumbledore said, 'I understand that Molly wants to spend one last day with you to make sure you will be alright when you return to your house.'

'But I'll be _fine!_' Remus protested.

'I know, Remus,' Dumbledore replied a little testily. 'But you must remember that Molly worries for everyone, and that you are not the healthiest or happiest of people at the moment. Please just comply.'

Remus scowled at the table but reluctantly said, 'Yes, sir.'

'Good,' Dumbledore smiled. 'I believe she wants to take you on a family trip to Diagon Alley.'

* * *

><p>'It's just that Bill's broken his quill and he needs a new one before he goes back to Hogwarts after Easter, and Charlie hasn't been to London for a very long time and he wants to go again, and we'd like to get something for Percy, since we recently discovered that he can do magic (although, of course, there was no doubt about that really), and we really need to get Fred and George away from the village, they run amok there, the locals have had it up to <em>here<em> with them, and Ron's getting a bit restless and Ginny needs some new clothes – she's growing so fast now – and, well, Arthur and I are so _worried _about you, Remus. You're so thin and pale these days! You don't get out enough.'

Remus smiled tersely. He'd been wondering when Molly was going to mention that fact that she was worried, that he was losing weight and growing pale and not getting enough fresh air. He'd been wondering, in short, when she was going to become annoyingly maternal again. She'd been doing well so far, he thought a little sadly. She hadn't mentioned that he wasn't eating properly for two days – almost a record – and he'd been hoping against hope that she would make it three, and that he wouldn't have to hear how worried she was again before he set off for home. Unfortunately, just as he'd been thinking about this, she'd come down and announced their trip to Diagon Alley along with the exclamation that Remus really didn't eat enough these days and would he like some extra porridge.

'We'll go via the floo network,' Molly added as an afterthought, smiling encouragingly. Remus felt a bit bad; after all, she was only trying once again to take his mind off Sirius, but these days he doubted that that could ever be achieved. Perhaps his mind _needed_ to be focused on Sirius all the time, so that he wouldn't stop thinking about his mission to find Peter and turn him in, so that he wouldn't lose his sense of aim that a trip to Diagon Alley might threaten to quash. He really didn't see why _he _had to go, but Dumbledore had said that he must go along with it for Molly's sake. He felt a little peevish that she was taking a day off his search for Peter, but there wasn't much he could do. He did his best not to sigh as, fifteen minutes later, he strolled along Diagon Alley with the nine Weasleys, the youngest two in pushchairs (which had presented a very interesting challenge in the fireplace; Arthur had had to take both Ron and Ginny as he threw the floo powder into the fire and called out his destination).

'So you're how old now?' Remus asked Bill half-heartedly as they ambled along the sunny street.

'Thirteen,' Bill replied. 'I'm in my second year at Hogwarts.'

'Cool,' Remus said for want of a more interesting reply. They walked in silence for some time.

'How old are you?' Bill asked suddenly, running his fingers through his short ponytail.

'Twenty-one,' said Remus, smiling as he remembered Sirius's opinion that twenty-one year olds should be out having one-night-stands with girls with 'inappropriately short skirts on'.

'Awesome,' Bill returned. Then he said, in a rush, as though he were not supposed to ask, 'Was that man your boyfriend?'

'What?' Remus said, eyebrows knitting together in bewilderment. What on earth was the kid talking about?

'Y'know,' Bill mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. 'Sirius Black.'

'Oh.'

''Cause that's okay,' Bill continued hurriedly.

'No, no,' Remus said, frowning and shaking his head. 'We – we weren't – together.'

'Oh,' Bill replied, sounding a little disappointed. 'It's just that, Mum said you were really close friends at school, right?'

'Right,' said Remus, wondering where this was going.

'Well… there's this girl at school, and I'm kind of friendly with her and I like her a lot. I was just wondering, do you think I should ask her out?'

Remus shrugged. 'Depends if she likes you, I suppose.'

Bill sighed. 'I don't think she does, actually. As more than a friend, I mean. I just thought that maybe, if it happened for you…'

'It's different for every situation,' Remus said. 'Besides, you'll probably meet some Veela someday and fall madly in love and have a whirlwind romance and marry her, all before you're thirty.'

Bill laughed. 'Thanks, Remus. I don't think that'll ever happen, though.'

Remus couldn't help but grin himself. 'You never know,' he said.

'How about an animal of some sort, Percy?' Molly asked, as they drew closer to the Magical Menagerie.

'Percy wants an owl,' Bill informed Remus. 'But Mum says they're too expensive.'

'Owls aren't that good anyway,' Remus said. '_I _never had an owl.'

'We've got Errol,' Charlie piped up. 'But he's the family owl, and we've not had him that long, so he's still a bit scared of us.'

'I'm not surprised,' Remus muttered, watching Fred and George break free of their toddler reins and run into the Magical Menagerie, causing owls to screech and hoot angrily.

'Oh, no!' Molly moaned, chasing after them. Percy sighed haughtily and followed her. Arthur tried to get through the shop's tiny doorway with a pushchair in each hand, resulting in havoc, and a frightened Ron wailing in terror as looked up into the face of a huge caged tarantula. He was only just rescued by Charlie, who scooped him up out of his pushchair and held him out of harm's way.

Five minutes later, Molly exited the shop with Percy, who was looking very satisfied, and Ginny, with Arthur trailing behind, holding a pair of squirming three year olds under his arms.

'We've bought Percy a rat,' Molly informed Remus. 'He loves animals – he really wanted a kitten but we thought he'd be better off with a rat for the time being, since he's not really old enough to look after a cat just yet. A rat will be a bit easier, I think.' She smiled and looked over at her third son, who was showing off his new rat to Arthur and Charlie, though with some difficulty, as it had take it upon itself to suddenly squirm very violently. Percy's face contorted as he struggled to keep it under control, finally shoving it in his jacket pocket to keep it from squealing too loudly.

'I thought you said he was brand new,' Charlie said. 'He's got a big scratch down his nose.'

'It's probably because he keeps wriggling and scratching,' Bill muttered.

Remus couldn't help but feel that Molly's belief that a rat would be easy to care for was a little misguided.

* * *

><p>'REMUS, YOU CAME BACK!'<p>

He'd barely appeared out of thin air in his little village before he was almost knocked down by a squeal and a forceful hug.

'I didn't even see you there!'

'Wendy!' Remus smiled, somewhat relieved as he recognised the elfin figure grinning up at him. 'How are you?'

She took a proper look at him and frowned. 'You're so pale. Are you alright? How've you been?'

'Stop it,' he sighed, grimacing and looking away. 'You sound like Molly.'

'Who's Molly?' she enquired. Remus shrugged.

'Just a friend of someone I know. How are you?' he repeated, determined not to get bogged down in the events of his world over the past two months. 'What's your news?'

Wendy suddenly looked abashed, and bit her lip, not looking at him.

'Is everything okay?'

'Yeah, yeah, it's all fine,' she said too quickly. Remus rolled his eyes.

'I know you too well for you to fool me,' he told her. 'C'mon, tell me.'

'I – I can't,' she muttered hastily. 'I just… can't.'

He sighed. 'You can tell me anything. We're best friends, right?'

Wendy suddenly looked as though she were trying not to cry, and when she spoke, her voice was rough and hoarse, like she had a lump in her throat. 'H-he came back. Jack – Jack came back. He's here.'

Remus was speechless for a moment, before his brain began to work again and he remembered that Jack was the man Wendy had fallen in love with five years ago. He felt bad for not remembering sooner. He was a terrible friend, Sirius was probably right to have ignored his letters at Christmas.

'Come back to mine,' he said, taking hold of Wendy's arm and gently leading her along the road towards his house. 'Come back to mine and tell me everything.'

* * *

><p>'He just – just <em>appeared <em>and walked over to me and said hi,' Wendy spluttered, deeply ashamed of the tears running down her cheeks but too distressed to do anything about them. 'It w-was like… like nothing had ever happened. Like he hadn't taken one look at me in a coffee shop last year and told me I was a terrible person for giving my baby away. _Nothing! _No apology or anything!'

'Maybe… maybe he felt guilty?' Remus suggested, wishing he was better at being an agony aunt. Sure, he was a good friend – kind, brave and loyal until the bitter end – but counselling wasn't his strong point. He bit his lip and racked his brains to find a better suggestion for the man's reasons for his actions. 'Maybe he misses you?'

'I mean, I don't even understand _how _he found me!' Wendy continued, hardly listening to Remus. 'It's not like any of my family would ever tell him where I am. They wouldn't, not after what he did to me.'

'People do stupid things when they're in love,' Remus said sagely, safe in the knowledge that he was most definitely speaking from experience. 'And when they're scared. Maybe he was scared you'd still be mad at him.'

'But I _am _mad at him!' Wendy cried, throwing her hands up in despair and making Remus jump. 'I'm so angry with him! As if he thinks he can just – just _turn up_ and expect me to take him back! We were never even a proper couple in the first place!'

She was getting quite demented, and Remus wondered urgently how best to calm her down. He settled for saying, 'Maybe you ought to just stay away from him for a bit?' Unfortunately, this did not work as well as he had hoped; instead of debating the idea sensibly and calmly, she shrieked, 'Why should _I _have to hide out in my own village? Why should _I _have to stay away from him? _He_ should be the one trying to stay away from _me! _When I get my hands on him, I'll –'

'Okay just calm down!' Remus cried, worried that Wendy was going to end up destroying his house in a wild rage. 'Calm down and think about it rationally! You've nothing to _fear_,' he said gently, as she sat down on the sofa and crossed her arms, glaring at him. 'Just, you know, be civil and polite but don't get in too deep and don't take any rubbish from him.'

Wendy sighed. 'I guess that's the only thing I _can _do,' she muttered with a groan. 'I just… I just wish the world could be _simple _for once.'

'Me too,' Remus said quietly. She looked at him.

'Please be here for me,' she whispered. 'I need you, Remus. You're my best friend. Please don't disappear again.'

Remus closed his eyes. 'How did you know I was going to disappear again?'

She shrugged. 'I knew you were going to drop some bombshell when you deliberately avoided telling me how you were. I just assumed you'd be off somewhere again because you never stick around for long.'

'Clever you,' Remus said, almost smiling. 'I'm sorry, Wendy, I _have _to go.'

'Go where?' she said, suspicion darkening her expression. 'You don't _have _to, Remus.'

'I do,' he said helplessly. 'I have to – to find somebody.'

'Who?'

'Nobody.'

'It can't be nobody, Remus,' Wendy argued, 'if you have to find him so badly.'

'It's just… I just have to find him because of Sirius.'

'Sirius?'

'Yeah… it's complicated.'

'What's he done?' Wendy asked, rolling her eyes. Remus scowled.

'Nothing, that's why I have to find Peter,' he said. 'But I don't even know where to start.'

'He'll be in the last place you look, I bet,' Wendy said wisely. Remus gave her a funny look.

'Of course he will,' he said disbelievingly. 'Once I find him I'm going to stop looking, aren't I?'

Wendy sighed.

* * *

><p>'<em>I'm so sorry, Peter.'<em>

'_It's fine, Remus, don't worry about it,' Peter said, gingerly touching his nose._

'_I really am truly sorry!'_

'_It's fine!' the other insisted. 'It wasn't your fault, I was standing too close –'_

'_But I nearly took your nose off!'_

'_Give over, Moony, you're so melodramatic,' Sirius said languidly, yawning. 'We got him to Madam Pomfrey in time, didn't we?'_

'_It's fine, honest,' Peter said for the third time._

'_I really didn't mean to scratch you –'_

'_For Merlin's sake, Moony,' Sirius complained. 'Please shut up.'_

_While Remus certainly would not have put up with this kind of attitude from anyone else, Sirius seemed to be an exception to most of his rules. He didn't know why or how, but he knew he'd readily give up his world for his best friend, so he stopped trying to apologise for scarring Peter the previous night. Peter had been standing just a little too close as Remus transformed in the Shrieking Shack, and the latter had turned around so violently that he'd clawed Peter accidentally and given him the scar of his lifetime. There was so much blood that one might think a murder had occurred – more blood, Remus realised next morning, than any of them had thought could spurt out from a cut on the bridge of the nose. They'd been so surprised that all four of them had frozen for almost a minute, until Peter had let out a groan and Sirius and James had remembered to get him out of the Shack and up to the hospital wing as quickly as possible. Remus, of course, had been in no state to accompany them, and so had spent the night unconsciously repenting by scratching and biting himself._

_He'd staggered up to the hospital wing himself the following morning covered in fresh cuts and scratches and apologised profusely to Peter until Sirius had yawned and told him to shut up, which he obligingly did. It was just as well, because at that minute Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office and nearly fainted when she saw the state of him, though he'd made up his mind to try his best to play it down._

'_Look at you!' she cried. 'You're so pale!'_

'_I'm fine, I'm just – wait, what?'_

'_I'm sure you're not eating enough, Remus, I feel so terrible!'_

'_What are you talking about?' he asked, bemused and a little afraid. She wasn't making sense, and when he looked round to see if any of his friends could decipher the nonsense she was suddenly spewing, they seemed to have all disappeared except Peter, who was repeatedly touching his nose and then examining his hand for any blood. Remus looked back at Madam Pomfrey, who suddenly said, 'It's just that, Arthur and I are so _worried _about you!'_

_Remus froze. Who the hell was _Arthur_? The only Arthur he knew was…_

_And then the pieces began to fall into place in the puzzle of Peter's whereabouts. _

'_I mean, it's not like he has any distinguishing features, except for that big scar on his nose…' Madam Pomfrey said, her voice suddenly very soft. Remus whipped round to look at Peter, who immediately turned into the small grey rat he knew so well, before fleeing for his life as Remus lunged, bouncing off one of the hospital beds and crashing to the floor…_

He woke on his own floor in a cold sweat, clutching at the covers that he had dragged off the bed with him, sweating and shaking.

Shit.

_**I know, I'm a bitch for leaving it here and making you wait a whole week. I'm just mean like that. Until next time, guys! :D**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**IT'S SATURDAY, SATURDAY, UPADATING ON SATURDAY, EVERYBODY'S LOOKIN' FORWARD TO BADASS REMUS! At least I hope you are, 'cause he's feeling EXTRA badass tonight! ;)**_

_**I know, I'm cruel to keep stringing you along. Perhaps Chapter 16 will make up for it – who knows? I have writer's block at the moment, so please forgive me if this chapter is shit. I know it's a rubbish excuse, but apparently once your exams are finished, your teachers stop being nice and start giving you homework again. But anyway, enough of my complaining. I have such a hard life, I know. ;) **_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Fifteen

'Molly! Arthur! Open up!'

No answer.

'Molly, open the door! Molly!'

Still, nothing.

'Molly? Arthur? Molly, please open the door!'

Still, there was no answer. Horrible, fearful thoughts crept into Remus's mind. What if Peter had got to them already? What if he had crept out of Percy Weasley's room and murdered every single one of them while they were asleep? After all, it wasn't like he was averse to murder, he had proven that much already. Had he realised? Had he known that Remus and Dumbledore were after him? Yes, he must have – he wasn't squealing and writhing in Diagon Alley simply because he was new and not used to the Weasleys, he'd been trying to get away, trying at all costs to get away from Remus, his old friend, the only person in the world who knew for a fact that Sirius had not betrayed the Potters to Lord Voldemort.

And Remus had been too stupid and blind to see it.

Fuck.

'Molly! Arthur! Somebody please just open the fucking –'

'What on _earth _are you _doing_, Remus?'

'Molly!' Remus cried, surprised and a little more than relieved to find her still alive. 'Is everybody alright?'

'Yes,' she muttered, watching him suspiciously. She sighed. 'Look, Remus, not that we aren't pleasantly surprised to see you here, but –'

'Who is it, Molly dear?' her husband called from somewhere in the kitchen, presumably having just come down the stairs to investigate the racket that Remus was making on the door.

'Just Remus, Arthur,' Molly called. 'Look,' she said, turning back to Remus, 'it's lovely to see you, dear, but it's just rather late, you know, and we were asleep.' She gave him a pointed look, accompanied by a rather forced smile.

'Good to see you Re-Re-Remus,' Arthur said, stifling a yawn. 'Is it morning already? I thought I'd barely dropped off to sleep…'

'I need to see the rat,' Remus said quickly, determined not to be sidetracked in his search for Peter.

'What?' Molly said, a little taken aback.

'The rat,' Remus repeated. 'I need to see the rat that you bought Percy yesterday in Diagon Alley.'

'But – but Remus, why on earth would you need to see Scabbers?' Molly cried, now very worried. 'He's just a rat, for goodness' sake!'

Remus closed his eyes, trying not to show his exasperation. 'I just,' he said firmly, '_need to see the rat._'

'Remus, it's one o'clock in the morning!' Molly argued. 'Now you can stay tonight if you wish but I really must insist that you let us all get some sleep!'

'Come on, Remus, we'll put you up in Ginny's room again,' Arthur began, but Remus shook his head frantically.

'I _have _to see Peter _now!_' he cried desperately.

There was a silence, and it dawned on Remus what he'd just said.

'What?' Molly's tone was like acid, and she was suddenly glaring at him.

'I – Scabbers, I meant Scabbers –'

'Are you _still _insisting upon chasing down a _dead man?_' Molly hissed, her voice low and dangerous.

'I – no –'

'Because if you are, Remus, I'm going to have to tell Dumbledore that you need –'

'What are you saying, Remus?' Arthur asked quietly. Molly whipped round and glared at him, but he ignored her. 'Does this have something to do with what Dumbledore said about Pettigrew having been an Animagus?'

'He _is _an Animagus, Arthur, and he's here, you _have _to give him to me before you all put yourselves in danger!' Remus cried, desperation entering his voice at the thought of what might happen should they waste any more time. He glanced over Molly's shoulder, attempting to see past her into the dark house. She looked at him, and her expression was suddenly softer and pitying.

'You're clutching at straws, Remus,' she said gently. It was Remus's turn to glare.

'I am _not_ clutching at straws,' he protested.

'Yes you are, Remus. You're so desperate to find evidence that Sirius isn't guilty that you're allowing yourself to believe the most impossible theories, and I don't blame you, Remus, I really don't, but you _have _to stop living inside your head. You need to come to terms with the real world and accept the truth.'

'It _is _the truth!' Remus whined, sounding like a small child trying to convince his parents that he honestly _hadn't _broken their favourite lamp. _Why _wouldn't they believe him? Why were they so determined to accept that Peter was dead, that Sirius was the one who had betrayed Lily and James? How could they even _think _that? How was it plausible? How was it possible? It seemed to Remus that _they _ought to be the ones to stop swallowing far-fetched stories and believing everything they heard. He sighed and turned away, unshed tears of frustration stinging his eyes.

'Mother, what's going on?'

Remus whipped round as he heard the unmistakable voice of Percy Weasley floating through the kitchen and towards the front door. He was standing behind his father, looking puzzled, Scabbers the rat frozen in terror on his shoulder.

Remus lunged.

* * *

><p>''M so sorry…'<p>

'Didn't mean to hurt…'

'Can't help…'

Sirius tossed on his 'mattress' (which consisted of a pile of dirty grey rags) as he tried to shut out the semi-conscious moans of guilty prisoners. He felt that the word 'hatred' might be a bit of an understatement in describing his feelings for this place, but so far he hadn't the strength to come up with a better one. The thing that rankled him most was the injustice of it all – he had to listen to half-starved madmen sobbing and crying out in their sleep every night, he had to feel all his happy memories being drained away, all because of a crime he hadn't even committed. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed. He didn't think he would ever be cheerful again. He didn't know how long he could last in here. He was allowed no visitors, no letters, no outside contact – in short, nothing from Remus. How the hell was he supposed to go on without Remus? He felt disgusted with himself as he realised he couldn't even picture Remus's face anymore.

He felt the same despair he had felt upon leaving Remus to go to his mother's, only about ten times worsened. It was so _unfair_. When the hell was Dumbledore going to get his act together and clear this whole thing up? After all, Dumbledore was now his only hope, since Peter was now dead, or so he'd been informed by one of the newer inmates – although, he reflected, the man could simply have been mad. It didn't take much to lose one's mind in here.

On the one hand, Sirius hated these feelings, he _hated _being so _angry_; on the other hand he clung to them because they were the only emotions he had. If he let them go, he'd be numb. Blank. An empty shell. He couldn't let that happen.

He was determined to get out of here. He couldn't simply sit around and wait for Dumbledore, who, it was clear, had already taken too long to sort the whole thing out. Perhaps, contrary to popular belief, he wasn't one of the cleverest men in the world, but simply one of the luckiest. Either way, Sirius couldn't rely on him any longer, he _had _to get out, to break out. If he had to starve himself thin enough to slip through the bars of his cell then so be it. He just had to get out.

That one, stubborn conviction was the only thing that kept him going. **It was as if someone had lit a fire inside his head, and the Dementors couldn't destroy it. It wasn't a happy feeling, it was an obsession… but it gave him strength, it cleared his mind.** _I will get out. I will escape. Somehow, I'll get out. I'll find a way._

It was as though he were sticking two fingers up at the Ministry of Magic for landing him here in the first place, at the _Daily Prophet_, who had printed nothing but the news of his arrest and 'peace at last' for months – even at Dumbledore, who seemed to think that Sirius's freedom was less important than his own affairs. And, of course, at the Dementors, who kept trying to suck out his every happy thought or memory, though he had none left. His obsession was the only thing he had left. It was the one thing they couldn't take away.

* * *

><p>'REMUS, STOP!'<p>

Remus paid no mind to Molly's frantic cries as he struggled to keep a grasp on the squeaking rat, almost crushing Percy underneath him, knocking the boy's glasses askew.

'Remus, _please! _You're hurting him! Please!'

He was unsure as to whether Molly was referring to Percy or the rat, but the thought was irrelevant and so he did not allow himself to entertain it. All that mattered was the rat.

Struggling to keep a one-handed grip on the writhing, flailing creature, he pulled his wand from the pocket of his robes and pointed it at the rat.

There was a flash of blue-white light, and **for a moment, Scabbers was frozen in midair, his small black form twisting madly – Percy yelled – the rat fell and hit the floor. There was another blinding flash of light and then – **

**It was like watching a speeded-up film of growing tree. A head was shooting upwards from the ground; limbs were sprouting; next moment, a man was standing where Scabbers had been, cringing and wringing his hands.**

Molly, Arthur and Percy stared in horror at the figure standing before them, unable to believe their eyes.

'Re-Remus…' the man muttered, wringing his hands and looking terrified at the presence of his old school friend, 'w-what are you d-doing? How on earth did you find –'

'_Stupefy!' _Remus yelled, pointing his wand at the man, who shot across the room and crashed, unconscious, against the kitchen sink. Molly let out a whimper.

Without a word, Remus strode over to Pettigrew and grabbed his arm; Arthur, sensing that he was about to Disapparate, called out, 'Wait!' At Remus's quizzical look, he added, 'I'm coming with you.'

'But Arthur –' Molly protested. Arthur turned to his wife and pressed his lips tenderly to hers. Remus looked away and Percy, still sprawled on the floor, did not notice – his eyes were fixed on the unconscious man who, not five minutes ago, had been his new pet rat. His expression was one of mingled horror and disbelief.

'Get Percy to bed,' Arthur murmured. 'He's bound to be upset by this, he'll need you there. I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise.'

Molly nodded and even managed a smile, though her eyes were slightly watery. Remus, looking on, was reminded of the wife of a soldier about to go off to war – trying to be brave while unsure of whether she would ever see her husband again. He had little time to muse over this, however, as Arthur walked swiftly over to him, took Pettigrew's other arm and nodded to Remus, who nodded back. With a resounding _crack_, they disappeared from the Weasleys' kitchen.

Molly looked around. The serenity of night had been restored unbelievably quickly. Aside from one of her sons, still on the floor, there was very little evidence of what had just gone on. To anyone walking into the kitchen right now, the night's events might never have happened.

_**Three cheers for Remus (finally)! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip HOORAY! God, this chapter took me AGES. Alright, let's kick those bad guys' butts and get Sirius freed! (I'm sorry, I've had very little fresh air today, I think I'm going crazy.) Reviews would be greeted with far too much enthusiasm. I look forward to them. :P**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**I'M SO SORRY GUYS! I've been on a school history trip to Berlin for a week (it's absolutely beautiful and so interesting) and then on holiday for a week. I'm sorry for neglecting my story but to make up for it I'm giving you TWO CHAPTERS (!) because I feel guilty. Enjoy! (She says hopefully ;P)**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Sixteen

'Ah, Remus. I came as soon as I received your Patronus.' Dumbledore nodded curtly as he strode into Millicent Bagnold's office. 'Arthur! Lovely to see you again.' He smiled at Arthur, who smiled back nervously.

'So,' Dumbledore said serenely, looking around, 'we simply wait for the Minister?'

'Yes, if you sent her that Patronus, Professor,' Remus answered. Dumbledore nodded and smiled.

'And where is Mr. Pettigrew?'

'He's being detained by the Aurors, Professor. We've told them about him being an Animagus, so they've taken steps to ensure that he can't transform and escape if he wakes up.'

'Excellent.'

'Might somebody explain what's going on, please?' Arthur asked, not unpleasantly. Dumbledore nodded, looking a little abashed.

'Forgive me Arthur, in all the excitement I forgot that you had been informed of everything. You are aware that Remus is a werewolf?' he asked, and Arthur nodded. Dumbledore smiled again, and began:

'In their fifth year, Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew became Animagi, which, of course, is no mean feat for three fifteen year old wizards. They did this, I understand, to keep Remus company so that he may not be lonely or in so much pain when he became a werewolf every month. I learned of this only a few months ago – indeed, I was impressed that they managed to keep the whole thing a secret for so long. Anyway, I digress. James, when transformed, became a stag; Sirius a large black dog; Peter Pettigrew a rat – incidentally, Arthur, the same rat you bought your son Percy in Diagon Alley yesterday.'

Remus was only half-listening, but he was astonished to realise that it was only yesterday that he had witnessed Percy coming out of the Magical Menagerie with 'Scabbers' the rat on his shoulder. It seemed unreal, as though the whole process had taken months rather than less than twenty four hours.

'Now, as I understand, Peter Pettigrew was passing information about Lily and James Potter to Lord Voldemort before his downfall. He swapped roles with Sirius, and became their Secret-Keeper. When Peter learned of his master's destruction, he took his Animagus form and fled to Diagon Alley. It was rather a clever plan, all things considered. After all, he is unregistered – the Ministry have no knowledge of his being an Animagus – and so nobody but Remus and Sirius would know about him. Since Sirius was Lily and James's Secret-Keeper first, and the closest person to them, the Ministry naturally assumed that he was also their betrayer. I can only assume that Peter disguised himself and spread the rumour of his own death, before mixing himself up with a delivery of animals to a pet shop in Diagon Alley, where he could simply pose as a common or garden rat. Of course, this is merely a guess of mine.

'He was taken in by a family – yours – and presumably assumed that he was safe from discovery. However, Remus realised his true identity and went after him, and… well, here we are.'

Arthur struggled to take all this in. He said, 'Oh,' and then lapsed into deep thought. He didn't have much time to ponder, however, as at that moment the Minister for Magic entered her office, looking a little surprised to see them all there, but remaining composed.

'So, it's true is it?' she said, looking at them in turn, finishing with a long, questioning look at Dumbledore, who nodded gravely. She sighed.

'I never thought I might have the wrong man. Well, I suppose this will ruin my reputation now.'

'What I would like to know, Madam Bagnold,' Dumbledore said pleasantly, 'is how you came to find Sirius in the first place.'

The Minister sighed again. 'In February, I went to Hogwarts to ask you whether you had any information on Sirius Black, Dumbledore,' she said. Dumbledore nodded. 'You lied,' she added with a hint of annoyance colouring her tone, but she did not press the matter. 'Then, as I was walking away I met _this _young man –' she indicated Remus – 'who told me that he was asking after a friend of his that you might know about. Well, that caught my interest. I suppose I never could quite kick my childhood habit of listening in on other people's conversations. You put Black under the Fidelius Charm, and you were his Secret-Keeper. You divulged the secret to your friend, and to me too, as I happened to hear everything.'

Remus frowned. 'Then why didn't you come after me too?'

Madam Bagnold looked amused. 'You sound very put out that I didn't, young man,' she said, the corners of her mouth twitching. 'Sirius Black was my priority. Nothing else mattered at that moment, and as you were not mentioned at all during Black's trial, nor were you ever mentioned by any other Death Eaters we captured, I decided that you were not an issue that needed addressing. Black did not mention you when he was arrested either, so I assumed that he was not passing valuable information to you. You needn't look so offended that I didn't come after you.'

Remus sighed, a little confused. He was tired, baffled by everything and anxious. He worked up the courage to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind since they had arrived at the Ministry.

'When are you going to let Sirius out, then?'

'I haven't a clue yet. We'll need evidence from Pettigrew, of course, and then we'll have to hold a trial –'

'But that could take _weeks!_' Remus cried. Madam Bagnold glared at him.

'_Please _do not cut across me, young man,' she said imperiously. 'I assure you that, if all evidence points to Sirius Black being innocent, he will be released as soon as possible.'

'I suggest Veritaserum for both, Minister,' Dumbledore said quietly.

'But Black may take measures to prevent it working, such as Occlumency,' Madam Bagnold replied.

'He need not know you are to give it to him,' Dumbledore told her. She thought for a moment, then nodded.

'Very well. Veritaserum it is, then. Now if you will excuse me,' she looked at all of them, 'I must go and see to our prisoner.'

And with that, she swept from the room. Remus decided that, although he didn't quite _like _her, he couldn't help feeling a little impressed.

* * *

><p>'Sirius Black?'<p>

Sirius looked up from the floor of his cell, where he was mindlessly tracing patterns in the dirt with his finger and thinking about Remus. He was a little more than surprised to see the Minister for Magic standing over him, trying not to look nauseated. He frowned at her expression. It wasn't _his _fault that he hadn't had a shower for months. Showers didn't grow on trees when you were in prison; the Azkaban guards generally liked to take away every little privilege you had.

'What do you want?' he muttered. She glared at him, reminding him of an aunt that used to inspect him and Regulus for traces of dust or dirt or Muggles whenever she came to Grimmauld Place.

'How very nice to see you too, Mr. Black,' she said sarcastically. 'I was wondering whether you would like to come with us.'

Now that he was looking at her properly, he could see that, standing around and behind the Minister were several Aurors. Sirius scowled. He'd had enough of bloody Aurors.

'What are _they _for?' he asked suspiciously, nodding at the group of Dark wizard catchers.

'They are here to restrain you if you become violent or aggressive, Mr. Black,' the Minister replied, swiftly adding, 'so don't even think about it.'

Sirius sighed. 'Where are you taking me then?' he said without any real enthusiasm.

'The Ministry of Magic,' said the other.

'Oh,' Sirius replied, idly wondering why. 'Well,' he added, heaving himself up with a small groan, as he'd been lying in an awkward position for almost two days, wondering how long it would take before he literally couldn't move from this position, 'I suppose it can't be worse than here. But if you're going to kill me, may I request that it be quick and relatively painless?'

The Minister looked as though she were trying to suppress a grin.

'Come on, Mr. Black,' she said. 'You may have some very important information we'd like you to tell us.'

* * *

><p>'Water, Mr. Black?' The Minister took a small goblet from her desk and held it out. Sirius eyed it suspiciously.<p>

'No,' he said, ignoring the dryness in his throat, and the fact that he hadn't had anything to drink for two days. 'I don't know what you've put in it.'

'I assure you, Mr. Black, nobody at the Ministry is trying to poison you,' Madam Bagnold replied coldly. Sirius snorted.

'I find that hard to believe,' he retorted. 'Didn't you throw me in Azkaban for a crime I didn't commit just a few months ago?'

'Look, Black,' one of the Aurors growled, 'we can tie you to the chair and force it down your throat if you'd like.'

'I'm sorry,' Sirius said sharply, looking at the Minister. 'Wasn't _I _supposed to be the one getting aggressive?'

'Holland, please calm down,' Madam Bagnold said, sounding a little exasperated. Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. His thirst was beginning to get the better of him.

'Fine,' he said in a long-suffering voice. 'If it means that much to you all, I'll drink the bloody thing.' He grabbed the goblet from the Minister and drained it all at once. Suddenly, he began to feel very strange. He looked anxiously at Madam Bagnold, who swiftly drew her wand and pointed it at him, retreating several steps.

'W-what have – have you –' Sirius choked, suddenly very afraid.

'_Incarcerous,' _the Auror named Holland whispered. Just like on the night he had been arrested, Sirius found himself bound to the chair by long, thick black ropes.

'Hey – what –' he cried, struggling to escape the ropes. The Minister for Magic cut him off.

'What is your name?' she said. It was more of a command than a question.

'Sirius Black,' Sirius replied with an odd rapidity. It seemed as though his mouth were saying the words before his brain had time to consciously send a signal to it.

'You are Sirius Black, elder son of Walburga and Orion Black, brother of the deceased Regulus Black?'

'Yes.'

'You attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from the year 1971 to the year 1978?'

'Yes.'

'You were best friends with James Potter?'

'Yes.'

'Where were you on the night of the 31st of October, the night that James Potter and his wife Lily were murdered?' Madam Bagnold suddenly looked very intense, as though she could not afford to miss this next answer. The Aurors all leaned in a little.

'I was staying in the Leaky Cauldron in London, as my own house had been recently raided and destroyed by Death Eaters. I was at the Leaky Cauldron until around 10 pm that evening, until I went to the house of Peter Pettigrew, as had been arranged previously. As I found the house empty and I thought this odd, I proceeded to the house of Remus Lupin, whereupon we both went to James and Lily's home, only to find it destroyed.'

There was a silence. The Aurors exchanged glances; Madam Bagnold appeared to be thinking very hard. Suddenly she whipped round and shrieked, 'Is nobody writing this down?'

There was a flurry of movement, as Aurors rushed around, finding quills and parchment and transcribing the conversation between Madam Bagnold and Sirius. Finally, the interview was able to continue.

'Why did you arrange to go to the house of Peter Pettigrew on the night of the 31st of October?' Madam Bagnold asked.

'I was Lily and James's Secret-Keeper when Dumbledore put them under the Fidelius Charm in order to protect them, as we knew Voldemort was after them for whatever reason. However, I persuaded Peter to become their Secret-Keeper instead of me. I went to his house that night to check up on him, as usual.'

The rest of the occupants of the room looked very interested all of a sudden. Through the fog in his brain, Sirius made half an attempt to wonder why, but before he could gain control of himself, Madam Bagnold was asking another question.

'Why did you persuade Peter Pettigrew to become the Potters' Secret-Keeper?'

'It was a bluff,' Sirius said – or rather, his mouth said; he himself didn't seem to have any choice about what information he was giving. 'I knew it was common knowledge that James and I were best friends, at Hogwarts and after we left. I thought the Death Eaters would come after me first. With Peter as the Secret-Keeper, once the Secret had changed hands, Voldemort and his followers could torture me all they liked, and I would be completely unable to divulge the Secret.'

'But that didn't work,' Madam Bagnold stated. 'Why didn't it work?'

'Professor Dumbledore discovered that Peter had been passing information to the Death Eaters for a while before Lily and James were killed. As soon as Peter became Secret-Keeper he went straight to Voldemort, who killed Lily and James and tried to kill Harry,' Sirius replied.

'And you had no hand in this? You are completely innocent?' Madam Bagnold asked.

Sirius nodded. 'I am completely innocent of all crimes for which I was charged.'

Madam Bagnold regarded him, then nodded and turned to her Aurors.

'Keep him here until the Veritaserum wears off. Figgins, Holland –' she nodded at two of the Aurors – 'you stay here with him, I don't want any trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if he passes out about now, he's been through quite a lot this evening, though he may become aggressive. If the worst comes to the worst, stun him if you must, but for Merlin's sake don't lay a finger on him. When I say I don't want _any_ trouble, I mean it. Now, the rest of you come with me. We'll need to see Pettigrew – he should be about conscious by now.' She regarded Sirius once more before walking away, all but two of her Aurors in tow.

Figgins waited until she was out of earshot, then looked at Sirius.

'So, who's this Remus Lupin guy?' he asked. Holland looked mildly interested, and they both leaned forward to catch the reply.

Sirius, still bound to the chair, smiled a curious smile – it was blissful, and almost delirious, as though he were somewhere else entirely. 'He's the love of my life,' he said softly, and promptly passed out.

* * *

><p>'So <em>when <em>will I be able to see him?' Remus asked, for the fifth time. He'd been asking for nigh on an hour, by Dumbledore's watch, and had grown more and more agitated with every request, taking to pacing around the Minister's office and looking at the clock every thirty seconds. Arthur had decided he had best go home, after waiting around for three hours, and the Ministry official in charge of them (whose name Remus still hadn't bothered to learn) had also been growing more stressed every time Remus asked for Sirius. Dumbledore supposed he couldn't blame him – after all, the extent to which he cared for Sirius was apparent and profound, no one could argue that – but his attitude was one of a restless, edge child. It was enough to test even Dumbledore's nerves.

'Please calm down, Mr. Lupin,' he said, troubling to keep his voice even and soft. All the same, no one could mistake the adult, authoritative tone. Remus promptly stopped fidgeting and looked ashamed.

'You will be able to see Sirius as soon as humanly possible,' Dumbledore continued, smiling kindly. 'Until then, I am afraid we shall just have to wait patiently.' The Ministry official nodded gratefully. Just then, Madam Bagnold swept in.

'Well,' she said, 'Black's statement matches Pettigrew's. We've just given them both the Veritaserum. As it turns out, Pettigrew _was _passing information to He Who Must Not Be Named. Yes, Albus, I am aware that you believe we should all call him by name – however, some of us find that less easy to do than yourself. Anyway,' she continued, 'Pettigrew had been passing information to the Death Eaters for several months before You-Know-Who was brought down. He also became the Potters' Secret-Keeper after he and Black swapped, and proceeded to betray the Potters' whereabouts to You-Know-Who. I shall need to make an official statement about this. No doubt, after that, the country shall be shouting for my resignation.'

Dumbledore smiled. 'And why would that be, Madam Bagnold? After all, you _did _catch the criminal in the end.'

The Minister looked reluctantly amused, but Remus couldn't see what was so funny. 'So when are you going to release Sirius?' he demanded. Madam Bagnold no longer looked amused; instead, her half-smile was replaced by a look of intense irritation.

'This boy's a pest,' she told Dumbledore, before turning to look at Remus. 'I have already told you, Mr. Lupin, Black will be released _as soon as possible_. I am afraid I cannot tell you to the exact millisecond, but we are doing our best, I can assure you.'

Remus looked sullen, and went to stand over in the corner with his arms folded across his chest. Madam Bagnold rolled her eyes. There was a knock on the door of her office, and an Auror stepped in.

'Black has regained consciousness, Minister,' he said. 'What shall we do with him?'

At the words 'regained consciousness', Remus's eyes widened in shock. 'What did you _do _to him?' he cried. Madam Bagnold sighed.

'You needn't worry, Mr. Lupin, Black fell unconscious for a while – it was merely a side-effect of the Veritaserum. It was quite probably also due to the ordeal he has suffered over the past few months. He will be fine.'

'Er… what shall we do with him then, Minister?' the Auror asked again. He looked nervously over at Remus, who glared back. This did not go unnoticed by any of the others.

'Since Mr. Lupin is so anxious for his return, I suppose you had better bring Black up here, Figgins,' the Minister replied. She gave him a _Look_; it reminded him of one Sirius had given him when he'd tried to comfort Harry. The thought of Sirius made him all the more anxious, and the five minutes' wait while the Auror went back and collected him was torturous.

It was nothing compared with the sight that arrived at the door when the five minutes was up.

If he hadn't known it was Sirius, Remus might not have recognised his best friend – Sirius looked half-dead. He was nothing but skin and bones, his face sunken and waxy, his eyes dull and empty. If Molly Weasley could see him now, she would make no comments about _Remus's _pallid complexion, his bag-of-bones physique, or his pitiful depression. Looking at Sirius, Remus felt like the most fortunate and ungrateful person in the world. He almost threw himself down at his friend's feet and begged for his forgiveness for not capturing Peter earlier, but stunned horror kept him frozen to the spot.

'Re-Remus…' Sirius murmured through parched lips. His face broke into a genuine smile at the sight of his old friend.

Remus felt like crying. Finding the strength to move he walked slowly forward towards Sirius, who suddenly collapsed upon him like he had no strength left.

'Oh, god, Sirius… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry….' Remus sobbed unashamedly into Sirius's ragged and torn robes, digging his fingers roughly into Sirius's matted, unkempt hair and remembering how soft and shiny it used to be…

'Don't be sorry, Remus, none of this was your fault,' Sirius said quietly, also sniffling but attempting to lighten the mood. He pulled away and looked at Remus, savouring the sight of his smooth, pale skin, his melancholy brown eyes (a little red at the moment), his sweeping tawny hair. 'You know, if there's one good thing to come out of this, it's definitely put me off breaking the law anytime soon.'

'Oh, shut up,' Remus said, and kissed him. For once he didn't care that there were other people in the room, not least Dumbledore and the Minister for Magic. It felt just the same as it had always felt whenever he was with Sirius – so _right_, as though they were alone, and nothing in the world could touch them. So long he'd waited for this, and the moment he'd got it it had been cruelly snatched away from him. Remus decided right there and then to make sure that he never lost Sirius again.

Sirius smiled, his lips still locked with Remus's. He was surprised and glad to discover that the Dementors hadn't taken _all _his happy memories after all – he knew, for instance, that the last time Remus had kissed him this passionately it had led to something very interesting indeed. (Not that he was going to even consider that right here in front of everybody. That was just… weird.) Perhaps they had tainted his memories of Remus a _little _though, because Sirius hadn't ever remembered him looking as beautiful as he did right then.

Madam Bagnold cleared her throat, and Sirius and Remus broke apart, blushing a little. However, she smiled and said, 'Well, I'm glad to see this was worth your nagging Mr. Lupin,' which made Remus turn even redder. 'Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, Professor Dumbledore – you may go. I'll deal with Pettigrew.'

Sirius was too dazed and tired to muster the energy to be angry at Wormtail. Instead, he curled an arm around Remus's waist, leaning on him slightly for support, and followed Dumbledore out of Madam Bagnold's office.

Once they got to the fireplaces at the Ministry entrance, Dumbledore turned to Remus. 'I would like to take Sirius back to Hogwarts with me for tonight, Remus. He needs sleep, comfort and the supervision of Madam Pomfrey until he is fully recovered.' He walked over to Sirius, who was already half asleep, but who shook his head and clutched at his best friend.

''M going with Remus,' he muttered sleepily, laying his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus made no move to hand Sirius over; instead, he held him tighter.

'Well, _I'm_ going with Sirius,' he stated. Dumbledore nodded. He looked too tired to argue.

'Very well. I must insist that you spend the night under Madam Pomfrey's care, Sirius, but if you wish Remus may come with you.'

Sirius nodded, his head still on Remus's shoulder. Remus looked down at him and brushed a strand of matted black hair from over his closed eyelids. Dumbledore took a handful of floo powder from beside the fireplace, threw it into the fire and announced, 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!' and stepping into the fire. Sirius and Remus followed.

Remus tried not to feel sick as the emerald flames swirled around him, and he spun rapidly in the hearth. He never had liked travelling by floo network – it was no better than broomstick or flying motorcycle.

He didn't much care that he was treading ash onto the carpet of Dumbledore's office as he stepped out of the fireplace; his only priority was getting Sirius to the hospital wing as soon as possible. Dumbledore escorted them there, then left them under the care of Madam Pomfrey, who was very hospitable and seemingly not surprised in the least, considering that it was almost four o'clock in the morning and they hadn't been students at Hogwarts for around three years. She put Sirius to bed and gave him all manner of medicinal potions, including one for a dreamless sleep, and tried to do the same to Remus; however, he refused to let her make him go to bed, and ignored her protests that he needed a good night's sleep, instead choosing to sit beside Sirius's bed and watch his peaceful slumber. In the end, Madam Pomfrey gave up and went into her office, leaving Remus at Sirius's bedside. He wouldn't let himself go to sleep, for fear that it had all been a dream, and that he would wake up in his own home, more afraid and alone than ever. He forced himself to keep his eyes open and managed well for an hour or so. Eventually though, sleep got the better of him, and he soon found himself slipping away into unconsciousness.

He was still there when Madam Pomfrey went to check on them both in the morning. Sirius's hand was in his, their fingers intertwined. They looked so peaceful, and it seemed a shame that they had been the ones to have to go through such a trial. She was almost reluctant to wake them up, but Dumbledore had requested that they be out of Hogwarts by seven thirty sharp, so long as Sirius was up to it, as they had 'important business' to attend to. She sighed and took one last look at the serenely sleeping lovers before bustling over to wake them up.

_**Arghhhh, what is it about chapter endings that I just can't do? Sorry about that, guys, it took me about half an hour to write a half-decent last sentence :L **_

_**I hoped you all like the fluffy yay-Sirius-and-Remus-are-finally-together-again-after-several-angsty-chapters-apart bit, I did my best. Probably more slash to come, I'm not quite sure – let me know what you think. :)**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Yay, Sirius is back with his twoo wuv! *fangirl celebratory dance* **_

_**Here's Guilt-Induced Extra Chapter – hope you enjoy. :)**_

_**Oh, also – I have no idea when Hector Dagworth-Granger was around. He may have been around in the 1980s, he may not. Just ignore my pitiful mistakes. Or tell me in my review box! ;)**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Seventeen

'You are sure you will be up to this, Sirius?' Dumbledore asked, as they stood outside the hospital wing, twilight falling around the castle. Sirius nodded quickly.

Sirius's health had taken a turn for the worse as they had prepared to leave that morning; he had suddenly become dizzy and disorientated, and Madam Pomfrey, after much inspection, had concluded that he had better stay in the hospital wing for the rest of the day, as he was clearly not up to going anywhere anytime soon. After forcing him back into bed, she had given him a potion for a dreamless sleep, and he had woken that evening, well-rested and looking slightly healthier. Remus, naturally, had stayed by his bedside all day and refused to leave his side even for a moment. He had eaten little and looked rather haggard, Madam Pomfrey thought, after much of the day spent worrying about Sirius. However, he and Sirius had both insisted that they leave the hospital wing that evening, as Dumbledore had told them that they were to collect Harry from his aunt's house, as long as they were fit and well enough for the journey.

'I want to get Harry back as soon as possible,' Sirius said earnestly. Remus automatically curled an arm around his waist, knowing full well how desperate he was to get his godson back.

'Very well,' Dumbledore replied. 'Now, as you both know, Petunia and Vernon Dursley will likely be most displeased at our visit, so please try to be as civil as possible, come what may.'

Sirius snorted. 'Civil! I'll treat them as they treat Harry, and god help them if they treat him like he's any less than perfect,' he growled.

Dumbledore looked grave, and Remus couldn't help but feel the same. Even without a wand, Sirius might react dangerously if he became angry at the Dursleys' treatment of Harry. Remus hoped against hope that they'd treated Harry as a second son, but from everything Lily had said about her sister in the past, he wasn't going to hold his breath.

'Just… keep cool, Padfoot,' he whispered in Sirius's ear. Sirius growled under his breath, but made no other reply.

'Shall we?' Dumbledore said. The two younger men nodded and followed Dumbledore out beyond the grounds of Hogwarts and into Hogsmeade village. Once they were outside the Three Broomsticks, Dumbledore and Remus each grabbed one of Sirius's arms and turned on the spot. There was a loud _crack_, and then the air was as still and silent as before.

* * *

><p>'Now, before we go and retrieve Harry from his aunt and uncle's, there is a small detour I am afraid we must make.'<p>

Sirius looked angry and disbelieving. 'What?' he cried, outraged. 'But we need to get Harry back _now!_ We haven't got time for a bloody great detour!'

'A _small_ detour is what I _actually _said, Sirius,' Dumbledore remarked calmly. 'This will only take a short time, and I assure you it will benefit you, Remus _and_ Harry.'

Sirius frowned, confused; Remus said, 'What do you mean, Professor? What's this about?'

But Dumbledore merely shook his head and said, 'You will see when the time comes. Now come along, both of you.'

Sirius sighed. 'I hate it when he does that,' he muttered to Remus, who muttered back, 'I know, me too.'

They each grasped somebody else's arm, and all three turned on the spot and Disapparated – Sirius and Remus quite unaware that Dumbledore had heard everything.

* * *

><p>'Remus, this is an old friend of mine: Charles Dagworth, the great-grandson of <strong>Hector Dagworth-Granger, who founded the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers<strong>.'

'Lovely to meet you, Remus,' Dagworth said pleasantly, rising up from his red velvet armchair to hold out his hand. Remus took it and smiled awkwardly as he looked around the smallish, old-fashioned living room. The deep red curtains were drawn across the dark blue night and a sliver of moon was just visible in the gap between them. Remus glared at the silver orb hanging insolently in the sky – in just two weeks' time there would be a full moon, and Dumbledore still hadn't told him what would happen when that time came. Of course, he couldn't just go home with Sirius and Harry and risk hurting them; on the other hand, he was determined not to let Sirius go ever again. He had tried not to think about his next looming transformation while he was with Sirius, and had hoped (though not too much) that Dumbledore would sort everything out. He could feel the anxiety creeping up inside him now, the thought of the upcoming full moon nagging at him relentlessly. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the silver crescent, but the image seemed to be burned on the inside of his eyelids, and he couldn't get rid of it. His hand tightened on Sirius's.

Sirius looked up from the plum-coloured carpet at the increase in pressure of Remus's hand on his. Remus was squeezing his eyes tight shut, but his face was turned to the window and the moon was just visible in the night sky. Sirius squeezed his hand and whispered, 'Don't worry, Remus. It's going to be alright.'

'Remus, Charles has something very important to show you,' Dumbledore said quietly, aware that the sight of the moon had caused Remus to become rather distressed in his own, discreet way.

Remus was aware of Dagworth getting up and leaving the room, but didn't open his eyes until he felt Sirius's gentle tug on his hand. He looked at Dumbledore, who was smiling.

'You needn't worry about the moon any longer, Remus,' he said, smiling as though he knew something Remus didn't. Remus silently cursed him for being so cryptic all the time. He sighed as Dagworth re-entered the room with a smile, a small vial of something and a stack of papers, the latter two he placed on the oak coffee table before drawing up his chair and motioning for Remus to sit across from him.

'Albus has told me about your problem, Mr. Lupin,' Dagworth said, rifling through his papers and selecting one. Remus frowned.

'Um… problem?' he asked. Dagworth smiled again.

'Your lycanthropy,' he clarified. He handed Remus the paper he had selected; Remus scanned it quickly. It was full of equations and formulae, and the title at the top of the page read:

_Wolfsbane Potion – Formula_

'W-Wolfsbane Potion?' Remus stuttered, trying to comprehend the whole thing. Was this what Dumbledore had meant about not having 'worry about the moon any longer'? But… how _could _it solve his lycanthropy problems? There was no _cure _for werewolfism, no way he could become fully human again, however much he wished that there was. So how on earth could this seemingly new potion help him?

'The Wolfsbane Potion helps to suppress the werewolf instincts once a werewolf transforms each month – in short, Remus, taking this potion once a month will help you to keep your human mind once you transform into your wolf form,' Dumbledore said, answering Remus's unspoken question as though he'd read his mind.

'Wait… so – I won't be dangerous anymore?' Remus asked. 'I'll be able to live with Si – with other people?'

Dumbledore nodded in confirmation. 'Charles has created the potion, which is now ready for use, and would like to give you the opportunity of being the first person in the world to try it.'

Dagworth smiled and held up the glass vial, which Remus took to be an invitation to take it. The latter all but stumbled forward, so eager as he was to take it if it meant he couldn't be dangerous anymore – if he didn't have to be apart from Sirius anymore. He reached keenly out for the little bottle, hand stretching out for it – his fingertips were inches from the crystal when a voice spoke out.

'No!'

He whipped round and was startled to see Sirius looking mutinous and disbelieving, his eyes fixed on the vial and burning with hatred – Remus had almost forgotten of his presence.

'He's not going to take that. I won't let you make him take it.'

Remus's eyebrows knitted together in confusion – why was Sirius so adamant that he shouldn't take the potion? Unless… unless he didn't _want _Remus to be safe? Remus started to panic. Perhaps Sirius _wanted_ him to be dangerous, so that he wouldn't be able to live with Sirius and Harry. Maybe he wanted an excuse to get away, to be free of Remus. Maybe Remus had totally misjudged his feelings, perhaps he had been completely blind and maybe Sirius just wanted rid of him but couldn't tell him after everything that had happened…

'Sirius –' Dumbledore began, but Sirius cut him off.

'You can't give him that, it could be dangerous!' he shouted.

Oh. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe Sirius wasn't trying to get rid of him after all – he certainly hoped not. Looking up into Sirius's angry eyes, he did his best to smile and said, 'I'm sure they're not going to poison me, Sirius.'

Sirius didn't smile back. 'They haven't tested it, they don't know what it's going to be like.'

'Sirius –' Dumbledore started once more; again, he was cut off.

'I've been drugged before – they slipped Veritaserum into something they gave me at the Ministry – and it's not good, you know,' Sirius said. 'You don't know where you are, what's happening to you – it's not good to be like that. I don't want you to do that to Remus. I don't want to have to leave him ever again but I'd rather do that than permit him to come to any sort of harm.'

There was a long silence. Remus stared at Sirius, quite unable to believe the lengths to which Sirius would go to protect him – the thought that he'd rather be on his own again in his mother's house than see Remus come to any harm was truly amazing and unbelievable, and Remus found himself unable to think or speak or do _anything _other than marvel inwardly at the statement his best friend had just made.

After a while, Dagworth spoke. 'Um, Mr. Black, I greatly respect and marvel at your desire to protect Mr. Lupin, and I understand it fully. However, I can assure you that my potion is not _toxic_ – indeed, I have used aconite – or wolfsbane – in other remedies. For example, I use it in a potion I make that helps to control a vampire's urges for blood – they don't feel the hunger so strongly, you know… And of course, I would never dream of giving a potion to anyone, least of all your friend here, if I was not completely, one hundred per cent sure it was safe.'

Sirius didn't look satisfied. 'How do you _know _it's safe?' he retorted. 'Nobody's tried it yet.'

'I can assure you that all toxins have been removed from all the ingredients in the potion, and that, mixed together, its ingredients do not produce a toxic effect,' Dagworth said. 'Your friend, Mr. Black, will be perfectly fine.' He smiled reassuringly.

'Sirius,' Remus said quietly, 'don't worry. I'll be fine, I promise.'

Sirius still looked slightly angry and apprehensive, but he didn't argue as Remus took the vial and regarded it.

'And… I'll have to take this once a month?' he asked.

'On the day of the full moon,' Dagworth told him. Remus nodded.

'I shall give you six months' supply,' Dagworth added. 'This should be enough until it goes on sale. If you have any problems or queries at all, please do not hesitate to contact me.'

'Thank you,' Remus said. Dagworth smiled and rose from his chair, leaving the room to collect the extra vials.

'Remus –'

'No, Sirius,' he said. 'I know what I'm doing. Even if there _is _a slight chance that something could go wrong with the potion, I'd rather have that happen than have to live without you again. I'm prepared to take the risk.'

Sirius looked defeated. 'But I'm not,' he said in a small voice.

Remus walked over to him and kissed him tenderly on the lips, once again unconcerned about the fact that Dumbledore was in the room. Sirius sighed and sagged against him, knowing that he was defeated and lost because when Remus was kissing him like this he knew that this was everything, his whole world wrapped up in one tiny yet so important gesture – when Remus was kissing him like this, how could he argue?

'I love you,' Remus said when they parted. 'I don't want to be without you ever again.'

'Neither do I,' Sirius argued, 'but I don't want you to get hurt either.'

'I won't get hurt!' Remus said, wanting to laugh at Sirius's overreaction. 'The potion's perfectly safe. It's the only way we can be together and bring up Harry like a proper family.'

Sirius sighed, completely defeated now. 'Fine,' he said. 'But if you think _anything's _wrong, you _have _to tell me, do you promise?'

Remus rolled his eyes. 'It's going to be fine, Padfoot.' At Sirius's sceptical eyebrow raise he added, '_Trust_ me.'

* * *

><p>'Listen, if it's about the speed bumps, we've already told you we don't want –' Vernon Dursley stopped in mid-rant and stared at the trio of men on his doorstep. 'What the –? Petunia? <em>Petunia!<em>'

The sound of hurried footsteps was heard, and Petunia Dursley appeared at the front door, wearing a nightgown with an overcoat over the top and a pair of pink rubber gloves, and standing slightly behind her husband.

Dumbledore smiled pleasantly. 'Good evening, Petunia. I trust you remember me?'

Vernon Dursley's face turned green – from there it continued through an interesting array of yellows, reds and purples; in contrast, his wife turned a ghostly white. Sirius fought the urge to laugh; he looked at Remus, who looked mildly interested.

'May we come in?' Dumbledore asked cordially. 'It's rather cold tonight, you see.'

'I – what – that's – this is _preposterous!_' Vernon Dursley stuttered, but Petunia laid a hand on his arm and wordlessly motioned the trio inside. Dumbledore smiled and said, 'Thank you,' as he made his way past the Dursleys into the hall, but Remus and Sirius said nothing. Sirius appeared to be looking around for something, and Petunia was giving the cupboard under the stairs furtive, slightly manic glances every so often.

'You are aware of the purpose of our visit, I am sure?' said Dumbledore, who seemed to be doing all the talking. 'You received my letter?'

'Your – _your _letter?' Vernon said, with an air of a man outraged. _Hell hath no fury,_ Sirius thought, as he watched Vernon turn a deeply unattractive shade of plum. 'Well – we've no time for letters from people like – people like _you!_' he sneered. Dumbledore frowned, as did Sirius and Remus.

'We burned the bloody thing!' Vernon continued, unaware of what dangerous territory he was treading upon, and also paying no attention to his wife's little tugs at his arm and her faint whimpers.

'In that case,' Dumbledore said, a little less politely, 'I see that we must inform you of the purpose of this little excursion – I assume you are aware that it is not purely social.'

'Not purely – bloody cheek!' Vernon cried, looking Dumbledore up and down, taking in his long, navy blue robes and purple boots; his waist-length silver hair and beard and curling his lip. 'I doubt any visit from one of _your _kind would be social in any sense of the word.'

'Good, then we can get down to business,' said Dumbledore shortly.

Vernon's tiny eyes narrowed in suspicion. 'What do you want from us? We won't give you anything,' he stated.

Before anybody could say anything, a thin, reedy and instantly recognisable wail was heard emanating from the cupboard under the stairs.

All five of them froze, gazes fixed on the cupboard. The hall was silent but for the cry of the baby in the cupboard.

Sirius was first to break the trance. 'What the _fuck_,' he hissed, his voice low and dangerous, _'have you done?'_

Remus suddenly understood Petunia's frightened glances towards the cupboard door, her surprise and fear at seeing him, Sirius and Dumbledore on their doorstep – not merely because they were wizards, but because she knew that this would be their reaction to finding Harry under the stairs.

Without a word, Dumbledore strode over to the cupboard and pulled out his wand, pointing it at the door and shouting, 'Alohomora!' The cupboard door sprang open and Dumbledore reached down and scooped the bundle of blankets out of the dark, holding it tenderly. He took a long look at the baby he held in his arms before looking up at the Dursleys.

'Two months ago, I brought your nephew Harry to you after he was left without a guardian. **I left him on your doorstep two months ago with a letter explaining about his parents' murder and expressing the hope that you would care for him as though her were your own. **Do you follow?'

'Well? So what?' Vernon grumbled. 'What's _that _got to do with _this?_'

Dumbledore gave Petunia and Vernon Dursley a long, hard look before continuing.

'Surely that is clear, Mr. Dursley. **You did not do as I asked. You have not treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands.**'

Sirius was too angry to speak. He couldn't even shout at the Dursleys – he was sure he wouldn't have enough self-control to stop once he started. Harry was surely half-starved. He looked worse than he had ever looked when he'd lived with Sirius and Remus, even when Sirius had been certain he had a fever. His hair was scruffy and matted and he was paler than ever, the mysterious scar standing out even more noticeably on his forehead.

Remus was shaking visibly. His teeth were gritted and he was glaring at Vernon and Petunia Dursley. He took a deep breath and muttered, 'Professor?'

Dumbledore nodded curtly; he too was glaring at the frightened Muggle couple. Still silent and overpowering, he gave them one last, loathing glance before turning on his heel and sweeping out of the door. Remus and Sirius followed; there was a _crack_, and then Privet Drive was silent. The yellowish glow of the Dursleys' overhead lamp showed Harry's aunt and uncle, still standing rigid and shocked on their doorstep.


	18. Chapter 18

_**GUESS WHAT GUYS. IT'S THE SUMMER AND I'M OFFICIALLY BORED, SO I'M POSTING THIS TODAY (THURSDAY) INSTEAD OF ON SATURDAY, WHICH IS WHEN I SHOULD BE POSTING IT BUT THAT'S TWO DAYS AWAY AND FAR TOO LONG FOR ME TO WAIT.**_

_**Gimme a break, I'm BORED.**_

_**JUST A QUICK WARNING: More slash in this chapter (dear me, I am turning into a slash fiend ;)), if you don't like m/m don't read it – you have been warned (although I'm not sure why you're reading **_**this **_**if you don't :P). Hopefully I'm gonna have this wrapped up in more or less the next one or two chapters, so I won't drag it out for too long. :P**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

_**P.S. So I just read this chapter and it's, like, horribly fluffy. You might want a bucket to read this with. ;)**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Eighteen

Remus yawned as he trudged into the kitchen. 'Well,' he said, 'I've put Harry to bed, and I've made mine if you want to go to bed now. Oh, are you hungry? I think I've got some –'

He was about to say the word 'stuff' when he was shoved roughly against the wall by Sirius, who had suddenly leaped out of his chair and apparently decided to attack Remus.

'Sirius, what are you –'

Remus was cut off again; this time, Sirius kissed him roughly, bruising his lips and running his fingers through his hair. Remus, helplessly pinned against the wall, sighed into the kiss – he couldn't help himself. Sirius let out a groan and shoved his hand down Remus's pants.

'Wha–' Remus spluttered, before yet again being cut off by Sirius pressing his lips against his. Remus moaned loudly as he felt himself going hard. Sirius chuckled quietly against his lips, forcing Remus's mouth open and slipping his own tongue inside, thoroughly exploring every nook and cranny.

Remus moaned again as Sirius caressed his cock, leaning back against the wall and allowing Sirius to take full control of him. He'd missed this _so much_, he hadn't even realised _how _much until now, until he felt Sirius's hands exploring him everywhere, leaving burning little marks that somehow made him shiver and tingle at their touch…

Sirius felt his own erection straining painfully through his jeans and unzipped them, sighing in relief as his cock was freed from its confinements. He quickly pulled off Remus's trousers too, dragging them down his lover's thighs and doing the same with his boxers (_without_ paying attention to which Quidditch team's emblem they bore).

He straightened up and looked Remus in the face – the latter gazed back, lost in a sort of blissful delirium. Sirius kissed him, slowly and passionately, grinding his hips against Remus's, before breaking away and focusing on his now-unclad lower half.

Remus groaned as Sirius took him in his mouth, moving his tongue slowly around the base of his cock; Remus shuddered and thrust forward into Sirius's mouth with another groan of ecstasy. Sirius began to move his mouth back and forth, beginning slowly but gradually moving faster as Remus gave shouts and whimpers, all the while thrusting his hips forward in perfect rhythm with Sirius's movements.

'Oh, _fuck!_' he cried as Sirius ran his fingers delicately up the inside of his thighs. Sirius gave a moan in response and began to trace mindless patterns over any and every part of Remus's body he could reach, enjoying the feel of _Remus inside him _and he was so lost in everything _Remus_, all his little gasps and whimpers that were making Sirius hornier than he had thought it was possible to be.

'Ah – _shit_, Sirius, I think I'm gonna –'

What Remus was about to do he suddenly found he could not voice; it became evident, however, anyway. With a cry of, 'Oh _fuuuuuck!_' Remus jerked forward and came straight into Sirius's mouth. At his lover's shout Sirius too was pushed over the edge of release and into a blinding abyss of paradise. He came with a moan as he pulled away.

'_Shit…_' Remus gasped, sliding down the wall and sitting with his pants round his ankles, attempting to catch his breath. 'T-that was… _fuck_, Padfoot…'

Sirius swallowed. 'You're welcome,' he replied with a grin and a wink. 'I mean it – any time.'

'Did – did you…?' Remus murmured breathlessly. Sirius nodded and laughed, as though Remus were being deliberately obtuse for even having to ask.

'Jesus, Moony, even a nun would've come at the noises _you _were making.'

Remus giggled shyly. 'I su-suppose your pants'll be ruined then, eh?' he asked, still a little out of breath.

'Just a bit!' Sirius chuckled. Remus grinned.

'In that case I reckon we should probably get them off before you do any more damage,' he said. Sirius grinned back.

'That sounds like an excellent idea,' he said, standing up and pulling Remus up with him. 'Want to lead the way?'

* * *

><p>They spent the next few weeks acting like the sappiest couple ever. They went everywhere together and did everything together. Some people saw a recently recovered Sirius Black, finally freed from a wrongful conviction that had led to a prison sentence, newly in love and cheerful once again. Most simply saw a blissfully happy man with a partner he adored and a baby he valued more than life itself.<p>

Only Remus saw the darker side to the effects of Sirius's time in Azkaban. Only Remus lay beside him at night and heard him moan and cry out in his sleep. Only Remus was there to hold him as he sobbed, when he broke down because he couldn't hold it in any longer, when the memories of those dreadful two months became too much. Only Remus rocked him and comforted him and told him that everything would be alright.

And each time, Remus cursed himself for not doing something about this sooner.

If only he'd gone after Peter as soon as Dumbledore had given him the go ahead to do it, Sirius might have fully recovered from Azkaban by now. He might even have had to spend as little as a week in the wizard prison, but because of _him_, he'd had to spend two months there, and still had recurring nightmares.

One night, as they lay quietly in bed, wrapped in each other's arms, the pressure of the guilt overcame Remus, and he had to confess.

'Sirius,' he began uncertainly. Sirius lifted his head from Remus's chest and looked into that beautiful, melancholy face.

'Mm?'

'I – I have to tell you something,' Remus mumbled, hating himself with every word. He didn't quite know how to tell Sirius that Sirius could have been out of Azkaban much faster but for him, and he really didn't want to, but he knew that he must.

'What is it, Moony?' Sirius asked. He was beginning to grow quite concerned; Remus was wrinkling his brow and looking tortured.

'While – while you were – away,' Remus stammered; he swallowed, unable to finish his sentence. 'While you were away, I –' He hesitated again.

_I slept with somebody else._

_I kissed another man._

_I kissed a_ woman.

_I realised I'm straight._

_I realised I didn't love you. _

Sirius's mind ran amok with possibilities of what Remus might have done. He began to get frightened and he stiffened against Remus's body, biting his lip.

'While you were –'

'Yes, we've established that I was away,' Sirius snapped, terrified at what the end of that sentence might be, but desperate to find out all the same.

'I – Dumbledore asked me to find Peter,' Remus said. 'And I –' He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'I should've found him straight away but I didn't. I just felt so depressed and helpless that I didn't even _try. _You could have spent a week – tops – in Azkaban and because of me you had to spend two months there. Because of _me._ Because I didn't even try. I'm so sorry.'

Sirius hadn't even realised he was holding his breath until he released it with a heavy sigh of relief. 'Is that it?' he said, fighting a most bizarre urge to laugh. Remus gaped at him incredulously.

'W-what do you mean, "Is that it?"?' he cried. 'I – you – I made you _suffer!_'

Sirius sighed again. 'Azkaban was horrible and terrible, yes, and I hope to god I never have to go back there,' he said matter-of-factly. 'But… the thing is, it's in the past, Remus. It's over now and I don't want to think about it.'

'But –' Remus began, but Sirius cut him off with a kiss.

'You know, Moony,' Sirius said when he broke away, 'most people would've given up when they heard that Peter had been killed. Most people would have fallen at the first hurdle and not bothered to get up. But you _did _get up. If it weren't for you, I'd still be in Azkaban, so don't you _dare _blame yourself for any of this. None of this was your fault. It was just a big, messy pile of injustice and bad luck.'

He laid his head back on Remus's chest, and the latter assumed that the debate was over – when Sirius thought he was right, arguing with him was tiring and pointless. He kissed Sirius's forehead, and Sirius snuggled down and nuzzled against him.

'Y'know, when you said you had to tell me something, I was so scared,' he said. 'I thought you were going to tell me you didn't love me or something. Or you'd found someone better than me.'

Remus smiled. 'There's absolutely _nothing_ better than a nice warm Padfoot, trust me.'

'I don't know, a Moony is always very agreeable, especially on a cold night,' Sirius argued. Remus chuckled and kissed him again.

'So…' Sirius said shyly after a short silence, as though trying to broach an unpleasant or awkward subject.

'Yeah?' Remus replied.

'What are we? What is this?'

'What's what?' Remus asked, nonplussed.

'_This_,' Sirius said. '_Us._ This… this thing. I mean, we haven't really talked about it and I just wondered…'

Remus was quiet for a while. Then he said thoughtfully, 'Well, what do you want it to be?'

'What do I _want _it to be?' Sirius replied.

'Yeah. What do you want it to be?' Remus said again. 'It can be whatever you want it to be.'

Sirius thought for a moment. 'Would you object if I said I wanted to be your boyfriend?' he asked.

Remus smiled, feeling warm and content and somewhat relieved. 'Not at all. But only if I get to be yours,' he countered. Sirius grinned, burrowing deeper under the bedcovers.

'It's a deal,' he said happily. Remus sighed in satisfaction and closed his eyes.

'I love you, Padfoot. I'll always love you.'

'I love you too. You know there's no getting away from me now, don't you? I'll cling to you forever. Like a flobberworm. Or something else that clings. Seaweed?' Sirius mumbled sleepily, making Remus laugh again.

'That's fine, Padfoot. I'm not averse to being clung to, not by you anyway,' he said.

'Love you, Moony,' Sirius murmured as he drifted off to sleep.

'Love you too, Padfoot. Always have, always will.'

* * *

><p>Sirius suggested one day that they go to see Molly and Arthur, as he felt Remus really ought to apologise for almost injuring their son in his attempts to catch a criminal. Remus reluctantly agreed, though he was apprehensive to say the least about Molly's reaction to him – last time they had spoken, she had accused him of chasing a dead man in desperation to free his criminal of a boyfriend, and he in due course had jumped on her son – but he realised that a humble apology was probably the best way of clearing things up. After all, she <em>couldn't <em>stay mad at him long – her maternal instinct was simply too strong.

In fact, to Remus's surprise (not to mention relief), she didn't seem angry at all when they arrived at her door one afternoon.

'Oh, hello dears!' Molly cried, cheerfully ushering Remus, Sirius and Harry inside as she greeted them warmly. 'It's so lovely of you to drop by! Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Bread and soup? Do sit down, dears, you must be very tired and hungry. Oh – how's little Harry? He must be almost the same age as Ronnie now.' She smiled tenderly at Harry, who gurgled and giggled back.

'He's two in July,' Sirius replied, smiling proudly. Something about the atmosphere in the Weasley household made it impossible not to want to grin whenever you were there – the sheer cheerfulness of all the occupants seemed to rub off on you. He took a seat at the table next to Bill, who was playing exploding snap with his younger brother Charlie.

'Boys!' cried Molly, bustling over with a pan of hot soup, at which she pointed her wand; the pan tipped and poured onion soup into the numerous bowls set down on the table. 'What have I told you about playing snap at the – _Oh now look what you've done!_'

At Bill's triumphant yell of, 'SNAP!' the whole, considerably large pile of cards exploded, taking, it seemed, half the table with it. Sirius ducked and shielded Harry's face as bowls went flying, splattering soup all over the walls, floor, ceiling and almost everybody in the kitchen.

'WHAT DID I TELL YOU? YOU WAIT TILL I TELL YOUR FATHER –'

'Tell me what Molly – oh! Oh my!' Arthur exclaimed, having returned from work at that precise moment, and now standing and staring at the scene before him. His two eldest sons, their eyebrows slightly singed, looked up at their mother over a burnt pile of what might once have been playing cards, with identical expressions of anticipation and terror. Molly glared back at them, wand in hand and apron covered in what looked and smelled like onion soup. In fact, the entire kitchen was covered in it, and several bowls lay in pieces on the floor. Also seated at the table were, slightly stunned, Remus and Sirius, the latter of whom was clutching his godson Harry on his lap and looking as though he were fighting the urge to laugh. He at least seemed to have escaped the soup explosion, but unfortunately the same could not be same for poor Remus. He was covered in the stuff, hair plastered to his face with it, chunks of onion sliding rather comically down his cheeks. Clearly he hadn't got out of the way in time.

'Ah – hello, um, Molly dear,' Arthur began rather cautiously. His wife had _that _look in her eye, that look that plainly said she was about to explode just as the playing cards had done. She turned to look at him and smiled briefly before turning back to her sons with a cry of, 'HOW DARE YOU! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I WARNED YOU ABOUT PLAYING EXPLODING CARD GAMES AT THE DINING TABLE? NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN THIS MESS UP _RIGHT NOW!_'

'Yes, Mum,' the two boys said simultaneously, rushing off to fetch towels and dishcloths.

'Hello, Arthur, dear. Remus, I terribly sorry – here, have a tea towel…'

'Hi, Arthur,' Sirius grinned. Now that he had overcome his initial shock at the culinary explosion, he was beginning to find the whole thing rather amusing. 'Good to see you again.'

'And you, Sirius,' Arthur replied. 'I'm glad to see you're recovering well after… well, after Azkaban.'

Though bile rose in his throat at the mention of the awful place, Sirius was rather glad of Arthur's matter-of-fact approach to speaking about the wizard prison. He was sick of people skirting round him, smiling sympathetically and talking to him in hushed tones as though he were ill or dying. Of course, he had told Remus everything, often half-sobbing and in a state of disorientated grief – and Remus, to his credit, had held him and rocked him and been everything Sirius needed – but he had not discussed his time in Azkaban with anybody else, and many people seemed to think he was still in shock. Sirius supposed he _was _still shocked to some degree, but he wasn't as fragile and badly affected as everybody seemed to think, simply because he had Remus. Remus had been his saviour, Remus had pulled him from the edge of that deep black hole that he'd come so dangerously close to falling into, and Remus was the only person he could really talk to about the whole thing, causing most other people to think he was still in shock or denial.

'I went there myself once,' Arthur continued, half-lost in a sort of reverie; his brow was wrinkled and his eyes were suddenly far away and troubled. 'On a Ministry errand. Not a good place. Not a good place at all.' He shook his head slowly.

'It's made me appreciate life a lot more, though,' Sirius said thoughtfully. 'I mean, I don't really think I understood what I had before and now… well, I know which people I'm never ever leaving again.'

Arthur smiled. 'I suppose that's a sort of silver lining, then,' he said. Sirius nodded and looked at Harry. Arthur's eyes followed his, down to the lightning bolt scar on Harry's forehead.

'I've been meaning to ask about that,' Sirius said, noticing that Arthur was also looking at the scar. 'Remus suggested talking to Dumbledore but I haven't really got round to it yet, what with... everything, you know?'

Arthur nodded. 'Is that where…?'

'The curse hit him,' Sirius finished. 'I think so. We're still not really sure what happened the night that –'

He stopped suddenly. Arthur nodded again and said, 'They're still here, Sirius. Inside of Harry.'

'Yeah. Remus said something like that,' Sirius agreed. 'I guess he's right. I still miss them though. A lot.'

'Of course you do,' said Arthur. 'They were your best friends.'

'They still are,' Sirius said. 'They're still here. Just like you said.'

* * *

><p>There was a knock at the door just as Sirius was tucking Harry into bed, and he heard Remus, downstairs, open it. Sirius checked the clock – seven thirty. Who would be calling at this time, he wondered. How many people even <em>knew <em>they were here?

'Wendy!' Remus cried, surprised to see his best friend grinning madly on the doorstep. She looked healthier and happier than in all the time he'd known her, and he wondered what on earth could have pleased her this much – she clearly had some news she was dying to share. 'Erm, not that I'm not really pleased to see you,' he added, as politely as he could for being so surprised to see her so immeasurably delighted, 'but, um, what are you doing here?'

'I have to tell you something,' Wendy replied, not in the least perturbed by his less than ecstatic greeting. She looked past him into the hallway. 'Can I come in?'

'Oh, yes, of course,' Remus said, remembering his manners. He stepped aside and let Wendy in. She almost waltzed over to the kitchen table and sat down, beaming from ear to ear. Remus took the seat opposite her and waited in anticipation.

'Remember how I told you Jack came back last month?' she began, suddenly watching him slightly nervously, as though waiting for a disapproving reaction.

'Yes,' he replied, wondering where she was going to go with this story. He remembered the night vividly, as it was the same night he'd realised Peter's location and gone hammering on the door of the Burrow. 'What about him?'

Wendy took a deep breath and slid her left hand across the table, extending her fingers so that Remus could clearly see the silver ring on her fourth finger, set with a bright blue stone. Remus stared at it for a couple of moments before realising what it was.

'I'm getting married,' Wendy whispered unnecessarily. Remus looked up; the blissful grin had returned, and Remus wanted to feel nothing but happiness for her, but there was just one thing niggling at the back of his mind. He hated feeling like the patronising parent, but he couldn't help but wonder:

'Don't you think this is all a little… hasty?'

Wendy raised her eyebrows. 'Hasty?' she repeated, as if she were not sure she had heard right and was merely clarifying what he'd said.

'Well,' Remus elaborated, feeling distinctly as though he'd got his foot stuck fast in his mouth, 'I mean, he only moved back last month. And you said yourself that you weren't even a proper couple. I just… I'd hate to see you get hurt.'

She looked steadily at him, and Remus was sure he saw pity in her eyes.

'When you fell in love with Sirius, did you stop and think about why? When you agreed to raise a kid with him, did you ask yourself if you were being too hasty or making rash decisions? When you said you had to find that Peter guy so that you could get Sirius back or whatever, did you even consider _not _going after him?'

Remus stared at her wordlessly. Wendy shook her head.

'No, you didn't. You didn't because you just _knew_. When you love someone, you just know,' she said. She shrugged. 'And with Jack… I just _know_. So no, to answer your question, I don't think it's too hasty. I think it's the right time for us, that's all.'

'But he hurt you, really badly!' Remus protested, looking at her imploringly. Wendy met his gaze without faltering.

'I know that too, Remus, but we talked and he promised he'd never do anything like that again. I – I was so young and naïve… But he loves me, Remus. He says he loves me and I trust him. I believe him.'

'Oh,' Remus said, a little at a loss how to argue with this. He shrugged. 'Well, if you think it's right and you're happy, then I'm happy for you.'

Wendy smiled again. 'Thanks, Remus.'

Remus returned the grin. 'No problem. So, tell me more about the wedding.'

'We're getting married in June,' Wendy replied. 'It doesn't really make sense to wait too long, because it's not going to be a really big ceremony. It's just going to be quiet, you know?'

'Right,' Remus nodded. 'That sounds great.'

'Yeah,' Wendy agreed. 'It's going to be a small ceremony – just family.'

'Cool.'

'So… we were wondering if you'd like to come.'


	19. Chapter 19

_**Last chapter before the epilogue! Hopefully it will live up to expectations and thanks so much to Holmes44, luck-life, imSiriuslyLupin4you, ChocolateFrogsForMoony, Ally, The Lady of the Land, Abby, Caddy, Lizzy0308, Dark Oasis, Simone Leigh, TheShadowBane, Cinder570, AidenVanHelsing, Deedlez01, WolfyMcClowd, theherbflower, **__**AsHaYaM a2, jammin287, FlyingPigMonkey, Karallaye, WingedHybrid, MlleHibou, Raging-RKO and aspirited for your awesome reviews! I'm gonna post the epilogue at the end of this chapter.**_

_***sniffle* I'm getting all emotional… I've had a lot of fun writing this and it's been great looking forward to lovely reviews from people. I hope the end's not disappointing or anything 'cause that's always a real bummer… Thank you for reading, or reviewing, or adding this story to your favourites or story alert or whatever – Sirius and Remus give you much luuurve :P**_

_**Also: The song in this chapter is Taylor Swift's **_**Mine**_** – you can find it on Youtube.**__**I know chronologically it's out of place, as it wouldn't actually be released for around another thirty years, but it just seemed to fit with the whole theme of the chapter and the suffocating amount of fluff I'm going to impose on you in this chapter. ;P Plus, it's a really great song! :D**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of the Harry Potter books, films, etc. Everything belongs to JKR/Warner Bros.**_

_**DISCLAIMER#2: I don't own the lyrics, music, etc. of **_**'Mine'**_** – all rights belong to Taylor Swift, etc. **_

_All bits from the book(s)/film(s) are in__** bold**_

The Meaning Of Family

Chapter Nineteen

Remus smiled as he sat at one of the little white tables on the lawn and watched Wendy and her (new) husband Jack laughed, chatted with and received congratulations from their close friends and relatives. The sunny June weather seemed to reflect the mood – not a cloud was in the sky, which was a clear, deep blue, and Remus realised that he couldn't see a single person without a smile on their face.

Despite her claims that the ceremony would be 'small', Wendy seemed to have an abundance of family – though of course, some would be Jack's. Either way, there seemed to be people everywhere, smiling and laughing, chatting, drinking, dancing. Remus watched them interact; as a group of young children ran past the huge white marquee in dresses and suits of various pastel colours, he looked down at Harry, who was burbling happily on his lap.

'You alright, little man?' he asked. Harry giggled and lifted a hand to clumsily touch his face. Remus smiled and Harry laughed again.

'What's so funny, eh?'

Remus's grin widened as Sirius wound an arm around his neck and ruffled Harry's hair with his other hand. He kissed Remus tenderly on the cheek and gently smoothed down the collar of his dark grey suit. 'We should do this,' he added thoughtfully, looking at the large group of people who were gathered in the centre of the lawn to give Wendy and Jack their congratulations. Remus looked up at him.

'What, get married?' he asked.

'Yeah,' Sirius said. 'We'd be a proper family then. You, me and Harry.'

'We already _are _a family, Padfoot,' Remus told him gently. 'We've got each other and we'll always be there for one another. That's what being a family's about. We don't need to be married, we just need to be _there_.'

Sirius shrugged. 'It'd still be _nice_, though. It's the sentiment behind it, you know? Standing up there taking the vows, having all your friends and family around you –'

'Being the centre of attention for a whole day,' Remus finished for him, sticking his tongue out. Sirius pouted and pretended to be offended.

'Can I help it if I was born to be the life of every party?' he asked delicately. Remus laughed and Sirius felt himself almost melt at the way Remus's eyes crinkled at the corners when he gave that wicked, cheeky grin, the way he ran his tongue underneath his canine tooth and smirked all the wider because he knew he'd got Sirius hooked and eating right out of his hand.

'Hey there, lovebirds!'

Remus turned away from Sirius and stood up to grin at Wendy instead. She looked stunning. Even Sirius, who hadn't got off to the very best start with her, had to admit she looked radiant in a simple, strapless wedding gown. Her golden hair, piled up elegantly on top of her head, seemed to glint more brightly than ever in the afternoon sun, and her eyes seemed to sparkle; radiant was exactly the right description of her, he thought – she really seemed to be emanating some bright light, enveloping them all in a warm glow. Sirius smiled warmly, and she grinned back at both of them.

'Can you believe I've actually done it?' she laughed, sounding amazed and ecstatic and a little incredulous. 'Can you believe I've _actually_ tied the knot?'

'Congratulations,' Remus said, laughing too. 'You look amazing.'

'Thanks,' Wendy beamed back. 'So do you two. And Harry looks especially cute today.' She leaned down and smiled at Harry, who gurgled and waved at her. Remus thought he caught a fleeting expression of sadness in her eyes, but it was gone before he could be sure he'd seen it. She looked up and smiled, as though reassuring him she was alright, and Remus knew it mustn't have been a figment of his imagination, but he didn't press the matter.

'Anyway,' Wendy said, 'I've got to go and find Jack. I think we're supposed to have our first dance as a married couple in a minute.' She rolled her eyes, but couldn't suppress a grin as her stomach did back flips at the phrase 'married couple'.

Remus giggled. 'How dreadfully cliché,' he teased. Wendy stuck her tongue out at him and then disappeared into the throng of guests to find her husband.

'I'm glad she got to be happy in the end,' said Sirius, to whom Remus had told everything regarding the 'Wendy-and-Jack' front. 'Look at her, she looks like a little kid. Like she can't quite believe she gets to have this.' He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

Remus nodded, knowing exactly where Sirius was coming from. He leaned back into Sirius's gentle embrace, hitching Harry up a little higher in his arms as the sound of music drifted across the lawn towards them. Harry leaned against him, tangling a tiny fist into his shirt for security and putting his other arm around Remus's neck while laying his head against his chest.

Sirius rested his chin on Remus's shoulder, his face inches from Harry's jet-black hair, and they watched as Wendy and Jack began to dance.

'_You were in college working part time, waiting tables_

_Left a small town, never looked back_

_I was a flight risk with a fear of falling_

_Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts_

_I say, "Can you believe it?"_

_As we're lying on the couch_

_The moment, I could see it_

_Yes, yes – I can see it now.'_

'Wendy's sister looks a lot like her,' Remus commented, as they watched the blonde girl on the platform sing, accompanied by the band behind her.

'Wendy's prettier though,' Sirius said grudgingly. Remus smiled.

'She's also married, Padfoot,' he reminded him jokingly. Sirius squeezed him slightly around the middle.

'Good,' he murmured into Remus's hair. 'So I don't have to worry about you going off with her.'

'I wouldn't go off with her!' Remus snorted. 'Not _seriously_,' he added, as Sirius started to protest. 'She my best friend.'

'I thought I was your best friend!' Sirius cried in mock-indignant tones. Remus chuckled.

'Fine, she's my straight best friend, how does that sound?' he said.

Sirius grinned. 'That sounds perfect.'

'_Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?_

_You put your arm around me for the first time_

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_

_Do you remember all the city lights on the water?_

_You saw me start to believe for the first time_

_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine.'_

They watched the newly married couple in silence for a while. Remus reflected that maybe Wendy had been right to go with her instincts and emotions – she certainly didn't look like someone who had taken too hasty a decision.

'_And I remember that fight, two-thirty a.m._

'_Cause everything was slipping right out of our hands_

_I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street_

_Brace myself for the goodbye_

'_Cause that's all I've ever known_

_Then you took me by surprise_

_You said, "I'll never leave you alone."'_

Wendy spun out of Jack's arms until she was merely holding his outstretched hand; then Jack pulled her, spinning, into a traditional lovers' embrace and whispered, _'I'll never leave you alone,' _in her ear. She smiled.

'_You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water,_

"_And every time I look at you, it's like the first time._

"_I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter,_

"_She is the best thing that's ever been mine."'_

Jack lifted Wendy up above his head; there was a sudden burst of confetti, seemingly from out of nowhere, showering all the guests, and the mood lifted even higher. Remus tried to suppress a grin, as Harry laughed delightedly, and turned slightly, raising his eyebrows at Sirius, who grinned back sheepishly.

'Sorry,' he whispered. 'I couldn't resist.'

'You really are a hopeless case, Padfoot!' Remus laughed. Sirius giggled and nuzzled his neck.

'Y'know Moony, maybe you're right.'

'What do you mean?' Remus asked.

'We don't need to get married. We've already got each other and that's everything.'

Maybe they _would_ get married one day. Maybe they'd have a big fancy wedding or perhaps just a quiet celebration – but it didn't matter whether or not they did. It had been there all along, Sirius reflected, he had simply never seen it before. Remus was his everything; Remus and Harry were his raison d'être, the centre of his soul, the light and the hope he carried like a talisman in the very core of his being. He had a _home_ too – it didn't matter that it wasn't the same, red-and-gold decorated home he'd known from the age of eleven, because it was just as warm, loving and welcoming. He loved and cared for Remus and Harry, and he was loved and cared for in return. No matter in the end that he had had to grow up faster than he should have, because it had brought this – this wonderful family – to him. Not the proud, aloof, forever pure family he'd always thought he should belong to – but the brave, loyal, welcoming family he knew now he would belong to forever. He had a home, a place to belong and he had people to belong to, people who loved him. He had a family.


	20. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

_Ten Years Later_

' –But try not to get locked in a broom cupboard, okay? Because your Uncle Remus did that once and he couldn't get out again. It took us about a week to find him. It was actually very funny –'

'Sirius!'

'Oh, come on, Remus darling, don't be like that! It _was _funny, you even said so after you'd got over the initial shock and embarrassment,' Sirius said, winking at Remus as he pushed Harry's trolley along. He did a run-up and jumped onto the top of the trolley as it sped along freely. The snowy owl sitting in a cage atop Harry's trunk hooted in protest.

'It was _not_ funny!' Remus argued when they'd caught up, unconsciously mimicking Sirius's famous pout as he glared dolefully at the dark haired man. 'I was half-starved when I got out and I hadn't had a shower in six days! It was horrible!'

'Urgh!' Harry giggled as his godfather teased his other guardian. Sirius nodded and gestured at Harry.

'See? He's going to try seriously hard not to get stuck in a broom cupboard now. Aren't you glad I brought that up?'

'No,' Remus sighed, shaking his head in mock exasperation. Harry giggled again as they came to a stop in front of the ticket barrier between platforms nine and ten.

'Want me to go first?' Sirius said kindly. Harry nodded. Sirius walked purposefully towards the barrier with the trolley and disappeared from sight as a group of tourists walked in front of it.

'Come on,' Remus said, smiling at Harry. He led him over to the barrier and leaned casually against it, indicating for Harry to do the same, and a moment later they had passed through it as though it were nothing but thin air, and were standing on an entirely new platform, where hundreds of people in robes and Muggle clothing alike were gathered, talking, laughing, embracing children or school friends or talking excitedly of the year ahead of them. Harry was entranced – even Diagon Alley, which had been one of his favourite places in the world since he was three, wasn't as exciting and appealing as this. He had been looking forward to going to Hogwarts ever since he could remember – he had always been captivated by the stories that his guardians had told him of midnight wanders along corridors, of playing tricks and practical jokes on (ahem) certain people, of the classrooms and the lessons, the portraits that could talk and the suits of armour that could move…

Sirius was waiting for them by the barrier. He grinned knowingly at Harry's look of wonder and the way his eyes lit up at the sight of the platform bustling with life, remembering how he'd felt exactly the same upon his first ever arrival at platform nine and three-quarters, how he could hardly believe that he was there at last.

'And remember, **if you're not in Gryffindor, we'll disinherit you, but no pressure**,' Sirius said.

'Sirius!' Remus protested. Sirius grinned and poked his tongue out at Remus.

'He knows I'm only joking,' he laughed, ruffling Harry's already untidy black hair. Remus rolled his eyes and bent down so that his face was level with Harry's.

'Whatever house you're in, we'll be very proud of you,' he said seriously. Harry smiled and nodded, but couldn't help adding, 'I hope I am in Gryffindor, though.'

'Carry on the family legacy, eh?' Sirius grinned. They had, of course, told Harry every tiny detail about his parents while he was growing up, and Sirius had made sure to embellish the prospect of Gryffindor house as much as he could (which often resulting in Remus sighing and rolling his eyes and making sure that Harry knew that Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin were just as excellent, and Harry should _not _be pressured into going anywhere he didn't want to go).

'Remus! How are you, dear?'

Remus turned and waved as Molly Weasley and five of her children appeared through the ticket barrier. 'It's lovely to see you, dear – oh, but you look a little pale. I'm sure they're working you too hard at the Ministry!'

Remus smiled – Molly was so maternal it always seemed she might have been born specifically to be a mother. He loved the way she'd always treated him as one of her own and fussed over him and Sirius every time she saw them, even though that was usually at least once a week. Harry grinned and went to greet Ron, his best friend and the Weasleys' youngest son, who showed him his new pet rat.

'I hope that's really a real rat this time,' Sirius muttered to Remus, who fought to hide a laugh before turning back to Molly.

'I'm fine,' he shrugged. 'You know how it is at the Werewolf Liaison Office, there's always some new propaganda or campaign to drive our lot underground. We just have to work hard to educate people and make them see we're actually no different. It does get a little tough at times; some lovely person sent us an Erumpent Horn the other week – I think Arthur told you about that.'

'Oh yes,' Molly replied, frowning and nodding. 'He said something about an exploding horn in your department. It's awful, the way some people are just so blindly prejudiced.'

Remus shrugged again. 'Well, that's why we're trying to educate them. It's not easy, but we're getting there.'

Molly smiled. 'Good, I'm glad, although it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Surely they should get some new employees. It can't be easy being head of the department.'

'Well, they let me have today off work to see Harry off, so I'm not complaining,' Remus said. He nodded at the Weasley children, who were standing around chatting with one another or their friends. 'You must be used to this by now.'

Molly chuckled. 'It gets easier every year,' she told him. 'It must be strange, this being your first time.'

Remus nodded. 'It's going to be weird without Harry chattering away for most of the year. Sirius has made him promise to write to us every week.'

Molly laughed again. 'He'll be fine,' she said reassuringly, as a whistle blew loudly, cutting across their conversation.

'Come on now, Harry,' Sirius said, picking up the owl's cage and giving it to his godson. He took Harry's trunk off the trolley and carrying it onto the train.

'Who's that?' Harry said, suddenly very interested in a platinum-blond boy who was being hugged and kissed by his mother. Remus gritted his teeth, recognising the tall blond man next to him; Lucius Malfoy's disdainful expressionas he looked around the platform was almost identical to that of his son's.

'Draco Malfoy,' he said, trying to remain objective.

'Oh,' said Harry. He remained staring at the boy for a few moments, seemingly captivated, until Remus cleared his throat. Harry blushed.

'Uncle Remus, am I – will I be okay?' he asked him abruptly, suddenly nervous. Remus smiled and crouched down again, so that they were face to face with one another, marvelling at how much Harry looked like James. People had commented on it every day for the past ten years, but every time Remus looked into that anxious, thin face he was struck by it. Harry was, no doubt about it, almost identical to James in every way – from his scruffy, forever-untidy black hair to his impish grin and his confident, joyous laugh – except, of course, his eyes. Those eyes, startlingly green, were absolutely, perfectly Lily's eyes – the shape and colour of them were exactly hers. He was reminded of something he'd said to Sirius ten years ago.

'_They're still here, y'know. They're part of Harry.'_

'You'll be fine,' he assured him. 'Hogwarts is one of the best places in the world, you'll have loads of fun and you'll learn so much. It's brilliant.' He grinned, reminiscing about the first and finest home he'd known. 'Even a werewolf can have fun at Hogwarts. You'll have the time of your life.'

Harry smiled. 'Thanks.'

'No problem,' Remus said warmly. 'Now you'd better get on that train or you're not going anywhere.'

Harry laughed as Sirius arrived back on the platform. 'Alright, kid?' he asked.

Harry nodded and Sirius ruffled his hair – for a moment the distinctive, lightning bolt-shaped scar was visible on his forehead. Several people noticed.

'**Why are they all **_**staring**_**?' demanded Harry, as he and Ron craned around to look at all the other students.**

'**Don't let it worry you,' said Sirius. 'It's me. I'm extremely famous.'**

Remus laughed and wound an arm around his waist as Harry and Ron jumped onto the train after a girl with bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth, and Molly closed the carriage door behind them. Fred and George were standing behind them at the open window of the carriage. She gave the twins a very stern look.

'**Now you two – this year, behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –'**

'**Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet.'**

'**Great idea though, thanks, Mum.'**

'**It's **_**not funny. **_**And look after Ron.'**

'He'll be fine, Molly,' Remus laughed, unaware that Sirius was giving Harry a kind of pep talk, urging him to write if he needed anything at all.

'Thanks, Uncle Sirius, but I'll be okay,' Harry was saying. 'I'm really excited.'

'Yeah, but if you need _anything _–'

'Padfoot, he'll be fine!' Remus said. Harry caught his eye and mouthed, 'Thanks.' Remus winked.

'I only said _if_,' Sirius protested. Remus had to smile at his overprotective attitude – he was worse than Molly at times.

'Hogwarts is the safest place in the world, he'll have no trouble. He's already got Ron to talk to anyway.'

'I know, but –'

'He'll be _fine_,' Remus said again, and Sirius gave up his mother hen clucking.

They waved one last time as the train rounded a corner, and then disappeared from their sight.

'It's going to be weird without him,' Sirius murmured, laying his head on Remus's shoulder.

'I know,' Remus replied. 'But he'll still come back for holidays and things. And we'll still write to him. Don't be sad, Padfoot.'

Sirius smiled. 'I'm not sad, just… it's weird, that's all. Watching your kid leave.'

Remus smiled too. 'It makes me want to go back there myself,' he remarked. Sirius chuckled.

'Me too.'

'Would you boys like to come back to ours for a spot of tea?' Molly asked. Remus could tell she was dying to feed them up. He looked at Sirius, who nodded and said, 'Thanks, that would be lovely.'

Remus slid his arms from Sirius's waist and took his hand instead, squeezing it slightly. Sirius caught his eye and gave him a small smile.

As they approached the ticket barrier, Sirius turned and gave platform nine and three-quarters one last, fleeting look; Remus squeezed his hand again.

'He'll be fine, Padfoot,' he murmured. 'I bet he's already making new friends, plus he's got Ron already. He'll have friends whatever house he's in.'

He remembered something Professor McGonagall had said when they were being Sorted in their first year at Hogwarts.

_**'While you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts…'**_

'He'll have a family.'


End file.
